(This is a book in-game that one must find to read)
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Dolk kilk’Niifa
A Book of Meaning
Here, I speak as Ashna Kov’Gra’Sek of Linlea. A scholar, a priestess, a leader. I speak as an observer of the world and one who has seen its changes. This is not to give a last farewell, but too explain to you, reader.. to not despair in the absence of a guide. To become one yourself.
Inspiration to write this came from the acceptance that my purpose, in guidance of the Grey Lady, would have fallen apart another time. Making this world a purgatory. All because of the passion of the people against what they assume is wrong. I wrote this because I knew it would not be the end of my world, despite fighting against this passion. I will finish it because it still remains to be my truth.
What is the meaning of Life? What drives one to keep going in a cruel world with its constant destruction? Where individuals routinely kill, murder, torture and others create empires to belittle or shield the ones they call their own. Where pirates can plunder, and bandits burn villages. Where nobles lock themselves up in high castles and orphans play on the graves of corpses. Where one can feel so alone and isolated at times, but within reach- they are welcomed whole and warm by kindness.
I have come to observe through the Moorish culture changing and among my own struggles, that one must always have a purpose. As the saying goes- When one door closes, another opens. But that other door must open. Otherwise, you have closed yourself in a room with no entrance and no exit, to suffocate and wallow in what once was and what could be. It is not a good experience to fall on. This pursuit, to strive and find meaning in life- is a form of therapy. It is not something we can share with others- we must find this meaning on our own. Logos. That is the ancient term for ‘Meaning’ in Common. In Mok’yra, I call it ‘Niifa’.
How does one come by a purpose? Look within yourself. What do you want to live for? To stand for? If you are searching, then it means there is something to find. It can be as simple as wanting to see the sun in the morning, to hear your child’s laughter, see your lover’s eyes, to make sure your neighbor has a meal on their table, or perhaps it is as over achieving as revenge. I do not dissuade you, reader, from a negative path. Small steps must be walked- one at a time.
But as you read on, I must inform you that there must be a balance in our existence. Good paths and bad.
In a time when faith in the gods is low and nihilism is high, I must also point out that a world without the gods has not been heard of. To my understanding, the gods give purpose. It is not to them that one should directly praise, else you fall into a stupor, but to their tenants and to their duty. They need us as much as we need them for this world to exist. Without the gods, there may still be existence. But to where our souls go and to what the natural order of life becomes- we do not know. This is why a death of one can tip that balance and the cost can be great, as we have seen countless times. In spite, we have also seen the world attempt to balance itself right after.. A new wonder or horror in place of death of the last. And so the cycle runs again.
For myself, the goddess’s end had almost come to be. What then- if my purpose was to teach the Grey Lady’s ways- to which its tenants align with such neutral themes I write, it’s acceptance that the afterlife will protect our souls (they who have done good, or they who have not fallen for I do not pretend the sinners will not find judgement)- would have become of me? Where would I be then? In the coming of one lost purpose, I had somewhere to be. Someone to exist for. Some wrongs to mend.. There does not have to be just one purpose for you. There can be many. Even if the world around threatens to end.
I go back a stride. There cannot always be peace. Nor can there always be chaos. Such absolutes do not exist in our world and cannot. We live in an equilibrium of push and pull, where if chaos reigns- then peace is soon to follow. As it were, if there comes peace for too long, chaos is right around the corners. Each is not without suffering, anger, hatred, nor without love or happiness. Without our struggles, our journey to reach our purpose and fulfill it, we do not gain new experiences and enlightenment. It is never about the ultimate end, but the beginning and the journey towards it.
The world is ever changing. Its structures, its cultures, its alignments and its enemies. The people we once knew will also change. Motives, drives, intentions. They disappear and reappear- those who were once lost are found and those who were once here- will leave. You can fall back to the question.. ‘Will I change, too?’
The answer is usually Yes, if one is not so stubborn to the concept. We mortals are learning creatures. We can adapt to new habitats, new cultures, meld into crowds, draw inspiration, crush it, and fall into ruination. We are ever changing. That is what comes with living in our world. It is painful and it is inspiring.
I leave with you another saying I have held on to. Have False Hope. Vahkr Yins Ooaa Resh. The terms can read to be negative, a lie. It is in Mok’yra. But it means so much more. Consider it a concept to be thought on. It has helped me and Tol’fen’ko Learornor through hard ordeals.
With that, I bid these writings farewell. This pointed Memoir is meant for those that search for it. For the journeymen, the scholar, the hopeless, the lost and the casualty. It has found its place on a shelf, buried in a crypt, soaked in rain water or almost burnt to a crisp. May it fall on eager ears.
Dolk kilk’Niifa.
Rise with Meaning.
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(OOC Inspiration to write came from the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl that I read through a few months ago. When I read it, I realized that this was the way I roleplayed Ashna and things clicked together. The form of therapy, he calls it ‘logotherapy’, to search for purpose, it all fit together for me regarding her and what I wanted to come to terms with in the end. It was a good way to write it out with good closure)