Canon Azariah Ralotumal

[The Cinnaroll]

While I'm having a small lapse in desire to roleplay, I figured that I would test out my abilities to write stories!
These will be stories written from Azariah's point of view, and most of it will be things that happen 'off camera' so to speak. And in no particular order.
But now that we've said that! Let's get started, shall we?

Current List of Important Events
> Realizing Emeric was growing up. Feeling the guilt of her actions. <
"Memories of the Past"
> Coming to accept her past for what it is. <
"Understanding Oneself"
> Remembering the death of the first woman she loved. <
"Sleeping Memories"

List of Important Events to be Written
> Meeting Audric
> Meeting Cymic
> Meeting Lillinette
> The Affair
> Meeting Sif Sigurd
> Forgiving Lillinette
> Meeting Althalos
> Death of Althalos
> Meeting Jeroxia
> Jeroxia Leaving
> The attack by Hemlock
> The 'Peace Treaty' signing
> Audric proposing
> Birth of Emeric
> Birth of Ayda​

 

[The Cinnaroll]

Sitting in the deafening silence aside from the sound of the fire crackling in the nearby hearth, Azariah just stared at the open doors of the tavern as tears run silently down her face. Watching the black hair of her son disappear through the door and outward into a world now on the threshold of a war, a thousand and one things flashing through her mind such as memories of things long past and things that she could have done differently. Memories run like a film through her mind, flashing and flicking in every direction. Seeing faces that she missed so dearly, seeing the faces of others who she wished to never see again. Putting her hands over her eyes, she felt as if her head was spinning. But everything came back to her son, Emeric. No... Auron. His name was Auron. Until her stubborn pride changed his name. In what seemed like a flash, she could hear the familiar sound of wind whistling through the bricks of the old cathedral back at the Crossroads. Standing and looking around, she almost felt as if she was in a dream. She was back at that old place, but she knew this memory and it was one that she hated herself for. She paused as she heard a familiar song, turning to see herself and Emeric as a small child sitting in the front row. Biting her bottom lip, tears running faster, wetting the front of her shirt. Stepping forward with her arms wrapped around herself tightly, she just watched as a much younger version of herself rocked the child, singing, only to stop as she heard footsteps. Turning to see the boys father, Cymic, step into view she would just stare. Turning her back on the scene in front of her, the feeling of guilt washing over her like a wave as she just listened to the figments of her mind speak to each other.

"He's made his choice. Auron stays with me."
"I'll send money to help."
"I don't want or need your money."

She just flinched as she heard the cold tone in her own voice, shaking her head as she put her hands over her ears to try to tune out the conversation. Trying to tune her own voice out, she'd just stand there shaking before finally letting out a scream that no one was around to hear. Screaming for what reason she didn't know. To make the voices stop? To change the past that set into motion the events of her current life? In Emeric's life? The guilt she felt, the blame she laid on her own shoulders. Moving her hands from her ears to grab at her own shoulders, moving to crumble to the floor as she sobbed. She would turn her head to look back at the scene, watching as Emeric hid behind her legs as his father had tried to talk to him. The look on her own face, the response to it all. She felt a kick to her chest as she remembered the /joy/ she felt at ripping Emeric away from Cymic. The happiness she felt that their son had turned his back on him. While she never did do anything to harbor the hate, she never did anything to stop it from growing inside of the impressionable mind. She could have did things differently. She could have tried to tell him of the good that his father had done, but no. She stood silent as others filled the boy's mind of the evil and wrong that he had done, leading to where they are now. Far away, and long ago, she had the chance to stop it. Watching Cymic leave the cathedral as her and Emeric knelt there and whispered about going home, she would turn to face herself as she began to scream.

"You stupid woman! This was the start of it all! You could have let him be a part of his life! No! Your stupid pride. Your stupid wounded pride! You ruined a relationship between a father and a son because of your own goddamn pride! Was it that important that you try to hurt him?! What good did it do?! Why?! You stupid stupid woman!"

