Medieval & Fantasy Minecraft Roleplaying

Greetings Explorer, Navigate into the Lobby!

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Be sure to "Get Whitelisted" to join the community on server!

  • Greetings Guest, Welcome to our Medieval Roleplaying Server, HollowWorld! We're closing soon. Please enjoy the forums for now!

snowmon6[Declined - Abbeyvie/DavyITA]

Status
Not open for further replies.

snowmon6

Villager
1. What is your minecraft username?
snowmon6 (No capital letters)

2. How old are you?
15

3. What gender are you?
Male

4. What country do you live in?
U.S.A.

5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server?
Yes.

5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game?
Yes.

6. Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction.
My name is Kyo. I'm a full human spanish-born mercenary assassin. I was born into poverty. When I was 10, my father took me on my first hunting trip. Bagging stacks of chicken, meat, and pork, my father said to me, "My son, you will make a fine huntsman one day..." But one day, when I turned 15, I was out on a hunting trip by myself. After I returned, I found my entire village in utter chaos. Zombies started eating the villagers, spider jockeys shot any who dared to escape, creepers demolished buildings, and endermen built walls around the holes in the village walls, blocking off any escape. In utter terror, I fled, and never returned. I stumbled upon another village. I lived there as a lowly beggar for about two years, until one day, a man came up to me... he was a survivor of the attack on my village. He said he had a little job for me... it was to kill a group of people that have been raiding his crops for several days. I was shocked and frightened... this man used to be my father's best friend, and never had anything to do with murder. Being as poor as I was, however, I had no choice but to accept the job. I waited outside by his crops for a few hours, until the gang came to raid his crops again. I shot off three arrows... each one was a kill. I couldn't sleep for several days, stricken with guilt. Then... the man came back, with another job. After that second job, I became his hitman. I soon got used to this, and eventually, grudgingly accepted his jobs, then after some time, indifferently, then after about a year, willingly. Then, a gang of about 15 strongmen was after me, for killing so many of their gang members. I fled, as there was no way I'd be able to fight all of them. I found out about the land of Altera by a single sign in the road. I followed the road... and my adventure had begun.

7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you are.
Well, I'm puerto rican (not an important detail, just clarifying where the "spanish-born assassin" came from), and I enjoy making movies. I'm currently working on an independent film action movie with my friends, under the title of Call of Duty. I'm not the director, just an actor. I don't play any major parts, in fact I've already died... twice. The link to it is below.

8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video.
That's the video mentioned above. I'm the one with long hair that's wearing the black hoodie. It's basically an independent action movie me and my friends are making. I myself don't know much about the plot, all I know is, it's actiony.

9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us?
Not really.

10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense?
Yes.

11. How did you find out about our server?
MCSL.

12. Have you voted for us? (Click Here)
Yep.
 

Satouroes

Loyal Servant of Altera
Ok first off, it says provide a lengthy character introduction, which you clearly haven't done. Reading this should help: http://hollowworld.co.uk/index.php?threads/how-to-make-a-good-character-introduction.14771/

Secondly, I would not include any information about your own server because even though you say you aren't advertising, you kind of are and believe me that is one sure way to get rejected. You then need to include more information and not just reference your part in the video.

Finally, put the questions in bold to make the whole thing look better.
 

snowmon6

Villager
Hello There!

Here's a few tips:
Your N*6 is very very short. Like, it needs to be more than 2 sentences if you want to even be considered. Here is how long mine is: http://hollowworld.co.uk/index.php?threads/app-for-whitelist-blueraid3.15143/
Yours does not need to be near as long as mine, its just an example.
If you need any farther tips or help, please feel free to PM me.
Sorry about the delay in fixing. The changes I made last night somehow reverted themselves.
 

Satouroes

Loyal Servant of Altera
I'm sorry when I saw your application last it had not been updated. This is better. Just a few points. First, introductions where everyone you grew up with die are far to common and a bit cliche, that's not saying your story is bad, it's just something to consider. Second, the land you are joining is called Altera not hollowworld. Other than that it's not bad.
 

snowmon6

Villager
I'm sorry when I saw your application last it had not been updated. This is better. Just a few points. First, introductions where everyone you grew up with die are far to common and a bit cliche, that's not saying your story is bad, it's just something to consider. Second, the land you are joining is called Altera not hollowworld. Other than that it's not bad.
So am I good to go, then?
 

Satouroes

Loyal Servant of Altera
Well I'm not an admin so I can't approve applications, i can only help applicants tidy up their application so the whole process is sped up. Just sit tight.
 

DavyITA

The Lioness of Davia
Hello, your n°6 needs some fixing:
1) A mercenary\assassin would never, ever, introduce himself as one, this is just unrealistic (and a wee bit overused), so please consider changing that.
2) You said:
spider jockeys shot any who dared to escape[...], endermen built walls around the holes in the village walls, blocking off any escape.
But then you say: "In utter terror, I fled, and never returned." How could you do that, in those circumstances?

And also, your n°7 says "in around 8 sentences or more", so please fix that up.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top