Naelwyn
Non sum qualis eram
I was asked to resign from the staff because me and Somnastra have come to conflict in the past, and it is her decision that we ultimately don't work well together. As I feel that kind of statement permanently jeopardizes a working relationship, I see no need to contest it, nor do I really think I could.
I originally offered to stay on until I had finished structuring events and had a campaign set up, and we both agreed on this, as an earlier resignation could cause further problems, further delay events, and take from them some of my organizing talents, as well as further stretch staff out.
Som has asked me instead to move up the timetable as such.
I don't intend to go anywhere right now, but this feels like a very dissatisfying end to... what is it? Three years being a staff member?
To be completely honest, for a long period of time, long, long before we get to this point, before Som even came back to the server, my membership on the staff team has been one of obligation and responsibility. I saw things that weren't being done, that needed to be done, and did them. They were often things I didn't much enjoy, especially when they often caused me to be the target of ire for many in the community.
In the end, I am very satisfied with where I was able to take lore in terms of consistency and setting. In the end I am very disappointed that I never got into the second phase of my lore plans, where the magic came back, only now it all flowed together thoroughly, and the setting made sense.
Despite how it seems to have gone very medieval, the elementals, the gods, the magic, and a lot of stuff in the backmatter was primed to take the setting into the realm of consistent fantasy, the kind that lasts. My inspirations were rooted in the deep settings of the likes of Tolkien and Yudkowsky.
I consider my greatest failing to be the specific implementation of the magic system. If I had the chance to go back and do it again, I'd not have arranged it the way I did. I had the assistance of several exceptional people in making each school, and the error was mine in not establishing a more common 'First steps' or common apprenticeship followed by later specialization.
I have provided all the benefits of my hindsight to the new efforts, and the team willing, may still potentially be able to assist further with the development of the new magic system.
My second regret is a much larger mixed bag. It reached all the way back to this moment Cherbert decided to mass-demote all the staff, then selectively bring people back, then this horrendous, unconcionable, and based entirely on heresay, inquisitorial rip on Mich. I say this with confidence, having long investigated it to my satisfaction.
Subsequent fallout of that and other decisions at the time resulted in the server being transferred over to Somnastra, the newest, and final, member of the Management team.
Interpersonal issues related to work arose from that moment on, that we never truely managed to fully address. I consider this to be eminently regrettable. I used to be good friends with Somnastra. I don't feel like that's the case as much anymore. Hopefully, that changes, now that the professional part has concluded. I think however, that it's probably something that will not end up taking place while I remain on Hollowworld. I've never taken being a subordinate very well, when it comes to people I'm friends with. That's not really a good trait, but it's a pretty locked-in part of who I am, and I can't exactly change it.
From this point on, I found it much harder to remain motivated as a staff member. I had several event campaigns primed at the time, one to explore the Origins of the Greylings by traversing the depths of the Fingernail, something I had ready from the dawn of the new map, I can freely spoil, the ability to execute on it long being passed.
Another was a campaign to reveal the depths of reasons why we don't have Airships anymore. A third was a new continent and new race project, designed to solicit public submissions, and a fourth involved the sea of storms.
All this momentum came crashing to a halt, and over time I felt less and less connected with the server, and was persuaded over time to eventually hand over things I felt responsible for. I don't regret giving up events to Mich. I have lingering regrets about being talked into giving up being the Loremaster.
Over time, the initial problems in the working relationship, caused by the abrupt transition and my profound crisis of faith in my position directing the vision, led to distrust and toxicity between myself and Somnastra. I honestly and truely wish it didn't. I think she's a pretty decent person, but in the end, I don't think we were meant to work together. If I had been more trusting, more forgiving, less harsh, and more amiable, perhaps we could have reconciled completely and utterly. We came close. But there's always been this little crack, that eventually just grew and grew.
I first became a moderator, not by choice, but by surprise.
I later became an administrator, and then part of manageemnt, again, by surprise, because I was one of the responsible people on the server. I've been derelict in that, but a huge part of me felt like, well, it wasn't really my responsibility any more.
