- Pronouns
- He/Him
Slimy_Froggy
Patron
Inspired by the horror christmas event in game, but written in nowadays time.
Ambience:
Have you ever wondered why Santa gives some people a bag of dirty coal?
“Because they were bad” I hear you say, but why not something else? What is his goal?
This tale will make it as clear as the sound of sleigh bells,
Why santa gives coal to bad children, and not something else.
It was an early evening, Christmas night, twilight had only just fallen over the lands.
The snow fell heavily in a cold storm, upon a small group of friends.
They had gone to the Peak District near Sheffield for a refreshing sunny afternoon walk.
But they were caught by a turn of the weather, and were now desperately lost in the dark.
The wind whipped at their faces and howled in their ears.
And the Italian man said: “I wish we were in a pub, drinking some beers.”
His words were barely spoken, when the French man said: “Shelter! Look, there!”
The snowflakes were frozen into his soft golden blonde hair.
The Dutch girl made a little dance of glee,
“Our salvation! A warm place! Finally!”
The carpet of snow grew ever thicker and thicker to incredible heights.
The tall Dutch guy’s eyes followed where the French man pointed, happy with the sight.
It was a log cabin, on top of a small hill, but not everyone could see.
Especially the small Mexican and the South African lady.
They barely reached above the deep snow
and had to walk in the back of the row.
The Venezuelan man shivered in the cold,
while the Moldovan girl had no trouble at all!
They came closer and closer to the shelter in the snowy sea.
Now they started to see the smoke rising from the chimney.
They started to run, filled with joyful feelings, they were so happy!
As they reached the cabin, the Greek girl quickly made a selfie.
But the happiness turned to wonder, as they noticed something odd…
The door was open, the snow blew into the hut…
All nine of them were so eager to get warm again.
That they quickly went indoors and closed the door behind them.
“Anybody home?” Shouted the Greek girl as she went in.
They got no reply, they were alone, or so it would seem.
They waited for their eyes to adjust to the dark room.
After a while, they could see through the hazy gloom.
In the corner to their left stood a Christmas tree tall.
It was decorated with all kinds of festive decorations and colorful balls.
“It seems the people who live here were very bad.”
A bag of coal underneath the tree is what made the Italian guy say that.
“Santa has been here, look, the cookies and the milk are no more!”
“That’s a pity” said the Dutch guy, “I’m hungry as a horse”
So they all went to the kitchen, to get something to eat.
After all, the air inside had a thick smell of roasted meat.
But in the oven, no turkey they found.
So all nine of them started to look around.
They searched through the cupboards and drawers and shelves.
Promising, whatever they found, they would keep none for themselves.
Because it was Christmas, a time of sharing and giving.
And these people were the closest group of friends ever living.
So after a while, they came back together.
To share what they found so everyone could feel better.
“I found some teacups, but they’re empty.” Said the Mexican girl sadly.
“That’s not very useful.” Replied the Moldovan lady.
“I found an antique cannon, quite beautiful!” Said the Greek miss.
“Beautiful, but useless.” Sighed the Dutch guy with a grimace.
“I’ve not found a single breadcrumb!” Said the Venezuelan with a surprised face.
“And there is no cheese to be found!” Screamed the Frenchman “What is this terrible place?”
“Perhaps she found something.” Said the African girl, gesturing at someone with a shrug.
She was pointing at a girl that was dancing, holding three steaming mugs.
“I found three cups of hot chocolate!” Said the Dutch girl and she danced a little bit more.
They had to divide those three drinks into nine, that much was for sure.
Everyone had to get their share, it is Christmas; so these kind of things matter!
They took the cups that the Mexican girl had found, and around they’d gather.
Once they all had a third portion from each hot chocolate drink,
They could finally relax, but the Dutch guy said: “Who used to live here, you think?”
“And where are they now?” Added the Italian man.
“Let’s find out!” Yelled the Mexican girl. “I know we can!”
“It’s the least we can do, the chocolate we’re drinking is probably theirs!”
They all agreed to what the Mexican lady said, they all seemed to care.
So they left the kitchen and returned to the room they entered in.
They started to look for clues, while sipping their hot chocolate with a grin.
The grins quickly turned to a very fearful face.
When they noticed snowy footprints all over the place.
These footprints were not theirs, for they had wiped their feet on the doormat.
These footprints were very large, human and slick with a layer of… fat?
