Medieval & Fantasy Minecraft Roleplaying

Greetings Explorer, Navigate into the Lobby!

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Be sure to "Get Whitelisted" to join the community on server!

marcecelestin application [Denied - Snerus]

Marcex

Villager

About You!

1. What is your Minecraft username?
MarceCelestin
2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Tome of Citizenship, Official Lore, and the Survival Guides yet?
yes
5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is basically scheming an opponent and studying their movement and patterns and using those newfound tactics you learned from them to utterly destroy them.Powergaming is basically if i control the flow of everything, say if i slash a character and said the were dead, then that would be powergaming, another example is making my character god.
6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
i haven't found the site to read on this topic, but im gonna generally assume that you do not.

7. Name one of our current Mentors.
archbishop, Ced, and Lady alec
8. Tell us about yourself!
i am a heavy gamer/programmer. i love playing open world settings games like skyrim or other mmo games such as blade n soul and black desert online. I love playing these games because i love the idea of creating a whole new life and enhancing that life in a long process through many obstacles. I can be seen as a philospher. Speaking of gaming, to me that is what life is, its a alternate game where you start off at level 1 and have to adjust your play tactics as you level and through multiple updates of our world.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
i make a few of digital artworks but that was mostly sigs and banners for forums when they were really popular a few years ago.

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
i played a mc server with the brewery plugin a while back, but could never fully experience as some of the stuff was blocked on the plugin, so i wanted to find another server that had it, and as i was scrolling through different servers i came across this one, started it and saw that it asked me do i accept the quest, and that is when i decided i would try it out.
About Your Character!
Character Name

Creasion Etherion

Character Age
18

Character Race
Human


Appearance

Gender: Male
Height: 5'7
Weight: 138 lbs.
Build: He has a lean muscle build
Eyes: Light blue
Hair: Light blue, it is rather long so he is often confused as a girl.


Written Test!

The story begins with two mages named Elizabeth and Ros Etherion. They both were descendants of their clan and were fated to be together, they even bore a child. They were part of a mage guild that battled against an evil mage guild called Animosity, whose goal was to create an elixir of revival, however to create said elixir, it required the life of five souls. This is the tale of the tragic end of the two mages.

A child cries could be heard in the distance

Elizabeth: Ros go check on Creasion and make sure hes okay.

Ros: sure, sure.

Ros had went into the room that Creasion was in.

Creasion: PAPA!, it was scary, you and mama both left without me and I became trapped in this very dark place, it was lonely.

Ros: there, there, you’d probably just had a nightmare lil guy. Me and your mom would never leave you, your our everything, our whole world.

Another mage could be seen appearing within their house, (signs he had used teleportation magic was still lingering in the air).

Elizabeth: Hello there, Edward, what troubles bring you to our home?

Edward: Commander, the higher ups said that you are needed on the front lines of the current battle against Animosity.

Elizabeth: We’ll be there within a few minutes, tell everyone to hold out until then. Edward: as you wish.

The soldier known as Edward disappeared into the air, as this had happened, Elizabeth started to put on her mage robe and grabbed her staff.

Ros: they need us in the fight?
Elizabeth: indeed, I just hope we can get someone to look after Creasion while were gone.

Ros: don’t worry, I can get my brother to watch him for us, besides it won’t be that long before we make it back.

Elizabeth: I hope your right, alright then lets go

Ros had pulled out a stone and threw it to the ground, from the shattered rocks you could see a figure slowly becoming visible.

Killu: I thought I told you to use that for emergency

Ros: This is an emergency, we need you to look after Creasion while we go to help those out on the battlefield.

Killu sighed

Killu: guess it can’t be helped, just give em hell for me

Kill smiled as he held out his fist

Ros: you know it

They both’d smiled as they bumped fist together. Ros and Elizabeth walked out the door moving towards the battle.

-2 hours later-

The battle between Ros and Elizabeth guild and the dark mage guild was fierce and did not look like it was going to end anytime soon.

