THOUGHTKILLER

[Scardrac]

Okay, so back around the beginning of the second semester of high-school, I went through this weird phase of varying nihilism and psychedelic mental predictions of an existential meaning of life, but I promise I was healthy and okay, it was just a weird phase. In that time, I decided to write something in the format of a journal entry, which had no sense of direction and ended prematurely due to the lack of motivation to end something. However, it also might be because I am no longer experiencing that "phase" as strongly as I did then, so I feel as if it should have ended when I was passionate about it. Perchance, if I were to experience some sort of emotional phase like that again, I may finish it. Anyways, here we go: (Also, I am sorry if this gives off some sort of pretentious teenage angst machine vibe, I am sorry, I just want to archive my literary progress down so I have something to think on in the future. Thanks for paying attention to my horrible literature!)

It is of an epic mental schism that I derive from. Born of self awareness, conscious conflict, and primarily from the desire to ascend. For years at a time I developed, hopping from view to view, rising and falling. My emotions are mundane and my mundane mind realizes this. However, in spite of my earthly binds, I still try and gaze above and below my crunching mind, even though I try and be above the feelings it gives me. I feel as if my cognitive eye sees across light years, learning and observing and controlling my mind as I see this existence for what it is for me.

This life I have commenced is no more or less important than another. It is within the human limitations to know that we are not the limit of success, of knowledge, or of possibility. It is a staggering thought to understand the fact that we don’t understand it all. We are at the epicenter of existence. We know naught about the limits of possibility, nor how it all began. However, I strive to slake the thirst for knowledge and understanding. My mind is corrupted by the jealousy of those things that have or have not lived before, or after me.

As for myself, I do not care. I am both below and above myself. A marionette with static limbs. I am bound to my feelings, yet I can gaze over them without a bias as an anchor. I observe myself as I change, as I love, as I hate, and as I learn. I am my own student and my own teacher. At times it feels like prison, this cognitive limit.

Nevertheless, I know that if I were to break past this knowledge barrier and learn all that is to learn of existence, I would not have that ecstatic feeling that there is, in fact, much more to learn. It is a tradeoff. I feel at home with myself, however I know that my home is but a dynamic thread in a quilt-like system that makes it all up. What might be at fault for creating this? What might be observing us as everything tries to understand itself? It is a paradoxical strife. One that I know I shan’t ever find an end to. Even if I want to. Or I don’t.

I know that the pursuit of knowledge is another example of a paradox. I wish to know more about what I am. Although, what I am is everything. Everything is me, and everyone is part of it. The knowledge of all is within us all, but buried deep. We shall not ever know, but if we shall, we should be opening up Pandora’s Box. For as far as the boundaries of existence go, we are still part of it all. There is no center, and there is no orbit. A single worm in the dirts of Mundus are just as complex as gas giants and life forms star systems and star systems abroad. For all that existence offers is one part. We are a dynamic puddle, and all that happens in one side of it all, happens in another. A union reality. We are everything, and everything is us.

These thoughts are my own. The ones that keep me up, and the ones that get me lost in wondrous limbo. I wonder if people see the same, and I wonder if I am the only one. This is the illusion of importance that haunts me. I am no better than another of my people, but I feel prioritized by existence to bear its knowledge. I desire a complete separation from the mundane. I wish to ascend, to hold knowledge as if a god, but to be unseen and to be unknown. I covet the status of omniscience, but I loathe myself for being unable to be just that.

For now, I am stuck with these natural restrictions of frayed emotions and overwhelming instincts. It feels like iron chains embedded and entwined through and around my body, restricting everything to a certain field of movement. I cannot control my mind, but I can observe it and understand it from a separate perspective.

 

[Jesseygirl:D]

Hi so sorry to pop into your forum uninvited but I had a similar thought recently and wanted to know your thoughts on it!

Through out all of human history. Since when we were living in caves to now living in skyscrapers. Humans have Always been at war. Over resources, religions and ideologies; However, what makes this remarkable is how carelessly we throw away human lives. In your post you mentioned "This life I have commenced is no more or less important than another." I'v always wondered what made humans think this way? In hollywood movies the author who wrote the script depicts scenes of "honorable sacrifice" of human lives. In real life in wars there are stories of fellow soldiers diving on grenades to save his comrades. Of soldiers charging unbreakable lines and of soldiers calling down airstrikes on their on position just to take a few more human lives with them. Now while I won't get into the morals of warfare I had this thought from out of no where and seeing your post brought it back up.

If there was an apocalyptic threat to Earth such a threat that humans would forget our differences and join together. What would we sacrifice to win? You may think we would only use what we have to use to win but let me point to WWII in America, Britain, Germany and Russia (The others of course but for time sake I'm keeping it to those four). Those "big four" started drafts to throw humans at each other. What interests me is not only the drafts but the people who eagerly volunteered with those two in mind you start to see the picture. Humans have this mind set of self sacrifice for the greater good regardless of what you might personally think. We praise hero's and spit at cowards. So with those thoughts in mind lets turn back to the apocalyptic threat. What do YOU think humanity as a whole would sacrifice? Do you think humans as a whole would throw everything we had at them? The elderly? (Look at Japan when their reactors went down. Elderly people volunteered to go in first to save others) The women? (Look at the women who went in disguise in WWII and modern day women in warfare.) The Children? (Look at Africa/south america/the american civil war)

I personally think that humans on a whole are suicidal when it comes to warfare. I honestly think we will exhaust everything we have, and if the threat still looms over our heads after we have thrown everything we had. I honestly think the last humans on earth would use nuclear weapons just to spite the threat. I think we would rather destroy our world rather then let another take it from us. I think we would go down in a blaze of glory the barrel of a gun smoking. But that's just me!

