whitelist app[Declined - DavyITA]

[minecraftmatty13]

1. What is your minecraft username? minecraftmatty13

2. 13

3.male

4.UK
5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server? I have done

5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game? yes

6.Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction.kraik - the poor mining boyI woke up one morning I looked in the mirror I saw a dusty boy with shaggy brown hair. I thought to myself do I want to keep mining and be scared for my life with the regular explosions, the bandits and the heavy debts we owned to the gangsters. I decided I would work until everything was perfect so I went mining while I was down in the mine some people had been smoking cigars in close proximity to the dynamite a spark blew off one and lit the cord I ran for my life just getting inside the bunker but then the explosion ripped out and all of the miners died except me I was now free from all our worry’s because everyone would think I was dead I then sneaked out from a back entrance and sold my riches there was merchants in the town coming from a place called Altera they said it was a beautiful place so I paid them to get me a ride to this magical place I got on and I thought to myself am going to leave the past behind and become what I want to.

7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you is.
I'm a 13 year old boy from the UK I don't really like pvp servers but a friend recommend this server so I tried it I like playing sailing and volleyball I will make a lot of friends on the server and not become a bandit I hate pvp!!! Lol but I'll still play in the pvp areas I love playing cod on the Xbox and also play a bit of bf3 i kind of like school science is my favourite subject and i quite like computing i dream of becoming a game dev um thats all really i cant think of anything else really give me some ideas if it aint long enough
8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video. no

9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us?if i dont get accepted i will not be making anymore apps please just say whats wrong and i will fix it
10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense? yes I won’t use black magic
11. How did you find out about our server?
headbudgie

12.have u voted for us? no but i will

 

[Th3RealLegend]

This is maybe one of the worst applications ever...

 

[minecraftmatty13]

what should i change then

 

[minecraftmatty13]

oh its all together lol sorry

 

[Th3RealLegend]

I went mining while I was down in the mine a huge explosion ripped out all of the miners died except me

...

 

[NinjaTangerine]

Please do not be cruel, mean or disrespectful to other people on our forums and in game. We're here for fun. recently you've been commenting on people's whitelist applications grammar nazi'ing every single point. 5 Forum Warn points, continue, and it'll lead to punishment in-game.

 

[minecraftmatty13]

thought he was staff lol

 

[Valonyx]

Staff has dark brown forum names and custom titles. (the title under their avatar.)

 

[minecraftmatty13]

cool

 

[Pandurtle]

look at savage camo's application you stole his backstory or something cause its like the same thing

 

[DavyITA]

look at savage camo's application you stole his backstory or something cause its like the same thing

Could you please link it here? I can't seem to find the one you are talking about.

Now, about the application.. assuming that the 6 isn't copied.
Could you please add more to your n°7? The question requires around 8 sentences. Add more about who you are in the real life, more about you, and less about games please ^^

 

[minecraftmatty13]

edited sorry if it still aint long enough i dont know what to say

 

[DavyITA]

The problem with your n°6, that another user(although not very kindly) pointed out, that is:

a huge explosion ripped out all of the miners died except me

For a statement like that you require some actual extensive explanation, try to put in more details all over it. And please, while you have a look at it, if you could try to fix some punctuation which is missing, it would be nice.

 

[minecraftmatty13]

edited

 

[DavyITA]

I'm sorry but I have to decline this..
You can try to reapply though, if you do, take these inputs into consideration:
-The question n°6 is your occasion to show us your roleplaying skills, by introducing your character speaking through it, showing his personality, fears and dreams.
Most importantly, there's no need for everyone around your character to die for no reason to give your character an edge, have a look at this guide please, it will hopefully help you out:
http://hollowworld.co.uk/index.php?threads/how-to-make-a-good-character-introduction.14771/
-Punctuation:

I decided I would work until everything was perfect so I went mining while I was down in the mine some people had been smoking cigars in close proximity to the dynamite a spark blew off one and lit the cord I ran for my life just getting inside the bunker but then the explosion ripped out and all of the miners died except me I was now free from all our worry’s because everyone would think I was dead I then sneaked out from a back entrance and sold my riches there was merchants in the town coming from a place called Altera they said it was a beautiful place so I paid them to get me a ride to this magical place I got on and I thought to myself am going to leave the past behind and become what I want to.

Try reading this whole sentence without choking, it's quite hard.. the punctuation is a very important thing. You will have to put some more effort and read your story twice before posting it..