Elizabeth: Keep at it, don’t give them a chance to attack back Ros: I got this

As he said this, Ros began summoning all of his mana before unleashing a roaring fire dragon to swoop in and creating a huge explosion. A big cloud of smoke covered the area.

Ros: did I get em?
As the smoke was clearing, you could see the dark guild mages retreating into the background Elizabeth: you did it dear, that must’ve cost you all your mana, didn’t it?
Ros: hehe yea, but something’s bugging me.
Elizabeth: what is wrong?

Ros: why did they retreat, I used my sensory magic and I could detect a huge amount of enemies in the distance as reinforcements. So the question is what’s their game.

Elizabeth: you might be right, this did seem like it ended too easy than normal, normally they’d put up a longer fight.

A soldier appeared in front of the two.

Soldier: Commanders we’ve gotten a message from the caretaker of your house, I’m afraid that he is dead.

Ros: WHAT?!

Soldier: and that is not all before his ding breath, he said that men in purple golden robes had taken your son to the mountain cavern not too far from here.

Elizabeth: it must’ve been the dark guild; we must go save him quickly.

Ros: I’m with you on that, however its just me and you, everyone else is too injured to even move a muscle right now

Elizabeth: indeed

The two made their way for the mountain caverns and made it inside, their they discovered their child as well as four other children. They were baffled at the sight of the children chained up and beaten with blood flowing down their faces. You could see a group of mages in purple and golden robes surrounded in a circle with a glowing light chanting.

Elizabeth: what have you monsters done to our child

Dark mage: we’ve prepared your son and the other children as sacrifices for the elixir, don’t worry, once we drained their body of their souls and their just husks, you can have em back.

Ros: you act as if were going to let you do that, Eli you get the children, ill disrupt their spell. Elizabeth: got it!

The two made their move, while Elizabeth broke the chains that confided the children and brought them down to safety, Ros killed two mages and retreated beside Elizabeth.

Ros: how you going to make the elixir without your mages. Dark mage: you insolent bastard, we’ll kill you all

As the dark mage said this, he and the remaining mages put together their mana and shot a spell that created more than 100 red cursed arrows at the children and mages.

As this had happened Ros and Elizabeth had combined their mana to create a barrier spell, however the barrier had broken and the arrows had hit the four other children and sliced Creasion across the chest.

Creasion: AHHH!!

Ros: Shit

Creasion bursted out crying

Creasion: IT HURTS! IT HURTS!

Dark mage: HAHA, four dead, now just you three, any last pleads for your life?

Elizabeth: you fools, you dare hurt our child

Elizabeth and Ros held out their hands creating a swirling form of condense magic

Ros: This is from us to you

They fired the condense magic at the group of mages killing all of them in one blow. As they did this, they both fell to the ground

Creasion: MAMA, PAPA
As the small boy ran down to his parents, the building started to collapse

Ros: looks like this place was held together by those bastard’s magic, looks like since we killed em the place is starting to crumble

Elizabeth: yea and after that attack, neither of us have anymore mana to even move our body

They both looked at Creasion with a smile on their face. They both put one finger on each of his cheeks and had magic on the tip of their finger.

Ros: Creasion, we both love you so much
Elizabeth: but it doesn’t look like we’ll make it out of here, so we want you to run okay Creasion began crying with tears pouring out of his eyes

Ros: don’t cry, its going to be alright, become the strongest you can be and don’t worry mama and me are going to leave you something to remember us by.

Elizabeth: This mark we are about to give you, is the mark that our clan known as Etherion, greatest warriors have had throughout centuries, however since you are the last descendant it is up to you to carry the weight of the clan on your shoulders.

Ros: be strong son, stronger than we both were, learn not just magic, but also ways of the sword that way no one will ever beat you

Ros&Elizabeth: We will always be with you

As they both slid their fingers across his cheek creating a light blue mark on both sides of his face, rocks began to fall.

Ros&Elizabeth: NOW RUN!

