Medieval & Fantasy Minecraft Roleplaying

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gcarazo02's Application [Declined - Paint]

Gcarazo02

Villager
ABOUT ME

Name.
gcarazo02
Age. 16
Country. Spain
Lore. I've read
Meta and Power. Meta is when your character say to another anything that the other person know but the character no, and the character "wouldn't understand what you mean". and Power is when you want to make something that you say you can do but it isn't allow or other person can do, for example, you are the one in the Kingdom that can say prophecies.
X-Ray. No you can't use them
Mentors. Warwolf
Myself. I'm an active person, I'm always happy and want to help people, I always want to be the leader and have a strong tempermanent
Work. I like archtitecture and being a leader of something.
Server. I was looking for a medieval roleplay server


CHARACTER

Name.
Cathal Jacob Ocervus
Character Age. 17
Race. Human
Apparence. He's a tall person, 1,85cm tall, He has short Brown hair and His eyes are green like grass, his face is thin, He's thin, with long legs and his dark-skinned, but not much. He gives much importance in clothes only have good clothing clothes, like silk. He has a Scar down his right eyes and he's fit.

TEST!

Travelling... I always love travelling, but not in this way... The Sea of the Storm was abrupt and the gallery of the boat was so dirty and the other slaves I was with were so disturbing and there were 2 or 3 boys that were all time crying and yelling Mom, Mom!, the only that I was doing was hugging my sister, that was sleeping, and touching around my Silver Ring, the Ring was given by my father, Maximo Ocervus, he was the Commander of the Light Army, and my sister was grabbing a collar that my mom, Melissa Ocervus.

A pirate suddenly show up and tell us to stand up and make a queue because we were bringing closer to our destiny, nobody knew where we were going to, but everyone knew that we wouldn't like it. I woke up my sister, Helena, and I got into the queue with the rest of the prisoners.

Why did we get kinnaped? One day, when were travelling to a city with my parents because of my father issues, we decided to rest in the beach and see the stars all together, me, my sister, my parents and 2 embassators friends of my dad. So, we made a campfire and we sang a song about the Battle of The Five Rivers, then we decided to Look to the stars, my dad taught me some constellations and then I got asleep. The only thing I remember is that someone put my sister a bag around her head and then another one put me another bag to me. I heard from a deep voice: "Kill the embassators and capture the kids and the parents, they could be slaves if we sell them correctly". Then, someone hit me with a rock in the head and I fainted, next I got up in this boat but I didn't find my parents.

We went to deck and I saw a beach with thousand of trees in the background, we were going to the beach with the others prisoners when I saw some horses in the beach, I thought that we could escaped so I said my sister to keep calm and try to steal a knife of a pirate to brake the chains of rope that we had in the hands, then my sister pushed a pirate and very quickly she thought the knife that he had in his hip to the floor and I covered quickly with sand, then the pirate hit my sister in the face strongly and a tear went down though her face. It was the time to escaped, I dropped and I cutted the rope then I cut my sister's ones, and we held the rope to pretent that he still having then, when we were near the horses, i made my sister a signal and we started to run towards them, my sister was slower than me and I rode the horse first but 3 pirates were running towards my sister when there were only a few feets that I could held my sister and run away a pirate catched my sister and she cleverly hit the horse to make it to run, I only remember her blue eyes watching to me, she made me free with her freedom, I hope to see her again.

Then I got into the forest and rode across the lands looking for a city, but when I touched my pocket I saw her collar, she knew that she couldn't escaped and she let me to be free
 

Cukie1

Essentially a Chihuahua
Aware Single
Legend
Pronouns
She/Her
Cukie1
Cukie1
Single
Hey there, this has been seen. I'll have a mentor posted as soon as possible
 

Paint

Lord of Altera
Frosty
Retired Staff
ShadowAdmin
ShadowAdmin
Frosty
Hello there Gcarazo02 -

Unfortunately in its current state, I'm going to have for you to rework your written test. For one, I need you to fix up all the grammatical errors and to soften up the story, right now its quite a bit cliched-tragic backstory. I'd suggest not having slavery and murder in the story.

While I cannot make you do it, I would also suggest reworking the backstory to fit within the existing lore and history that is currently on the server. All that information can be found in the Lore section of the forums.

