matyio
The original mute
Well, here I am doing something I thought I'd never get a chance to do, apologise and explain why I did what I did, as well as how I intend to make sure it doesn't happen again. So first, before I apologise, I'd like to thank the staff for letting me have another chance. This means more to me than any of you are probably aware.
Now, onto the apology. I'm sorry for a lot of the things I did whilst I was here, whether it lead to my ban or not I'll apologise for it As I never did before the ban even though I knew most of them I should have done.
First is posting my address, I'm intelligent enough to know that this was a stupid thing and it wasted people's time editing out when it could have been better spent on them having fun or doing their job. It had been on my profile for a year and the only reason I posted it was I was used to being with friends that knew where I lived anyway. It's difficult for me to get out of a way of thinking sometimes. Needless to say this is one mistake I shall be repeating, that I can say for certain.
Second is all the times I lashed out at people. I'd often apologise after but honestly, that's never going to be good enough. I realise now that I often got to that point because I let insignificant things stress me out. Then when it built up too much I unleashed upon someone who had a valid point, or was having a laugh, or was even just misguided. More often than not though, my outbursts were due to me misunderstanding someone.To prevent this from happening again I've taken to playing games, or painting my miniatures when I'm stressed, and just apologising and leaving people alone, in the most extreme cases I've used features that allow me to ignore a person and put that on. In other words I've learned how to focus my stress on more productive things, rather than arguing needlessly.
Thirdly I'd like to apologise for all the depressing posts I made during my time here. I don't mean the mildly negative ones, but the ones that I made about suicide and death. The extremely negative ones. One of the first things I did when I was allowed access to my forum account again was go through and delete all the posts that made me feel even slightly depressed. While I was here I didn't realise it, but when I was banned I discovered something about me. I have an unconscious need for attention, and I was using my depression so I'd get the attention I craved. I could go into detail about why this is but that's not needed, all you need to know is that I've been able to stop my depressing posts for the most part. However I have been told that many of my posts still come across as very negative, and that is one of my new goals to lower the amount of. I'd much rather come across as neutral than negative if possible.
Finally I'd like to apologise for all the harassment of staff I partook in during the time I was banned, I let my emotions rule me during that time and I probably hurt a lot of good people. To prevent myself from doing this again I'll probably just bar myself from the forums for a while. While my apology probably comes in too late to change anything I'll still say it. I'm sorry, not just for this but all the above.
After I was banned from here it was as if I was a child learning all about myself again, other than the fact that I loved attention I learned that I had more than depression and Asperger's syndrome, but without the ability to go to my parents for aid on this matter I cannot get diagnosed. Though after a fair amount of research I suspect I suffer from paranoia due to the bullying I endured during secondary school, and I also appear to suffer from minor anxiety. I also learned that for some reason I cannot accept people trying to help me directly, something which if I'd found out much earlier would have meant a lot of the bitterness people felt towards me after failing to help could have been avoided. As previously mentioned I have not been able to get professional help. This is due to the fact that any advice I go to my general practitioner for will be passed onto my parents who would react badly even if I told them. My mother is extremely protective over myself and my brother to the point where she will try and shield us from harm where harm is not coming from. In other words if I were to tell them about my mental health issues or go to my gp for advice I'd be pulled out of college and not be allowed to go on a computer for anything other than work. Something which would drive me mad as two of my best friends are only contactable through a computer. And well it would be denying me a chance to get into an industry I've always wanted to get into.
Some of you may ask why I'm not pleading to be unbanned, and that's because the way I see it, pleading to be unbanned doesn't show that you have, or are willing to change the same way as giving examples does. My hope is that you, the staff team see this and feel that giving me another chance is something you want to risk. You have already done more than I thought would ever happen by unbanning my forum account, and I respect you for doing that. My hope is that I don't disappoint any of you by getting banned immediately.
As for my alternate account I have leant it out to a friend and as such have had one of my friends remove it from the ban list and whitelist, Lucina_Reed is not currently under my control and so if someone appears trying to whitelist it I will aid you in anyway nessecary.
Finally I shall be Roleplaying my mute musician character again, he'll be basically the same personality but I'm making some changes that will affect how he roleplays, I have read through the lore and all the relevant guides and shall make sure not to make another lore breaking character as I have in the past.
