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[Ch. Journal] The Ramblings of a Ginger

Mudpaw11

Lord of Altera
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[All Credit to I am Wake for inspiration. I needed some writing practice/warm-ups so I'm jumping on the Character Journal train. Disclaimer....I frequently make typos]

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| Book 8 | Entry 08 |
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I never quite know what the market will bring me when I visit. Today for example, I believe I stole another's identity for a point of time.

To start off, A bag of flour and some fruit was all I was in need of when going there. In the early morning I had packed my bag and rode to the Landing. It did not take me long to find said items but once I was about to take my leave, an elder man tapped on my shoulder in order to get my attention.

I was polite and greeted him and he explained that he needed assistance finding where he could buy a bracelet for his granddaughter. I remember he heavily gestured with his hands as though I knew not what the simple words he spoke meant. Trying to hide my amusement at that I simply smiled and I pointed over to where a stall that could help him was.

He gave me his thanks but after a few stumbled, paces he looked back at me and was waiting for me to follow. It had taken me a moment to realize this but he did not seem to notice and together I guided him to the stall. Once he had found what he needed I was prepared to take my leave but then he had asked if I was going to be home for dinner. I was confused but more so because he referred to me as William.

Now, I know not who I leave these books for but I must state that my appearance is rather unique, and that is no minimization of the truth. In a crowd I would be rather easy to pick out from a fair distance away, for example.

I tried to gently explain to the man that I was in fact not 'William' but he simply became more irritable and refused to believe me despite my efforts. I will admit after some time I was worried a scene was going to unfold as a few eyes had already fallen on us. In a panic I lied I decided to go along with it and said that I could not tell him if I was to be at dinner since my day was rather busy. He rudely scoffed and said it that was typical of me and then simply walked away.

I went home shortly after to complete the rest of my to-do list, but to say the least, that was a first.
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Mudpaw11

Lord of Altera
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| Book 8 | Entry 09 |
__________________________________________​

A book on spirits finally joined my shelves today and I near tore one of the pages, I flipped through it so quickly.
I worked on a new set of notes when finished, though I cannot say I plan on hunting down any supernatural beings after what happened in Queensport all those years ago. How long ago was that? I have it written, somewhere, I imagine. -- [The rest of this section is crossed out].
I typically bake while reading, not at the same time of course but going between the two helps pace everything out. I followed an old bread recipe from my mother. She was not around to make it after I was born but my brother enjoyed it prior to that so I was quick to learn it when I was younger. My father's memory was all I had to go off for the recipe at the time, but I have made it so often that I near know it like the back of my hand.
Unfortunately, I had forgotten to add two of the ingredients before putting it over heat this time.
Perhaps I was due for a mistake.
On a brighter note, it was still somewhat edible.
. . .
 
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Mudpaw11

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| Book 8 | Entry 10 |
__________________________________________​

I despise the cold.
I am not certain what has compelled me to write on it but I have little else to talk about in my life.
Some choose to live in the north, I do not understand it. You cannot lay down, snow is awful to run through and the wind is cutting.
I suppose the heat is not perfect either but I hardly think it fair to compare the two.
I need to get more firewood today. I had thought I had seven logs left. In truth I was certain I did, yet, when I came home there were only four.
Nothing was stolen of course, no one broke in, I had just misremembered.
I must have been tired when I counted.
On a brighter note, there was a beautiful misty rain this morning.
You could barely see in front of you.
 

Mudpaw11

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CW: Possible Disassociation / 2am Angst

| Book 8 | Entry 15 |
__________________________________________​
I had to see it for myself.

It was for a study, I think. I had heard the rumors that things had changed and in truth I still know not what happened last time. I only needed answers and that was that.

So why do I feel guilty?

Why do I feel as if every action was being judged by someone, like every bird that flew away a reflection of the past, or how every breeze was trying to hold me back.

Where was this feeling before I started to pile those notes and tinder together. Where was it before I had left that room in the first place! I had a multitude of chances to stop and think, to recall what happened last time, remember why I swore never to try it again.

Still, the withdrawal gnawed at me like an addiction. Once I lit the candle in my hand I knew I was making a mistake but at this point I was one move away from satisfaction. One step from obtaining that selfish power I presently missed.

But instead I just waited.

Honestly I do not remember why. Maybe even in my impulsive state I was awake enough to hesitate.

I only remember staring at that lone, mesmerising, flame. It was as though everything around it had become background noise and it was just it and myself left. I know not how to explain it but I must have been in that state for some time because the wax had started to melt onto my hand.

I could feel it, the discomfort that bordered pain but it never went past that. I started to watch it instead. It dripped down the candle and traced the scars that covered my hands. Then, it either cooled off or dripped onto my boots.

Have.. my hands always looked like that? Pale burns, only contrasted by the dark, red lines that outlined my veins. They were so, unfamiliar-like they could not possibly be mine. I knew that if they were mine then I would still be able to feel just how hot that wax really was, I would still be able to see the few freckles that decorated them.
I would still be able to claim them as being my own.
After that I put out the candle, I grabbed my gloves and left that unlit bonfire.
Never again. Never again is power worth going through that once more.
 
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