Warm Regards;
-Paint
 

Gcarazo02

Villager
We lived for a long time in slyannen, there I used to play with my sister in the streets and pray to the PAntheon to keep save my dad, 6 years after, we moved to Knight's HAven , and I met the son of the King, The prince, we got on well and played together imaginated that we were Knight and we have to fight in a war, but when my dad came from war we had to move again and we passed the rest of the years in Thorne, I now that is from Artois house but it wasn't the same, then when we were travelling to Motte-Karlingen was when we were kidnapped

PD. my sister didn't died, she only was captured when we tried to escaped but she knew that she could escaped to she sacrifice for me Paint
 

Paint

Lord of Altera
Frosty
Retired Staff
ShadowAdmin
ShadowAdmin
Frosty
We lived for a long time in slyannen, there I used to play with my sister in the streets and pray to the PAntheon to keep save my dad, 6 years after, we moved to Knight's HAven , and I met the son of the King, The prince, we got on well and played together imaginated that we were Knight and we have to fight in a war, but when my dad came from war we had to move again and we passed the rest of the years in Thorne, I now that is from Artois house but it wasn't the same, then when we were travelling to Motte-Karlingen was when we were kidnapped

PD. my sister didn't died, she only was captured when we tried to escaped but she knew that she could escaped to she sacrifice for me Paint
Heya, your test has to be a minim of 400 words; I'm not sure where what you wrote above mixes in, please edit the main thread.

Thank you.

-Paint
 

Gcarazo02

Villager
Travelling... I always love travelling, but not in this way... The Sea of the Storm was abrupt and the gallery of the boat was so dirty and the other slaves I was with were so disturbing and there were 2 or 3 boys that were all time crying and yelling Mom, Mom!, the only that I was doing was hugging my sister, that was sleeping, and touching around my Silver Ring, the Ring was given by my father, Maximo Ocervus, he was the Commander of the Light Army, and my sister was grabbing a collar that my mom, Melissa Ocervus.

A pirate suddenly show up and tell us to stand up and make a queue because we were bringing closer to our destiny, nobody knew where we were going to, but everyone knew that we wouldn't like it. I woke up my sister, Helena, and I got into the queue with the rest of the prisoners.

We lived for a long time in slyannen, there I used to play with my sister in the streets and pray to the PAntheon to keep save my dad, 6 years after, we moved to Knight's HAven , and I met the son of the King, The prince, we got on well and played together imaginated that we were Knight and we have to fight in a war, but when my dad came from war we had to move again and we passed the rest of the years in Thorne, I now that is from Artois house but it wasn't the same,when were travelling to a city with my parents because of my father issues, we decided to rest in the beach and see the stars all together, me, my sister, my parents and 2 embassators friends of my dad. So, we made a campfire and we sang a song about the Battle of The Five Rivers, then we decided to Look to the stars, my dad taught me some constellations and then I got asleep. The only thing I remember is that someone put my sister a bag around her head and then another one put me another bag to me. I heard from a deep voice: "Kill the embassators and capture the kids and the parents, they could be slaves if we sell them correctly". Then, someone hit me with a rock in the head and I fainted, next I got up in this boat but I didn't find my parents.

We went to deck and I saw a beach with thousand of trees in the background, we were going to the beach with the others prisoners when I saw some horses in the beach, I thought that we could escaped so I said my sister to keep calm and try to steal a knife of a pirate to brake the chains of rope that we had in the hands, then my sister pushed a pirate and very quickly she thought the knife that he had in his hip to the floor and I covered quickly with sand, then the pirate hit my sister in the face strongly and a tear went down though her face. It was the time to escaped, I dropped and I cutted the rope then I cut my sister's ones, and we held the rope to pretent that he still having then, when we were near the horses, i made my sister a signal and we started to run towards them, my sister was slower than me and I rode the horse first but 3 pirates were running towards my sister when there were only a few feets that I could held my sister and run away a pirate catched my sister and she cleverly hit the horse to make it to run, I only remember her blue eyes watching to me, she made me free with her freedom, I hope to see her again.

Then I got into the forest and rode across the lands looking for a city, but when I touched my pocket I saw her collar, she knew that she couldn't escaped and she let me to be free

Paint
 

Cukie1

Essentially a Chihuahua
Aware Single
Legend
Pronouns
She/Her
Cukie1
Cukie1
Single
Hey there, I'll be taking This over for now, while Paint is away. I'll have to request that the changes Paint has requested be done to the test, this includes:
-Slavery may have to be removed
-grammatical and syntax errors reviewed
-Please try to avoid using characters from the server, as Knights Haven isn't a kingdom, it's a duchy. He cannot know the royal family of a standing city.
 

Cukie1

Essentially a Chihuahua
Aware Single
Legend
Pronouns
She/Her
Cukie1
Cukie1
Single
I will be declining this for inactivity
 
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