As I have been lead to understand, if this appeal is accepted I will be required to make a whitelist application so I may enter the server. If I have heard wrong or there is something I've missed then feel free to enquire, after all you want to be as sure as possible before letting me back I assume.
Now, onto the apology. I'm sorry for a lot of the things I did whilst I was here, whether it lead to my ban or not I'll apologise for it As I never did before the ban even though I knew most of them I should have done.
First is posting my address, I'm intelligent enough to know that this was a stupid thing and it wasted people's time editing out when it could have been better spent on them having fun or doing their job. It had been on my profile for a year and the only reason I posted it was I was used to being with friends that knew where I lived anyway. It's difficult for me to get out of a way of thinking sometimes. Needless to say this is one mistake I shall be repeating, that I can say for certain.
Second is all the times I lashed out at people. I'd often apologise after but honestly, that's never going to be good enough. I realise now that I often got to that point because I let insignificant things stress me out. Then when it built up too much I unleashed upon someone who had a valid point, or was having a laugh, or was even just misguided. More often than not though, my outbursts were due to me misunderstanding someone.To prevent this from happening again I've taken to playing games, or painting my miniatures when I'm stressed, and just apologising and leaving people alone, in the most extreme cases I've used features that allow me to ignore a person and put that on. In other words I've learned how to focus my stress on more productive things, rather than arguing needlessly.
Thirdly I'd like to apologise for all the depressing posts I made during my time here. I don't mean the mildly negative ones, but the ones that I made about suicide and death. The extremely negative ones. One of the first things I did when I was allowed access to my forum account again was go through and delete all the posts that made me feel even slightly depressed. While I was here I didn't realise it, but when I was banned I discovered something about me. I have an unconscious need for attention, and I was using my depression so I'd get the attention I craved. I could go into detail about why this is but that's not needed, all you need to know is that I've been able to stop my depressing posts for the most part. However I have been told that many of my posts still come across as very negative, and that is one of my new goals to lower the amount of. I'd much rather come across as neutral than negative if possible.
Finally I'd like to apologise for all the harassment of staff I partook in during the time I was banned, I let my emotions rule me during that time and I probably hurt a lot of good people. To prevent myself from doing this again I'll probably just bar myself from the forums for a while. While my apology probably comes in too late to change anything I'll still say it. I'm sorry, not just for this but all the above.
After I was banned from here it was as if I was a child learning all about myself again, other than the fact that I loved attention I learned that I had more than depression and Asperger's syndrome, but without the ability to go to my parents for aid on this matter I cannot get diagnosed. Though after a fair amount of research I suspect I suffer from paranoia due to the bullying I endured during secondary school, and I also appear to suffer from minor anxiety. I also learned that for some reason I cannot accept people trying to help me directly, something which if I'd found out much earlier would have meant a lot of the bitterness people felt towards me after failing to help could have been avoided. As previously mentioned I have not been able to get professional help. This is due to the fact that any advice I go to my general practitioner for will be passed onto my parents who would react badly even if I told them. My mother is extremely protective over myself and my brother to the point where she will try and shield us from harm where harm is not coming from. In other words if I were to tell them about my mental health issues or go to my gp for advice I'd be pulled out of college and not be allowed to go on a computer for anything other than work. Something which would drive me mad as two of my best friends are only contactable through a computer. And well it would be denying me a chance to get into an industry I've always wanted to get into.
Some of you may ask why I'm not pleading to be unbanned, and that's because the way I see it, pleading to be unbanned doesn't show that you have, or are willing to change the same way as giving examples does. My hope is that you, the staff team see this and feel that giving me another chance is something you want to risk. You have already done more than I thought would ever happen by unbanning my forum account, and I respect you for doing that. My hope is that I don't disappoint any of you by getting banned immediately.
As for my alternate account I have leant it out to a friend and as such have had one of my friends remove it from the ban list and whitelist, Lucina_Reed is not currently under my control and so if someone appears trying to whitelist it I will aid you in anyway nessecary.
Finally I shall be Roleplaying my mute musician character again, he'll be basically the same personality but I'm making some changes that will affect how he roleplays, I have read through the lore and all the relevant guides and shall make sure not to make another lore breaking character as I have in the past.
As I have been lead to understand, if this appeal is accepted I will be required to make a whitelist application so I may enter the server. If I have heard wrong or there is something I've missed then feel free to enquire, after all you want to be as sure as possible before letting me back I assume.