The footprints went from the rug to the christmas tree and back again.
They went from the rug to the kitchen, and back they ran!
“There’s something about that rug, that doesn’t seem right.”
Said the Moldovan girl, pinching her eyes at the ugly blight.
The men of the company nodded at each other, all seemingly on the same page.
They each grabbed one of the heavy couches on the rug, and pushed them away.
Then the girls smiled at each other, seemingly knowing what to do.
They pulled the rug to the side, and off it flew.
Revealing a giant hole, that used to be hidden underneath the carpet.
It was covered by a thick layer of ice. “That’s where the footsteps came from, I bet.”
Now all of them looked at each other, in a very serious way.
“Are we really doing this? We can still go home…” They simultaneously dared to say.
And simultaneously they felt ashamed.
“Since when have we become so lame?”
These friends had always helped those who were in need.
And during Christmas, it seemed the right thing to do, the most noble of deeds.
They shrugged and were now very determined to press on and see.
To get to the bottom of this, or at least satisfy their curiosity.
But they had to break through that thick ice-sheet.
So they stamped on it with their feet!
They clawed at it with their nails,
but everything they did failed.
None of their attempts even left a scratch.
And then the Greek girl said: “It is the cannon we need to fetch.”
To which the men of the company quickly made their way to the antique object.
They wanted to lift it on their shoulders, but some strength lacked.
So the girls gave them ‘that look’ and went to help the four.
Now who would have thought? They managed to get the thing off the floor!
Step by step, they slowly came closer to the icy mess.
They threw the cannon on it, followed by a loud “CRASH!”
Echoes of the metal thing falling down through a hollow space
and a smell of cooked roast meat rose up and brought a smile on their face.
“Perhaps it’s not all that bad! I’m still hungry…” Noticed the Dutch man
“Well… I’m a bit scared, ánd I’m vegetarian.” Replied the French vege-table fan.
The smell was spreading and they could all imagine the meat and dripping fat.
“I’m going in!” Said the African girl, with the curiosity of a cat.
So all nine of them, in a long line, followed each other into the darkness.
But it wasn’t all dark, every now and then, there was a flash.
They all looked to see where it came from, their eyes set to seek.
But it was just the Dutch girl making a selfie with the Greek.
Relieved, they went into the cold, icy cavern.
Using their little cellphones as lanterns.
There were coal veins scattered in the walls, and icicles on the ceiling above them.
They had no idea what lay in wait, and whether they’d ever return from this again.
Even though it was cold, and the coal looked dirty, and the company felt very unsafe;
On they went, persistent, determined, deeper into the cave.
There lay the ancient cannon, on its side, against a wall.
And it seemed they had reached the end of this cold dark hall.
“It’s a dead end, there’s nothing here.” Said the brave Italian.
“But it looks as if it’s a cave-in.” Replied the Moldovan.
They walked up to the dead end, hoping to discover something.
Indeed; there was a space behind this rubble, but with no way in.
They turned simultaneously to look at the cannon laying there.
Perhaps there was still one shot left in that cannon fair.
“It is not so useless after all.” The Greek girl grinned to the Dutch guy.
“You are right. Now let’s aim this thing and shoot that rubble into the sky!”
The bad habit of smoking, now had an advantage for all of them,
as the African girl lit the fuse with her lighter and away she ran.
They all managed to get to safety and stood in wait for the bang.
Afore the cannon blared and shot a cannonball, while the echoes rang.
Their ears now resounded with a very high pitched noise
and they all had their eyes closed, they didn’t have a choice.
Because the cave was now filled with dust and smoke.
And they coughed from that foul air, it was really no joke.
As the dust settled, again they smelled the roasted meat.
And with the air being clear now, they could finally see.
The cannon had blasted the wall to smithereens
And through that gaping hole, the most terrifying sight was seen…
The nine friends couldn’t help but freeze in their place,
as they grit their teeth and were afraid of the danger they had to face.
“If we get out of here alive, I swear I’ll always share my cheese!” Said the French.
To which the Venezuelan guy replied: “I’m glad you have been my friends.”
“We are sure to perish here, we’ll die tonight”
Said the Mexican girl, to which the Dutch guy replied:
“No, we must be strong, this is just an elaborate test.”
“To see if our friendship is strong enough, it’s a challenge we must best!”
So they slowly rose to their feet, and stopped hiding.
Clenching their fists, looking stern, ready to start fighting.