Now on the other side humans are AMAZING at surviving what ever earth and other humans throw at us. But the point of the wall of text above (sorry btw) is that there would be no humans left we would /know/ we would go extinct anyways. So yea! Just a thought!

 

[Scardrac]

Hi so sorry to pop into your forum uninvited but I had a similar thought recently and wanted to know your thoughts on it!

Through out all of human history. Since when we were living in caves to now living in skyscrapers. Humans have Always been at war. Over resources, religions and ideologies; However, what makes this remarkable is how carelessly we throw away human lives. In your post you mentioned "This life I have commenced is no more or less important than another." I'v always wondered what made humans think this way? In hollywood movies the author who wrote the script depicts scenes of "honorable sacrifice" of human lives. In real life in wars there are stories of fellow soldiers diving on grenades to save his comrades. Of soldiers charging unbreakable lines and of soldiers calling down airstrikes on their on position just to take a few more human lives with them. Now while I won't get into the morals of warfare I had this thought from out of no where and seeing your post brought it back up.

If there was an apocalyptic threat to Earth such a threat that humans would forget our differences and join together. What would we sacrifice to win? You may think we would only use what we have to use to win but let me point to WWII in America, Britain, Germany and Russia (The others of course but for time sake I'm keeping it to those four). Those "big four" started drafts to throw humans at each other. What interests me is not only the drafts but the people who eagerly volunteered with those two in mind you start to see the picture. Humans have this mind set of self sacrifice for the greater good regardless of what you might personally think. We praise hero's and spit at cowards. So with those thoughts in mind lets turn back to the apocalyptic threat. What do YOU think humanity as a whole would sacrifice? Do you think humans as a whole would throw everything we had at them? The elderly? (Look at Japan when their reactors went down. Elderly people volunteered to go in first to save others) The women? (Look at the women who went in disguise in WWII and modern day women in warfare.) The Children? (Look at Africa/south america/the american civil war)

I personally think that humans on a whole are suicidal when it comes to warfare. I honestly think we will exhaust everything we have, and if the threat still looms over our heads after we have thrown everything we had. I honestly think the last humans on earth would use nuclear weapons just to spite the threat. I think we would rather destroy our world rather then let another take it from us. I think we would go down in a blaze of glory the barrel of a gun smoking. But that's just me!

Now on the other side humans are AMAZING at surviving what ever earth and other humans throw at us. But the point of the wall of text above (sorry btw) is that there would be no humans left we would /know/ we would go extinct anyways. So yea! Just a thought!

Hi,

I am writing this from my phone, please excuse poor formatting. My old THOUGHTKILLER prose was essentially a method of me being a very edgy pseudo-thinker. I look back on my own thoughts then and I shudder at the very words I used. However, don't let that discourage your own process of thought. The point of THOUGHTKILLER was to manifest my thoughts into a piece of literature, however the motivation was to sound smart. With that out of the way, let me say that my mind still thinks the way it did back then, I still have the same opinions, but I can pretty much sum it up in the third of the letter count of THOUGHTKILLER. Coming back to this was a bittersweet trip of nostalgia.

To get to your point, I want to essentially sum it up into a short version. Humans have always been divided from the founding of a structural being. War is as primal as the senses. Let's call war "conflict" for ease of politics. War is defined by precise rules, however conflict is a more general term. I did a little bit of research and found an article that springs my own thoughts: http://www.livescience.com/5333-evolution-human-aggression.html

This is, of course, subjective to interpretation, as it mentions evolution as a primary factor in why humans are the way they are in terms of conflict and hate. I chose that article because that is what I will choose to believe. Hate and conflict derive from our own evolution of biology and social capability. Social progression has led us to have a very off-balance version of territorial instinct, which had developed over many, many years of being an intelligent species. We glorify those who sacrifice because we only care about those within our circle, family/country/etc. The nobility and glorification of risk is because we are inherently selfish as a species. We want to live and prosper and the most selfless thing someone can do is give that up so that one person (or many) can have that life and prosperity. Because we want it and we don't want to have to work for it.

These are my beliefs and I don't wish to discourage others opinions and this shouldn't do that. However, it is impossible to be a peaceful species so long as there are so many of us divided. The only way that actual global peace would come is if there is only one population of people exactly the same in terms of quality of life and belief status. The people who have attempted this, however, are the most evil of people in the history of mankind. Because we want to be the ones to live and prosper. See where it ties together? Now of course I am not agreeing with the acts of those people. I am not saying it's right. We've just dug a hole too deep to climb out of if our goal as a race is to be entirely peaceful.

Here have a song: