Medieval & Fantasy Minecraft Roleplaying

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Concept VN Bad end - input please

DraconDarknight

Lord of Altera
DraconDarknight
DraconDarknight
So I saw that Visual Novel maker on the internet and kinda want to make a detective story now...

Here is my concept for an early bad end one could archieve:

(Attention: Do not read if you recently lost someone, or have someone who is in a coma)

Choice: Do nothing

I decided to stay where I was.
Assuming these two represent either Heaven or my comatose state , or even heaven and hell, I was currently right in between those two.

So I was certain that waiting here and doing nothing would be the best course of action if I didn't want to die.

Suddenly I felt an enormous pain.

I could hear the quite voices of the doctor, and probably nurses whispering through the environment.

I heard a high alarming tone.

'Heart rate dropping - He is going into cardiac arrest' , said a voice

Another moment of huge pain.

The interval of this annoying high pitched sound became higher and higher.

Then another moment of pain ran through my entire body.

I could bear with the pain but this annoying tone started to get on my nerves.

Beep-beep-beep-beep

Really Can't you come up with something else than reducing the interval between the sounds? It's annoying.

Eventually the pain stopped, and all those annoying high pitched short frequented tones became a single high tone.

And slowly I faded away....

Perspective change to characters daughter:

That day father probably stood at a crossing...
One way represented his chance for life, and the other the coma...
But father always was someone who liked to think things through, and before doing something wrong not doing it at all.
Grandmother and I were sent out of the room, while the doctors rushed in.
The door was badly closed and we could hear the EKG on the floor.

It made a sound that was unmistakingly meant to be some form of alarm.
The beeping became shorter and shorter.
They tried to reanimate him but in the end the machine only showed a flat line.

When father was standing on the crossroad of life, he couldn't decide where to go. But that world was probably like the real world too - A world where indecision becomes decision. That day was the last time I saw my father alive...

For a few days I blamed grandmother for getting in an argument with father right after he woke up... But deep down I knew that it wasn't her fault.
No matter how you look at it, those two never got along, and father kind of provoked her... It was his own fault.

At his funeral I didn't cry.
Why would I?
It was the second time he left me alone now and I have had it. At least he would never be able to abandon me again...

Eventually I took over my Grandparents empire, and every year, when my children and I visit my parents grave, I always remind them to not become stubborn fools who leave their family alone...

Thoughts?
 
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