By now you must be wondering what our group of friends are looking at.
I’ll relay it to you, in great detail as a matter of fact!
Behind where the wall once had been, was a giant hollow cave.
The floor was made of ice, and on it some creatures did skate.
They were goblinesque, as if a mix between a Dwarf and an Elf.
Small, with sharp little teeth, and into human corpses they delved!
Cutting with butcher knives as long as your arm.
Bashing with meat hammers, doing much harm.
Dividing into portions, pieces of flesh in large stacks.
Then wrapping it up in a package, and bringing it to the back.
And they did not even subdivide color or race.
Oh no, white, yellow, black, or red, to them it was all the same.
There was a pile of legs, a pile of arms, a pile of toes and fingers.
Now our friends realized: It was a mistake in this place to linger.
One of these creatures saw them, raised an alarm, and looked incredibly vile.
And before too long, an army of them skated towards our heroes in style.
They did tricks, salto’s and all kind of monkeying around.
But it still looked dead-scary, or so our heroes found.
“Prepare to be eaten!” Yelled the Dutch guy to his friends.
Our heroes looked scared, here they would surely meet their end.
Awaiting for the first creature to reach them,
they were unsure what would happen.
Our friends were standing on solid rock, away from the evil crowd.
how could a creature ice-skate on that? They would soon find out.
For when the creature skated onto the stone
It evaporated! POOF! It was gone!
“Well, this might just be not as bad as we thought!”
Said the Dutch girl with a dance, holding the cellphone she brought.
“Let’s punch these creatures into the rock!” Said the Italian with a chuckle,
while he stretched his body and warmed up his muscles.
The little creatures looked in awe at the fit Italian gym going guy.
And quickly turned their little skates to flee for their lives!
The nine friends then ran onto the ice, full of bravery
but it proved quite difficult for some of them to stay on their feet.
The Dutch guy, the Dutch girl, and the Moldovan chased the creatures down.
While the African lady could hardly keep upright and complained with a frown.
“All my life I looked forward to skating on ice and being a beautiful swan,”
“But now my first time on ice I have to chase down a terrible swarm!”
The Mexican girl had some struggles too.
It was her first time as well; that made two.
And the Venezuelan man abruptly came to a stop.
When he slipped and fell. You could say: he did a terrible job.
The Greek girl, having seen snow already, and been on ice so cold.
Skated oddly over the surface, it wasn’t a pretty sight to behold.
The Italian guy, however, was laying on his belly while chasing their foe.
Punching his way over the ice, quite effectively so.
And the French man, oh, he was a remarkable sight.
He did ‘pirouettes’, ‘arabesques’ and a ‘croisé’ during the fight.
The Moldovan lady used her long, beautiful hair
To smash the creatures into the walls and leave them to evaporate there.
The two Dutchies were quite an amazing team.
They both did the strangest dance you had ever seen.
But at least they knocked a few of the creatures off of the ice,
and managed to clear a path, for their friends to reach the other side.
They steered clear of the large pile of human body parts,
and gazed at their greatest foe yet. Into their toes sank their hearts…
“HO HO HO!” They heard, looking at the backside of a three meter tall man.
As it turned, the cave shook under its weight, our friends had trouble to stand.
This man was as wide as he was tall, and he was covered in grease.
The nastiest sight any of our brave friends will ever see.
His beard was yellow from greasy fat, running down over his bare stomach.
With every step he made, snow and grease covered the rock.
“HO HO HO!” He yelled again, looking down onto their frightened faces.
Ambience:
Have you ever wondered why Santa gives some people a bag of dirty coal?
“Because they were bad” I hear you say, but why not something else? What is his goal?
This tale will make it as clear as the sound of sleigh bells,
Why santa gives coal to bad children, and not something else.
It was an early evening, Christmas night, twilight had only just fallen over the lands.
The snow fell heavily in a cold storm, upon a small group of friends.
They had gone to the Peak District near Sheffield for a refreshing sunny afternoon walk.
But they were caught by a turn of the weather, and were now desperately lost in the dark.
The wind whipped at their faces and howled in their ears.
And the Italian man said: “I wish we were in a pub, drinking some beers.”
His words were barely spoken, when the French man said: “Shelter! Look, there!”
The snowflakes were frozen into his soft golden blonde hair.
The Dutch girl made a little dance of glee,
“Our salvation! A warm place! Finally!”
