VideoGameNerd23 - Application [Declined - MRPolo]

[VIdeoGameNerd23]

1. What is your minecraft username?
VideoGameNerd23
2. How old are you?
22
3. What gender are you?
Male
4. What country do you live in?
United Kingdom
5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server?
Yes
5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game?
Yes
6. Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction.
I am Zook McKila. I was a fabled miner living in the southern realms of Altera, my town was plagued with war and I was forced to make a run for the boundary as I was approaching the eastern edge I came across a elderly man who enquired about my background......
7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you are.
I am Jack.My hobbies are playing Minecraft,Team Fortress 2 and other games.I enjoy Fantasy movies and Fantasy games anything to do with Fantasy.My favourite food is Macoroni cheese. My favourite lesson at school was English.I have a friend called Syrite on the server.I have a brother.I would liek to be part of the community because I am very interested in Roleplaying and have a great sense of humor and I will not get mad easily.
8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video.
No
9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us?
I was referred by a friend
10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense?
Yess
11. How did you find out about our server?
By a friend (In-game name Syrite)
12. Have you voted for us? (Click Here)
Yes

 

[Alpha]

Can you flesh out question 6 a little more please

 

[VIdeoGameNerd23]

Question 6: I am Zook McKila. I was a fabled miner living in the southern realms of Altera, my town was plagued with war and I was forced to make a run for the boundary as I was approaching the eastern edge I came across a elderly man who enquired about my background. He took me to his hometown of Silverwatch. I was treated pleasantly and he told me many Stories about the land of Altera,He told me about our ancient ancestors and the many kings and queens. I had lived with them for a few years now, The man lead me to a mysterious he said you will have a good life here!,and be able to find out about my past.......

 

[Eric V]

Hi, just letting know you I think you should re-do your question 6 a little more, see currently you have a lot of events describing his past, but very little about who he is a person, which is what we truly wish to see. Thanks in advance for fixing that.

By the way the edit button is just below your original post.

 

[MRPolo13]

All right. This is pretty decent. However, Question 6 asks for lengthy story about you, not about an old man asking it. You're on the right tracks, but you need to ensure it tells about you. I would rewrite it really. Other then that, I liked your Question 7.

 

[MRPolo13]

Declined.
Sorry, but you took too long to respond to this thread and edit in the changes asked for above. Feel free to reapply.