wizzy3001's application [Declined - MRPolo]

[Wizzy3001]

1. What is your minecraft username?
wizzy3001
2. How old are you?
14
3. What gender are you?
male
4. What country do you live in?
England
5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server?
yes
5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game?
yes
6. Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction.
a young set frist foot on the dock of hollow good with a sword skilled with a bow a fight born nodal strong bold nothing can stand in his way he said to him self the he can destroy coutry and he could.this realy was the start of powerful kingdom maybe it was the start of the end of maybe this young king could bring the kingdoms tether and end the wars that are happening all the time this truculently was the start of something. a good build fighter, lumber jack a great all round (this is from a narrator piont of view)
7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you are.
i tried to be helpful caring cram not a dosh i am pretty sport i like to build, hunter and mine and most of the stuff i mine goes to my friends or to help my friend in thier building i do have a reading and writing problem but i try to not show that i do like to be crecked if i say something otherwise i will never learn. i am polite try hard in school second set for math and science that the only sets we have.
8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video.
i would do if i was better with screen shots but i have not work them out yet.
9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us?
i think this server is the best hosted server ever
10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense?
yes i am aware
11. How did you find out about our server?
my brothers friend have been playing it for so time now and they love it
12. Have you voted for us? i am about to vote for thim amazing server

 

[Eric V]

Hay wizzy, a few issues here.

Question 6 is way to short, and we prefer to learn about your character, not random events in his past, also the world is called Altera.

Question 7, needs 8 sentences at a minimum, and we prefer to read about you outside of gaming/minecraft. Tell us your hobbies and interests, and about all your pets.

While your editing all that in, you should also bold your questions and space them from your answers, as this makes it easier to read, and will only lead to a speedier acceptance.

Thanks have a nice day.

The edit button is below your post but above mine.

 

[MRPolo13]

Hello there. As Eric pointed out, there are a couple of issues with your application.
First off, you should reconsider your RP character introduction. This will be the backbone of your RP Character which you will use in-game. You must attempt to basically say anything that is special about your character just in that first paragraph. It's like reading first couple of pages of a book. Within those couple of pages, you usually meet the main character, a little bit about his background and anything else that may want to be pointed out. Lengthy is the key word really. We don't want an essay on the creation of universe, but something that can be interesting to read as well as give useful details.
Again, Eric beat me to saying this, but you may want to improve upon your Question 7. You are talking about yourself to the community. It's as simple as that. Hobbies, interests et cetera. I guess you can figure it out yourself. Think of someone asking you 8 questions about yourself, and you are to answer them.
Also, again as Eric pointed out (grr >:O xD) You may want to put spaces between the questions as well as making them bold.

 

[Wizzy3001]

plz dont make do any more i have done edited this 3 times

 

[MRPolo13]

Sorry but I do have some more editing for you. The character introduction is still too short. Write about your RP character's name and what he is generally like. What he looks like as well as how he acts.
As for question 7, the magical number of 8 sentences has not been achieved. However, if you place full stops in right places it can be easy to fix.

 

[willybobsta]

*facepalm*
The reason you have to edit it again is that you didn't fix it the first 3 times...

 

[MRPolo13]

Yes, that is the exact reason.

 

[Wizzy3001]

k do that tomorow

 

[Tchel]

Also... capitalizing necessary words and putting full stops where required make the read a whole lot easier.

 

[MRPolo13]

In fact, I received no response in a while. This application is declined. Feel free to reapply using the rules above