The carpet of snow grew ever thicker and thicker to incredible heights.
The tall Dutch guy’s eyes followed where the French man pointed, happy with the sight.
It was a log cabin, on top of a small hill, but not everyone could see.
Especially the small Mexican and the South African lady.
They barely reached above the deep snow
and had to walk in the back of the row.
The Venezuelan man shivered in the cold,
while the Moldovan girl had no trouble at all!
They came closer and closer to the shelter in the snowy sea.
Now they started to see the smoke rising from the chimney.
They started to run, filled with joyful feelings, they were so happy!
As they reached the cabin, the Greek girl quickly made a selfie.
But the happiness turned to wonder, as they noticed something odd…
The door was open, the snow blew into the hut…
All nine of them were so eager to get warm again.
That they quickly went indoors and closed the door behind them.
“Anybody home?” Shouted the Greek girl as she went in.
They got no reply, they were alone, or so it would seem.
They waited for their eyes to adjust to the dark room.
After a while, they could see through the hazy gloom.
In the corner to their left stood a Christmas tree tall.
It was decorated with all kinds of festive decorations and colorful balls.
“It seems the people who live here were very bad.”
A bag of coal underneath the tree is what made the Italian guy say that.
“Santa has been here, look, the cookies and the milk are no more!”
“That’s a pity” said the Dutch guy, “I’m hungry as a horse”
So they all went to the kitchen, to get something to eat.
After all, the air inside had a thick smell of roasted meat.
But in the oven, no turkey they found.
So all nine of them started to look around.
They searched through the cupboards and drawers and shelves.
Promising, whatever they found, they would keep none for themselves.
Because it was Christmas, a time of sharing and giving.
And these people were the closest group of friends ever living.
So after a while, they came back together.
To share what they found so everyone could feel better.
“I found some teacups, but they’re empty.” Said the Mexican girl sadly.
“That’s not very useful.” Replied the Moldovan lady.
“I found an antique cannon, quite beautiful!” Said the Greek miss.
“Beautiful, but useless.” Sighed the Dutch guy with a grimace.
“I’ve not found a single breadcrumb!” Said the Venezuelan with a surprised face.
“And there is no cheese to be found!” Screamed the Frenchman “What is this terrible place?”
“Perhaps she found something.” Said the African girl, gesturing at someone with a shrug.
She was pointing at a girl that was dancing, holding three steaming mugs.
“I found three cups of hot chocolate!” Said the Dutch girl and she danced a little bit more.
They had to divide those three drinks into nine, that much was for sure.
Everyone had to get their share, it is Christmas; so these kind of things matter!
They took the cups that the Mexican girl had found, and around they’d gather.
Once they all had a third portion from each hot chocolate drink,
They could finally relax, but the Dutch guy said: “Who used to live here, you think?”
“And where are they now?” Added the Italian man.
“Let’s find out!” Yelled the Mexican girl. “I know we can!”
“It’s the least we can do, the chocolate we’re drinking is probably theirs!”
They all agreed to what the Mexican lady said, they all seemed to care.
So they left the kitchen and returned to the room they entered in.
They started to look for clues, while sipping their hot chocolate with a grin.
The grins quickly turned to a very fearful face.
When they noticed snowy footprints all over the place.
These footprints were not theirs, for they had wiped their feet on the doormat.
These footprints were very large, human and slick with a layer of… fat?
The footprints went from the rug to the christmas tree and back again.
They went from the rug to the kitchen, and back they ran!
“There’s something about that rug, that doesn’t seem right.”
Said the Moldovan girl, pinching her eyes at the ugly blight.
The men of the company nodded at each other, all seemingly on the same page.
They each grabbed one of the heavy couches on the rug, and pushed them away.
Then the girls smiled at each other, seemingly knowing what to do.
They pulled the rug to the side, and off it flew.
Revealing a giant hole, that used to be hidden underneath the carpet.
It was covered by a thick layer of ice. “That’s where the footsteps came from, I bet.”
Now all of them looked at each other, in a very serious way.
“Are we really doing this? We can still go home…” They simultaneously dared to say.
And simultaneously they felt ashamed.
“Since when have we become so lame?”
These friends had always helped those who were in need.
And during Christmas, it seemed the right thing to do, the most noble of deeds.
They shrugged and were now very determined to press on and see.
To get to the bottom of this, or at least satisfy their curiosity.