Creasion got up and ran as fast as he could. After several minutes passed, he was able to make it out of the cavern. Creasion dropped to his knees and cried for as long as hours that night as if he was an endless fountain of tears.

This is the tragic tale of the two mages, however this is when a new tale begins
The tale of the boy, who now became a man and is ready to fulfill his dying parent’s wish -13 years later-
Creasion: Ahhhh, boats done and I’ve finally gotten enough supplies to last me the trip.

After the collapse of the cavern and Creasion finally had gotten ahold over himself, he realized that he could not leave the island that the mountain was on. The mages had gotten there through their levitation magic; however, he did not know of any magic. So he had to build a boat overtime while also surviving by killing and eating the wild life there. Doing this, had given him a good lean muscle look. With also a closed scar of when he was shot with the arrow spell as well as the two engraved markings on his face that his parents had left him. Realizing his clothes were too small for his current grown body, he was able to find new clothes from a crate that washed up on the island after a few years. Creasion stood on his boat, ready for his departure.

Creasion: this island is the end of everything, but also the beginning, I feel saddened just parting with it, however I have a dream to fulfill.

With this, Creasion had set-in sail.

-few months later-

Creasion had stopped along the port of a city and got off his boat, he saw a man there with a sword and looked as if he was a guard of some sort.

Creasion: excuse me sir, what country am I in?
The soldier looked at Creasion with a weird expression
Soldier: Well son, this Country your in, is known as Altera
Creasion look around with a surprised expression on his face, and then he smiled Creasion: Altera huh
He said this as he laughed with a big smile
Thus begins the new tale of the man with a purpose named
Creasion Etherion
 

Attachments

Last edited:

Snerus

I didn't do it for the 'Gram, I did it for Gotham
Before evaluation of your application can begin, I'd like to request it's posted on the actual post, instead of attached at a PDF file.

Thanks.
 

Snerus

I didn't do it for the 'Gram, I did it for Gotham
After making a full evaluation of your application submission, I regret to inform you that your application will be denied, as I've encountered a large number of inconsistencies and errors within it.

I'll address your test first, as that's the most pressing part of the evaluation.

It's clear to me that you did not read about the server setting or its lore when you wrote your test. Furthermore, you seem to have only glanced over the whitelist guide when you wrote this test, but have seemingly overlooked some of this server's core rules.

Magic of any sort is prohibited from player backstory submissions. Levitation powers, mage guilds, arcane elixirs and anything else of the sort is not allowed to appear in your backstory. You are applying for a Low Fantasy Server, rather than a High Fantasy one.

Secondly, the test is far too rife with tropes and generic cliches for us, as well. This test is supposed to outline the virtues of your character, including what makes them unique, interesting and appealing to this server. We don't expect you to remove all traces of cliche and character trope from your backstory, only that you offer us something more than a character who is entirely a trope. Perhaps try to cut down on the dead parents and child sacrifice thing, in the future.

Third has to do with the formatting and presentation of your test. I acknowledge that we're a Minecraft Roleplaying server, but I'd request that you didn't write your entire narrative in the format of a script. On Hollowworld, we expect our memberbase to have the capacity to do more than simply write dialogue between characters. Presentation of the test in the form of a paragraphed story, for instance, would be far easier to evaluate than a movie script.

There are also some grammatical issues with your test. I'd recommend a proofread before submission, and I'll remind you that Microsoft Word's grammar checks don't get every nasty piece of punctuation that slips by.

I'd also like to note, with the rest of your application, that your definition of metagaming is unfortunately false, and that the powergaming definition had ought to be revised. You can find guides on this website to help you with that, and unfortunately, the people you listed in question 7 are staff members, not mentors.

I know this seems like a lot, but trust me - I'm a wordy guy. I feel it's better to be precise with an evaluation rather than skimping over the details.

You're free, of course, to reapply again, but there are other Minecraft RP servers that would probably suit your tastes better than this one, both in theme and style of RP.

Thank you so much for your interest, and Good Luck.
 
Top