She'd attempt to reach forward to grab at herself, only to be snapped from her daydream as she felt the back of the bench in front of her slam into her stomach. Blinking, tears still running down her face, she would turn quickly to see that she was back in the tavern. Rubbing at her eyes, she would take deep breaths as she put her hand on her head. Moving to sit down once again, she'd close her eyes and let out a breath. Though she would just freeze as once again she began to smell something other than the burning smoke. Flowers? Why were there flowers here? Opening her eyes, she would find herself under a tree at Champagnac, a worried look on her face now as she found herself in another memory. Just shaking her head, she would look around before she heard her voice again, calling for her son. Turning, she would see the toddler running down the path towards her. A small smile, a happy memory, if only for a moment before she heard another voice, a male. Blinking, she turned as she saw Benjamin Beaumont step through the door to call Emeric inside to study. The boy would at first shake his head, but after a stern word would slowly pull away from his mother to step inside to once again move to his studies.

"... You left him there. You left him in the arms of a racist. You... You you... But you did it to give him a good life. You did it to give him a life that you couldn't give him on your own... after turning away his offer to help. You..."

She'd step closer to the elven woman who just stared at the door of the home as Ben just closed the door as he began the lessons before even reaching the classroom. She would watch as the vision of herself would just bite back the tears, then turn to walk down the path. As the ghost of the past passed through her, she would just stand there before turning and trying to reach out to grab her to turn her around. To try to get her to go back, lay claim to her son! There was still time, they could run! They could... but this was only a memory. She'd bring her hand back to herself as she'd press her hand against her chest. Feeling that kick in her chest once again, guilt, worry.

"... But that's not why you kept him there. It was because you knew that he wouldn't approve of where you put your son. All of this... is to spite him. Isn't it? You ruining your son's life... is to spite him. In everything you do... every choice you made... was against him. Sigurd was right. He was running your life, without even issuing an order. You stupid woman..."

She'd just close her eyes, rubbing at her face as she tried to will herself back to the present. Listening to herself train in the garden with her practice sword, she felt herself sinking further and further into memories. She would let out a small whimper as she bit her lip, teeth piercing her skin as she began to taste the copper in her mouth. Lifting her head to look, she would see memories flashing around her in full color. Turning one way would bring her into a new memory while turning the other direction would bring her to a different one. Turning, crying, she couldn't make it stop, all the thoughts, all the memories. Feeling as if she would finally break, she would try to continue to turn herself to find any happy memories, any good memories of her and her son. Trying to find one thing she had done right, one thing in his or her life that she had done right. Spinning faster and faster, she would begin to feel a familiar feeling crawling up her back, her own voice whispering in her ear with a sickeningly sweet yet toxic tone.

"You've just ruined the lives of those around you. Who would still love you after all you've done to them? Your son? Ruined by your own hand. And what of that woman who you call sister? You could have stayed well enough alone... Let her and the man you roped into a relationship actually be happy. But no, you and your pride had to ruin it. Or what about Gabe? She's dead because of you. You caused a man to drink because of you, isn't that right? Poor Althalos. He actually cared about you a lot! Ruined that you did. Broke poor Elmond's heart too, sent him crying out of the room! All because you were thinking only of yourself. Tsk tsk. You think someone like you deserves happiness? Deserves forgiveness? The only thing you've earned is to be alone, locked away where no one can be ruined by you again."

Just sitting there, she would refuse to fight back the thoughts. She had gotten so use to hearing them that it no longer was startling to hear them. The blame, the guilt, all of it she was so use to. For years she blamed herself. For years, she felt as if it was all her fault. But what could she do? What could change the past? Nothing. She would find herself slowly drying her tears, taking in a deep breath as she would just rub at her face as she found peace in the familiar feelings of guilt and blame. However, what caught her off guard was her hearing a little voice somewhere in the back of her mind, a familiar one. Blinking, she'd look up from her spot in the floor of the tavern to look into the face of her son, young and innocent.

"I love you, mama!"

Tears running new, she'd reach out to take his hand. As soon as her fingers touched him however, the toddler would grow, aging to the young man that had been standing in front of her just now. Matured, no longer her Storeen, yet always her Storeen. No longer her baby, but always her baby. She'd stand up slowly, just looking at him. Putting her hand over her mouth, she'd try not to make a sound as she held onto the vision. Watching, she did all she could to keep from reaching out to try to touch him again as he smiled. That smile that she so rarely saw anymore. Standing in front of her one moment, then gone the next, she would watch as the smiling vision of her son simply faded into nothing as it turned to follow the same path that he had just taken. She'd turn and stumble into the nearby bench, putting her face in her hands as she just tried to calm herself down. Still hearing the whispers, she would fail to hear the footsteps of a familiar Moor coming into the tavern. Knowing something was wrong with her sister, Lillinette would just sit down beside her and wrap her arms around her to pull her close in a hug which only set the broken lady into a fit of tears once again as she turned and buried her face against her.