But they had to break through that thick ice-sheet.
So they stamped on it with their feet!
They clawed at it with their nails,
but everything they did failed.
None of their attempts even left a scratch.
And then the Greek girl said: “It is the cannon we need to fetch.”
To which the men of the company quickly made their way to the antique object.
They wanted to lift it on their shoulders, but some strength lacked.
So the girls gave them ‘that look’ and went to help the four.
Now who would have thought? They managed to get the thing off the floor!
Step by step, they slowly came closer to the icy mess.
They threw the cannon on it, followed by a loud “CRASH!”
Echoes of the metal thing falling down through a hollow space
and a smell of cooked roast meat rose up and brought a smile on their face.
“Perhaps it’s not all that bad! I’m still hungry…” Noticed the Dutch man
“Well… I’m a bit scared, ánd I’m vegetarian.” Replied the French vege-table fan.
The smell was spreading and they could all imagine the meat and dripping fat.
“I’m going in!” Said the African girl, with the curiosity of a cat.
So all nine of them, in a long line, followed each other into the darkness.
But it wasn’t all dark, every now and then, there was a flash.
They all looked to see where it came from, their eyes set to seek.
But it was just the Dutch girl making a selfie with the Greek.
Relieved, they went into the cold, icy cavern.
Using their little cellphones as lanterns.
There were coal veins scattered in the walls, and icicles on the ceiling above them.
They had no idea what lay in wait, and whether they’d ever return from this again.
Even though it was cold, and the coal looked dirty, and the company felt very unsafe;
On they went, persistent, determined, deeper into the cave.
There lay the ancient cannon, on its side, against a wall.
And it seemed they had reached the end of this cold dark hall.
“It’s a dead end, there’s nothing here.” Said the brave Italian.
“But it looks as if it’s a cave-in.” Replied the Moldovan.
They walked up to the dead end, hoping to discover something.
Indeed; there was a space behind this rubble, but with no way in.
They turned simultaneously to look at the cannon laying there.
Perhaps there was still one shot left in that cannon fair.
“It is not so useless after all.” The Greek girl grinned to the Dutch guy.
“You are right. Now let’s aim this thing and shoot that rubble into the sky!”
The bad habit of smoking, now had an advantage for all of them,
as the African girl lit the fuse with her lighter and away she ran.
They all managed to get to safety and stood in wait for the bang.
Afore the cannon blared and shot a cannonball, while the echoes rang.
Their ears now resounded with a very high pitched noise
and they all had their eyes closed, they didn’t have a choice.
Because the cave was now filled with dust and smoke.
And they coughed from that foul air, it was really no joke.
As the dust settled, again they smelled the roasted meat.
And with the air being clear now, they could finally see.
The cannon had blasted the wall to smithereens
And through that gaping hole, the most terrifying sight was seen…
The nine friends couldn’t help but freeze in their place,
as they grit their teeth and were afraid of the danger they had to face.
“If we get out of here alive, I swear I’ll always share my cheese!” Said the French.
To which the Venezuelan guy replied: “I’m glad you have been my friends.”
“We are sure to perish here, we’ll die tonight”
Said the Mexican girl, to which the Dutch guy replied:
“No, we must be strong, this is just an elaborate test.”
“To see if our friendship is strong enough, it’s a challenge we must best!”
So they slowly rose to their feet, and stopped hiding.
Clenching their fists, looking stern, ready to start fighting.
By now you must be wondering what our group of friends are looking at.
I’ll relay it to you, in great detail as a matter of fact!
Behind where the wall once had been, was a giant hollow cave.
The floor was made of ice, and on it some creatures did skate.
They were goblinesque, as if a mix between a Dwarf and an Elf.
Small, with sharp little teeth, and into human corpses they delved!
Cutting with butcher knives as long as your arm.
Bashing with meat hammers, doing much harm.
Dividing into portions, pieces of flesh in large stacks.
Then wrapping it up in a package, and bringing it to the back.
And they did not even subdivide color or race.
Oh no, white, yellow, black, or red, to them it was all the same.
There was a pile of legs, a pile of arms, a pile of toes and fingers.
Now our friends realized: It was a mistake in this place to linger.
One of these creatures saw them, raised an alarm, and looked incredibly vile.
And before too long, an army of them skated towards our heroes in style.
They did tricks, salto’s and all kind of monkeying around.