What precipitated this request for me to resign is one of those simpler things, a straw that broke the camel's back. I was spitballing ideas with staff about a polearm I (Player-me, not character me) invented, pondering about including it in Altera. A miscommunication brought about by tiredness ensued, and I felt rather affronted by Somnastra, and asked that she apologise tomorrow, when she wasn't as tired.
At that point in time, I had just finished arranging all my new event structural material, and was getting set to post it. I decided to wait, and see if I actually got an apology, because I thought to myself, 'There is no way I'm going to bust myself up dredging events up from the brink if this is how I'm going to be treated.'
If we still had proper communication, this kind of thing wouldn't have happened in the first place.
Somnastra, on eventually finding this was the reason for my week's delay, decided to pull the trigger on this resignation. It's obvious to both of us that the work relationship has completely broken down. Somnastra needs to have trust in those she's working with that they will bring problems to their attention, and I need to feel like I can, and I don't get that anymore.
I consider her judgement to be a valid one, and I'm not contesting the request. In the end, I don't want to be doing this anymore, and I'm tired.
The original plan was for me to finish writing up a full structure for the Events section, finish recruiting and training an event team, and then to hand the reins over to one of the people we had so trained, while at the same time, arranging a campaign for the introduction of magic
As per our talk the current evening, she has decided that it may be better to pull the plug here. I have approximately half the events organizational structure typed up and ready to post, the remaining 50% in draft. Whether or not she wants me to post it, or whether the person taking over events subsequently chooses to use any of it, isn't for me really to say.
I would /hope/ they do, since I got put onto this priority job in the first place because i was competent for it, but it's not up to me, fixing anything isn't up to me, and arguing over vision isn't up to me, and in a way, that's kind of a relief.
In the first time for several /years/ I am free of feeling any responsibility to the betterment and health of the server and it is a nice feeling to have. I still can, but if I do, I do it on my terms.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An addendum, commander:
Per my longstanding oaths, requested promises on becoming a staff member, I am thence unbound:
1) That I would not PvP. I was frighteningly maxed out mcmmo stats, and they didn't want a repeat of staff cheating accusations caused by Bellon.
2) That I would not form any cartels. (In jest, but I still kept to it.)
3) That I would not, quote, "Muck with the economy in any way I can or cannot forsee"
4) That I would remain politically neutral and subtle in any ways I interacted with politics
I originally offered to stay on until I had finished structuring events and had a campaign set up, and we both agreed on this, as an earlier resignation could cause further problems, further delay events, and take from them some of my organizing talents, as well as further stretch staff out.
Som has asked me instead to move up the timetable as such.
I don't intend to go anywhere right now, but this feels like a very dissatisfying end to... what is it? Three years being a staff member?
To be completely honest, for a long period of time, long, long before we get to this point, before Som even came back to the server, my membership on the staff team has been one of obligation and responsibility. I saw things that weren't being done, that needed to be done, and did them. They were often things I didn't much enjoy, especially when they often caused me to be the target of ire for many in the community.
In the end, I am very satisfied with where I was able to take lore in terms of consistency and setting. In the end I am very disappointed that I never got into the second phase of my lore plans, where the magic came back, only now it all flowed together thoroughly, and the setting made sense.
Despite how it seems to have gone very medieval, the elementals, the gods, the magic, and a lot of stuff in the backmatter was primed to take the setting into the realm of consistent fantasy, the kind that lasts. My inspirations were rooted in the deep settings of the likes of Tolkien and Yudkowsky.
I consider my greatest failing to be the specific implementation of the magic system. If I had the chance to go back and do it again, I'd not have arranged it the way I did. I had the assistance of several exceptional people in making each school, and the error was mine in not establishing a more common 'First steps' or common apprenticeship followed by later specialization.
I have provided all the benefits of my hindsight to the new efforts, and the team willing, may still potentially be able to assist further with the development of the new magic system.
My second regret is a much larger mixed bag. It reached all the way back to this moment Cherbert decided to mass-demote all the staff, then selectively bring people back, then this horrendous, unconcionable, and based entirely on heresay, inquisitorial rip on Mich. I say this with confidence, having long investigated it to my satisfaction.
Subsequent fallout of that and other decisions at the time resulted in the server being transferred over to Somnastra, the newest, and final, member of the Management team.