"Lillinette... What have I done?..."​

 

[The Cinnaroll]

Somewhere inside of her northern home, Azariah passed past the threshold of the study. Looking around, it still seemed somewhat funny to see all that she had accomplished. While not being any sort of noble or important individual, she had made a home for herself and her family. She raised one child to adulthood with what seemed like minimal problems, and was raising a second. She was a mother, a partner and to be wife and all of this seemed so... bizarre. She had always wanted this, but only recently had it really began to hit home with her that she had actually achieved it. She smiled as she walked past the rows of books; one worn and beaten book seemed to catch her interest.

"Well... I'll be damned. I thought I had lost this thing..."

Taking the journal up in her hands, she would brush her fingers over the cover, feeling the rough and dry leather under her fingers as she began to grin. Sitting at the fireplace while listening to the crackling of the burning wood and enjoying the warmth and soft glow of the fire, the moor would begin to idly flick through the pages of the long lost diary. Drawing her legs up beside her on the couch, she would rest her elbow against the arm of the seat while propping her cheek into the palm of her hand. Seeming to lose herself in her own world of memories, she revisited each moment in her life that seemed to shape her into what she was today. At a random fit of curiosity, she turned the pages all the way back to the beginning only to cringe slightly while wrinkling her nose with the immediate realization that the first part of this journal was going to be quite... horrid, maybe even cringe worthy.

"There's a new community that some old man named 'Packer' wants me to join. It seems pretty interesting. He promised a home, that's what's important really. Then there's this one man who seems to be somewhat a jerk but... heh, he's kinda handsome I guess. Sounds like he crawled out of the stomach of a rum-drunk pirate, and tends to drink too much. Oh, and he got his ass kicked by a bunch of kids cause he was being stupid and got high on some sort of berries. Apparently this kid wanted his bandana, and took it! Well, that turned into him taking her glasses, then they all took a tumble outside and they landed on him and he looked like a broken soul. It was entertaining really..."

Reading through the entry, she couldn't help but snicker. The scene played in her mind, seeming as clear as crystal to her, as if she was living in the moment once again. Watching Cymic take the fall out of the Crossroad's upper floor, only to be landed on by some child. She couldn't help but continue to laugh before she shook her head before continuing to read. A small frown began to grow her face however as she began to notice a pattern in her writing. As time went on, the stories would turn from events and what was going on around her to focusing on just one thing. The relationship. Letting out a small groan, she would just turn the page once again as she would began to realize just how bad things really had been.

"Pantheon, can't blame him really. Looking back on this... I mean, I would have at least split before banging the sister but damn."

She blinked as one of the pages seemed different than the other, almost as if crinkly from being wet then it hit her. With a heavy heart she looked down at what it said, it not taking very long to realize what was going on. This was the point when the main turning point had begun to happen, the tipping of her obsession, the means that sent her down this path. Reading over the description of the scene where Cymic had lost his hand, followed by Lillinette patching up his hand, she would slowly turn the page as she could remember what was going to happen next. Then the hand writing changed. It went from clean and crisp, to more jagged and seemed to be written by someone who was distressed. Feeling tears form in the corners of her eyes at the hurt in her chest, she shook her head as she would clear her throat.

"I knew it. I knew it. He was sleeping with her. I knew. The look she gave me when I sat in his lap. All the time spent with her. I was right. A group of people caught them in the baths. Then Althalos came and told me. Gods... Gods just kill me. It hurts. It hurts so much. I can't stop crying! I'll kill that whore! It's all her fault! We were fine until SHE showed up! I know there was a few problems but it's not anything that couldn't have been fixed! I could have changed! I would have, I could have. Anything to make him happy!"

She just paused as she had looked over all of the frantic writing. It was obvious that what had happened had impacted her deeply. For so many pages there was nothing but frantic scribbles, a desperate cry from a woman who had been hurt. As the pages turned, Azariah raised an eyebrow as she began to realize something. Looking up with a hand resting on the page, she would keep her eyes closed as she would take in a deep breath, taking in a deep breath of the smoke. Forcing herself to think on what she had read, to focus on what she had wrote in her moments of distress, she tilted her head to look down. Brushing her fingers against the page, she could only feel a smirk twitch at the corner of her lips.