But it still looked dead-scary, or so our heroes found.
“Prepare to be eaten!” Yelled the Dutch guy to his friends.
Our heroes looked scared, here they would surely meet their end.
Awaiting for the first creature to reach them,
they were unsure what would happen.
Our friends were standing on solid rock, away from the evil crowd.
how could a creature ice-skate on that? They would soon find out.
For when the creature skated onto the stone
It evaporated! POOF! It was gone!
“Well, this might just be not as bad as we thought!”
Said the Dutch girl with a dance, holding the cellphone she brought.
“Let’s punch these creatures into the rock!” Said the Italian with a chuckle,
while he stretched his body and warmed up his muscles.
The little creatures looked in awe at the fit Italian gym going guy.
And quickly turned their little skates to flee for their lives!
The nine friends then ran onto the ice, full of bravery
but it proved quite difficult for some of them to stay on their feet.
The Dutch guy, the Dutch girl, and the Moldovan chased the creatures down.
While the African lady could hardly keep upright and complained with a frown.
“All my life I looked forward to skating on ice and being a beautiful swan,”
“But now my first time on ice I have to chase down a terrible swarm!”
The Mexican girl had some struggles too.
It was her first time as well; that made two.
And the Venezuelan man abruptly came to a stop.
When he slipped and fell. You could say: he did a terrible job.
The Greek girl, having seen snow already, and been on ice so cold.
Skated oddly over the surface, it wasn’t a pretty sight to behold.
The Italian guy, however, was laying on his belly while chasing their foe.
Punching his way over the ice, quite effectively so.
And the French man, oh, he was a remarkable sight.
He did ‘pirouettes’, ‘arabesques’ and a ‘croisé’ during the fight.
The Moldovan lady used her long, beautiful hair
To smash the creatures into the walls and leave them to evaporate there.
The two Dutchies were quite an amazing team.
They both did the strangest dance you had ever seen.
But at least they knocked a few of the creatures off of the ice,
and managed to clear a path, for their friends to reach the other side.
They steered clear of the large pile of human body parts,
and gazed at their greatest foe yet. Into their toes sank their hearts…
“HO HO HO!” They heard, looking at the backside of a three meter tall man.
As it turned, the cave shook under its weight, our friends had trouble to stand.
This man was as wide as he was tall, and he was covered in grease.
The nastiest sight any of our brave friends will ever see.
His beard was yellow from greasy fat, running down over his bare stomach.
With every step he made, snow and grease covered the rock.
“HO HO HO!” He yelled again, looking down onto their frightened faces.
“Might I ask, good chaps, why you lot have come to this place?”
He asked in the most horrible British accent you can possibly imagine.
After hearing his accent, they tried very hard not to grin.
“Well… we are not sure, but I think it is the Christmas spirit that brought us here.”
Replied the Dutch guy. “To do noble deeds, be good people, and spread the cheer.”
“HO HO HOOO!” Said the huge fat guy, and he started to laugh.
“There is no holiday cheer in this place, you lot are daft!”
The nine looked around them, and indeed, this poor excuse for a Santa was right.
There was nothing in the cave that had anything to do with Christmas night.
Behind Santa lay an enormous pile of coal, hardly any fun.
And to his side was the biggest furnace you ever set your eyes upon.
Behind our friends lay the greasy, bloody, pile of body parts I have already described.
And the cave was dark, lit by very meager candle-light.
“Aha! But there is yet something to do with Christmas in this abyss!”
Yelled the Mexican girl, her fear turned to happy bliss.
“The candles that light this place up, they are Christmassy red!”
“But of course, dear lady, they are made from human body fat!”
Replied the enormous giant of a man with a serious tone.
This eye-opener made the company feel terribly cold and alone.
“Aha! But what about those bags of coal, they are part of Christmas, luv!”
Said the Dutch girl with a little dance, she could never dance enough.
“Those bags of coal, dear girl, I use to heat up the furnace pyre.
When you eat as much as I do, you need a lot of coal for the fire.”
They didn’t know what to say now, they all stood perplexed.
If this is what Christmas is about, what’s next?
There was yet one guy who had a question left for him.
“If you need so much coal, then why do you leave it for the bad children?”
To this, the big fat Santa had to think for a little while longer.
And the group started to feel a little bit stronger.
“Because if I didn’t, I’d be nothing but a common thief!
Stealing children away and not leaving a trace of my mischief?