Interpersonal issues related to work arose from that moment on, that we never truely managed to fully address. I consider this to be eminently regrettable. I used to be good friends with Somnastra. I don't feel like that's the case as much anymore. Hopefully, that changes, now that the professional part has concluded. I think however, that it's probably something that will not end up taking place while I remain on Hollowworld. I've never taken being a subordinate very well, when it comes to people I'm friends with. That's not really a good trait, but it's a pretty locked-in part of who I am, and I can't exactly change it.
From this point on, I found it much harder to remain motivated as a staff member. I had several event campaigns primed at the time, one to explore the Origins of the Greylings by traversing the depths of the Fingernail, something I had ready from the dawn of the new map, I can freely spoil, the ability to execute on it long being passed.
Another was a campaign to reveal the depths of reasons why we don't have Airships anymore. A third was a new continent and new race project, designed to solicit public submissions, and a fourth involved the sea of storms.
All this momentum came crashing to a halt, and over time I felt less and less connected with the server, and was persuaded over time to eventually hand over things I felt responsible for. I don't regret giving up events to Mich. I have lingering regrets about being talked into giving up being the Loremaster.
Over time, the initial problems in the working relationship, caused by the abrupt transition and my profound crisis of faith in my position directing the vision, led to distrust and toxicity between myself and Somnastra. I honestly and truely wish it didn't. I think she's a pretty decent person, but in the end, I don't think we were meant to work together. If I had been more trusting, more forgiving, less harsh, and more amiable, perhaps we could have reconciled completely and utterly. We came close. But there's always been this little crack, that eventually just grew and grew.
I first became a moderator, not by choice, but by surprise.
I later became an administrator, and then part of manageemnt, again, by surprise, because I was one of the responsible people on the server. I've been derelict in that, but a huge part of me felt like, well, it wasn't really my responsibility any more.
What precipitated this request for me to resign is one of those simpler things, a straw that broke the camel's back. I was spitballing ideas with staff about a polearm I (Player-me, not character me) invented, pondering about including it in Altera. A miscommunication brought about by tiredness ensued, and I felt rather affronted by Somnastra, and asked that she apologise tomorrow, when she wasn't as tired.
At that point in time, I had just finished arranging all my new event structural material, and was getting set to post it. I decided to wait, and see if I actually got an apology, because I thought to myself, 'There is no way I'm going to bust myself up dredging events up from the brink if this is how I'm going to be treated.'
If we still had proper communication, this kind of thing wouldn't have happened in the first place.
Somnastra, on eventually finding this was the reason for my week's delay, decided to pull the trigger on this resignation. It's obvious to both of us that the work relationship has completely broken down. Somnastra needs to have trust in those she's working with that they will bring problems to their attention, and I need to feel like I can, and I don't get that anymore.
I consider her judgement to be a valid one, and I'm not contesting the request. In the end, I don't want to be doing this anymore, and I'm tired.
The original plan was for me to finish writing up a full structure for the Events section, finish recruiting and training an event team, and then to hand the reins over to one of the people we had so trained, while at the same time, arranging a campaign for the introduction of magic
As per our talk the current evening, she has decided that it may be better to pull the plug here. I have approximately half the events organizational structure typed up and ready to post, the remaining 50% in draft. Whether or not she wants me to post it, or whether the person taking over events subsequently chooses to use any of it, isn't for me really to say.
I would /hope/ they do, since I got put onto this priority job in the first place because i was competent for it, but it's not up to me, fixing anything isn't up to me, and arguing over vision isn't up to me, and in a way, that's kind of a relief.
In the first time for several /years/ I am free of feeling any responsibility to the betterment and health of the server and it is a nice feeling to have. I still can, but if I do, I do it on my terms.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An addendum, commander:
Per my longstanding oaths, requested promises on becoming a staff member, I am thence unbound:
1) That I would not PvP. I was frighteningly maxed out mcmmo stats, and they didn't want a repeat of staff cheating accusations caused by Bellon.
2) That I would not form any cartels. (In jest, but I still kept to it.)
3) That I would not, quote, "Muck with the economy in any way I can or cannot forsee"
4) That I would remain politically neutral and subtle in any ways I interacted with politics