"There never was love... That was all an obsession on my part. It was all a lie, a fabricated relationship in my mind that I had no business being in and one that he did nothing to stop. It was two people who had no business being together. Heh... And to think, all this time I never really admitted that. I never wanted to I suppose. But maybe this is what Sigurd meant... He said that this was controlling me. Maybe he saw it for what it was… Maybe he-"

Her thoughts would be cut off as she turned her head at the sounds of footsteps. Smiling brightly, she would have seen Audric and Ayda moving into the study. The child was holding onto her father's hand tightly as the two had already began to discuss what story they were going to read. The both of them would have noticed her, moving over to the couch so that Ayda could curl up in her mother's lap. Tilting her head back to look at the ceiling and Audric, she smiled as she felt a kiss to her forehead before he had turned to go grab the book that Ayda had mentioned she wanted to read. Ayda had been busy looking down at the journal in Azariah's hands, tilting her head a little before turning to look back at her.

"Mama I've never seen this story! What's this? Why is the lady sad in there? Why are the pages like this? Did the lady finally find a way to be happy?"

All the questions caused Azariah to laugh, but it did cause her to think. Looking back at Audric rummage through all the books, a smile would cross her face as she realized what was there was true love there. A true connection to a person, someone who she knew made her happy and made her feel safe. There wasn't the tightening in her chest, the feeling of needing to be perfect for him. He loved her as she was; through her weight gain and loss, her mood swings and through the pregnancy, for all the good and bad that she put him through. Turning her head to look down at Ayda who was looking at her very expectantly for the end of the 'story', she would brush her fingers against the little girl's face so to brush the hair from her eyes.

"Yes she did, my love. Yes she did. She found her happiness. She found true love, and she had a family, and a home. She taught her daughter everything she could, spent her days with her husband, and she lived happily ever after. But you know... I think you're prettier than the girl in the story!"

Pinching Ayda's cheek would cause the girl would fuss at the sudden attention as she huffed. Jumping down from her mama's lap, she would have made her way over to Audric's side as she began to grumble about how her mama was being weird again, this only causing Azariah to laugh. Shaking her head, she turned to look down at the journal once more. She read through more pages, more and more pages of her life and stories from long ago. She couldn’t help but sigh softly as she watched the obsession turn to heartbreak, the pain of finding out the truth, all of this pain flowing through the words. As she read those entries, page after page, she realized something. While things might not have turned out how she had wanted them to in the beginning, she couldn't have wished for a better life. A family, a pending engagement, a home, all of these things were all that she ever wanted, and while she might have gone through hell to get here, she wouldn't change any of it for anything.​

 

[The Cinnaroll]

The sound of shifting blankets and sleep echoed in the pitch black room of her home. Azariah had her pillow clutched tightly to herself as she continued to toss and turn, reliving one of her most regretted memories. Somewhere, deep in the soft embrace of sleep, her mind was replaying the day of one of her closest friend’s death. The group of people from the memory moved through the undead laden streets of Tambry. Peaking through broken windows of abandoned shops and broken homes, they were looking for only one person. Gabe. The memory over time had become hazy, the corners of her vision seeming to blur as her and the group she traveled with had turned the corner only to spot her. Standing at the Tambry market gate, there she was. While parts of her memory had begun to fade, she could see Gabe in that moment perfectly. As clear as the day that this all happened. Her body moved on its own, carrying her through the memory.

“Gabe! Stop! You need to apologize for that bullshit you did! You can’t mean what you said, right? And you shouldn’t threaten a child like that!”

In her room, her restless sleep would continue. Her partner seemed to not notice the motions as he had grown accustomed to her nightmares. While staring down the woman who she had grown to love in some ways more than just platonically, she felt a pang of guilt move through her as she realized that Gabe was speaking but she heard nothing. After all this time, she had forgotten what her first female love sounded like. Tears began to run down her face in her sleep as Gabe began to charge for her, weapon drawn. Her dream began to twist and morph into a darker version of the events. The ground seemed to fall away in places, the world changing into something from a true horror story as trees died and crumbled while buildings fell away. Her whole focus however, was on Gabe. The look of twisted emotions on her face caused her breath to catch in her chest, her hand coming up over her mouth. The scene around her began to slow before freezing entirely, as if to show her the true magnitude of the moment. Tears flowed even in her dream as she tried to rub at her face to cause them to stop. The only thing that did however was make her eyes burn as more tears ran down her face.