Oh no, I am a very classy man, dear little chaps.
And now the time has come to eat your sweet ass!”
The beast of a man stumbled towards them with dangerous speed.
The whole cave shook heavily, here, their end they would meet.
Just as that big Santa fell forward to crush our poor group of nine.
They woke up… and started speaking in rhyme:
“My dear friends, I love you, I’m glad that wasn’t real.”
The Mexican girl did squeal.
“But how is it possible that all of us dreamed it simultaneously?”
Exclaimed the Italian guy. “That doesn’t make sense to me!”
And the Greek girl added; “What does it matter, it happened, it’s true!”
Then the Dutch girl replied. “I’m never again doing drugs together with you!”
To which the Dutch guy frowned and his gaze did meet.
A plastic bag that was lying at his feet.
The Moldovan girl opened it and then looked inside.
“Guys, we might have had a trip that was not really right.”
To which the Venezuelan snatched the bag out of her hold.
“What did we take?! Curse us tenfold!"
All the while, the French guy was still in his hallucinatory dream.
“Cheese! Don’t take the cheese!” He did scream.
Let this be a lesson, for all the young’uns on earth.
Please don’t do drugs kids, it’s harmful, it hurts!
So when you feel jolly, and it’s already getting quite late.
Please, at least during Christmas, never eat mushrooms with your mates.
After hearing his accent, they tried very hard not to grin.
“Well… we are not sure, but I think it is the Christmas spirit that brought us here.”
Replied the Dutch guy. “To do noble deeds, be good people, and spread the cheer.”
“HO HO HOOO!” Said the huge fat guy, and he started to laugh.
“There is no holiday cheer in this place, you lot are daft!”
The nine looked around them, and indeed, this poor excuse for a Santa was right.
There was nothing in the cave that had anything to do with Christmas night.
Behind Santa lay an enormous pile of coal, hardly any fun.
And to his side was the biggest furnace you ever set your eyes upon.
Behind our friends lay the greasy, bloody, pile of body parts I have already described.
And the cave was dark, lit by very meager candle-light.
“Aha! But there is yet something to do with Christmas in this abyss!”
Yelled the Mexican girl, her fear turned to happy bliss.
“The candles that light this place up, they are Christmassy red!”
“But of course, dear lady, they are made from human body fat!”
Replied the enormous giant of a man with a serious tone.
This eye-opener made the company feel terribly cold and alone.
“Aha! But what about those bags of coal, they are part of Christmas, luv!”
Said the Dutch girl with a little dance, she could never dance enough.
“Those bags of coal, dear girl, I use to heat up the furnace pyre.
When you eat as much as I do, you need a lot of coal for the fire.”
They didn’t know what to say now, they all stood perplexed.
If this is what Christmas is about, what’s next?
There was yet one guy who had a question left for him.
“If you need so much coal, then why do you leave it for the bad children?”
To this, the big fat Santa had to think for a little while longer.
And the group started to feel a little bit stronger.
“Because if I didn’t, I’d be nothing but a common thief!
Stealing children away and not leaving a trace of my mischief?
Oh no, I am a very classy man, dear little chaps.
And now the time has come to eat your sweet ass!”
The beast of a man stumbled towards them with dangerous speed.
The whole cave shook heavily, here, their end they would meet.
Just as that big Santa fell forward to crush our poor group of nine.
They woke up… and started speaking in rhyme:
“My dear friends, I love you, I’m glad that wasn’t real.”
The Mexican girl did squeal.
“But how is it possible that all of us dreamed it simultaneously?”
Exclaimed the Italian guy. “That doesn’t make sense to me!”
And the Greek girl added; “What does it matter, it happened, it’s true!”
Then the Dutch girl replied. “I’m never again doing drugs together with you!”
To which the Dutch guy frowned and his gaze did meet.
A plastic bag that was lying at his feet.
The Moldovan girl opened it and then looked inside.
“Guys, we might have had a trip that was not really right.”
To which the Venezuelan snatched the bag out of her hold.
“What did we take?! Curse us tenfold!"
All the while, the French guy was still in his hallucinatory dream.
“Cheese! Don’t take the cheese!” He did scream.
Let this be a lesson, for all the young’uns on earth.
Please don’t do drugs kids, it’s harmful, it hurts!
So when you feel jolly, and it’s already getting quite late.
Please, at least during Christmas, never eat mushrooms with your mates.