"You... stupid bitch. Why... Why did you have to do this? All I wanted was an apology. I didn’t want this to happen. You threatened to kill a child, Lillinette’s son. You said I-… I wasn’t your sister anymore. All I wanted to do was get you to come with us to the new world, Gabe."

As she begged to the woman in front of her while frozen in a thought in time, the sounds around her would suddenly return as the movement in front of her caused her to jump. The dream had continued, her now tear stained face watching Gabe continue her advance. And just like that, her body began to move on its own once again. Replaying in the dream the hated memory she watched as Althalos and Lillinette stepped in to block the attack. Then the fight began. Slashing, stabbing, screaming, crossbows firing, all of it rang sharply in her ears as she watched as the group of four on one backed Gabe into a corner. Her mind inwardly was begging to stop, just to stop the dream or to change the ending, even in her dream a part of her wishing that she would wake up and all these past years would be a dream. That Gabe was still there, Emeric was still a small child, that Lillinette was still there, as well as her friends.

"Gabe please! Just lay your weapon down! Put down the zweihänder. Please! We... We could go away! Just the both of us! Just like we wanted, just like we promised. Please just stop! I don’t want to hurt you! I never did. Oh Pantheon, please. Make it stop!"

Those words never came though they rattled around in her head. No matter how loudly she had screamed in her mind, the words never left her. Would it have changed the outcome anyway? Gabe was the one who had charged but they came as a group to find her, to make her apologize for her actions. But that’s all they wanted was an apology! With the sound of a pulled trigger, there would be a hollow thump as a bolt had pierced Gabe’s thigh. Even at that time, she would have frozen in one spot as she watched the red flower start to spread over the wound. She was the one that had done this, the one who was supposed to be her sister. She was the one who promised to be there for her no matter what, for the one who was her first female love, the one who she promised that if things could only change that they could try. This was all her own doing, and Azariah knew it. She knew where the blame sat, and it was firmly on her own shoulders. Others passed, but no one tried to stop them from attacking the woman. No one cared enough to try. They simply decided to shake their heads and make snide comments and flee the scene. Shaking her head, she was about to open her mouth, to tell everyone to stop! To try to bring people back to their senses, and to stop the fighting! That things had gotten out of hand, and that maybe-

Then there was the flash of light, a reflection of the sun off of polished metal. A dagger, that’s all it took. To bring down the woman who she had seen fight through the undead, to end the woman who had come so far in her life even with her crippling depression. Her eyes moved to follow the light to its source to see Sorien behind her, dagger in hand. A stab came to the back of the neck, in that small space between her helmet and her armor, followed by a look of recognition over Gabe’s face. Gabe began to stumble, moving herself to a wall. In her dream, her own face remained emotionless because to her at the time she knew that people came back from the dead and this would be no different. In her dark bedroom however, tears had already soaked her pillow and her body had begun to shake. The whole scene was less than 10 minutes but it seemed to roll for an eternity in her mind as she would see Gabe look up at her. And what was the last word on the woman’s lips before passing? Her name. “Azariah.” That’s what her last words where. Her chest tightened. She did nothing to help her… she had called out to her and she did nothing. Turning away, the scene had once again stopped in time. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as she began to choke back a sob.

"Gabe... I'm so sorry. I... I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am. You never came back... You always were trying to kill yourself, but I never thought it would be because of me that you died... These people collected up like this because it was me... And now you're gone. My sister, one of my closest friends. Why... Why wouldn't you just stop! Why wouldn't you just apologize! Why..."

Somewhere faintly in the distance she began to hear her name, but it seemed so out of place. That voice didn’t belong in this memory. It didn’t belong in this time at all! She turned around in circles to try to find where it was coming from. She knew the voice but she couldn’t pin where. As the voice became louder the dream felt as if it was slipping away. Someone was shaking her by her shoulders, calling out to her. Her eyes snapped open as she looked around the dark confines of her room in a frantic mess before finally settling on the source of the voice. Audric held a look of worry, holding onto her shoulders tightly as if he were worried that if she fell asleep she would begin to cry again.

“Azariah! You’re awake… You’re going to be alright. It was only a dream.”

Biting at her bottom lip, tears began to pool at the corners of her eyes before she all but threw herself into his chest, holding onto his torso tightly as she rubbed her face against him. Falling into a full on sob, she buried her face against his chest as she would choke out her words.

"I just watched her die, Audric. I could have helped her! But I just watched her die…”​

 

[The Cinnaroll]

 

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