(My profiles getting chunky. I'm moving all of Ashna's stories here because I might write more, maybe. And d'aw, it's cute to see how I wrote 2 years ago.)
Tales of Ashna Khovr- 2014
Past:
*A slow walk up the cold stone steps of The Grey Isle found a young Ashna under a few wooden pillars. Their long shadows loomed above her as the dark-orange sun set. She watched the ocean's color spring in and out from blue to green to yellow to orange. And the mix of colors darkened as the world turned to shadow. The tall statue of The Grey stood fierce with it's sword drawn upward and she sighed as she settled to lean back against its foot, hiking her hood to cover her Moor ears from the cold air. Her bow clanked in anger from between her back and the foot of the statue as she pressed against it. She sighed and glanced around, making sure no one was near.*
Hello...Mother... *She starts off in Mok’yra, slowly testing her low voice*. It is Ashna... *She gulps, realizing the mother she never got to know would not recognize her voice, let alone her figure.* I am your daughter. *She peers around, trying to figure out where to focus her voice towards and she does, the large white moon comes into view. She snorts in amusement* Sauran used to tell me that you always wore white. Remember Sauran? Your son? *She sighs* The Oldest memory I have is that of brother. *She smiles, her eyes twinkling in sadness as the memory slowly comes to her*. He was always the brave one. I looked up to him, did you know that, mother? *She shakes her head* Of course you would not.
Yes, we stayed together... I don't remember Father. I don't remember the boat ride away from the Isle. I don't remember how we were separated from him. *She pauses*
...All I remember is Sauran and I in the Sorrows, living off of stolen wheat. *Her throat catches in anger as she suddenly remembers the beatings from angry bandits. Her face becomes flushed and tears well up as she imagines the images of her childhood in vivid scenes. The hungry, cold nights. The dirt beds. The cuts. The bruises. And her brother, shielding her from it all as he hugged her during the cold nights. As he stood in front of her as they were beaten. As he.....as he. Even the thought brought frustrated tears to her eyes, forcing her to make a longer pause than necessary. And she stared at the floor, clenching her jaws in an attempt to hide the pain..*
*When she finally felt stable enough to speak, her voice was still yet soft* You do not know... how brave he was. He would have made a true knight. A hero of sorts....A Moor Elf, a Hero. He would have broken so many barriers. *She scoffed and wondered all the same. The image of her brother was blurry to her now. Time has passed since...and all she remembered was a wolfish smile and pointy ears*.
His grave is somewhere in the Sorrows.
*Her tone turned from wonder to resentment* He is gone now. What good did it do him, to fight so often? When I always asked him not to. He would. And he would come back grinning to me- *Her voice partly breaks* He was broken, Mother. I do not know who broke him, but all he did was fight. He said he felt alive when he was being beaten- *Her tears faded as she numbly remembered the pain.* When..when he killed. *She took a deep breath* Yes...your son killed. And he liked it.
I only knew of it then...We had a home once. We lived with an elderly Halfling couple in the Sorrows. They were the kindest folk I had ever seen. They taught us many things. How to cook meals. How to farm. How to build. *Her voice still cracks as she gives a broken smile towards the moon* They were wonderful parents. And I- I went to gather some wood one day. It was a long day, but I was so proud of gathering so much wood. I...I came home and he was....brother was.....Sauran was standing over their....bloody corpses. He was grinning, Mother. *She hissed* He was licking their blood from his hands. And he...He was laughing.
(so much tragic backstory drama <_< - 2/16/17)
*The feelings overwhelms her and she shivers as she hugs herself. She hunches over as she tries to get a grasp on reality. Breathing heavily, she slowly wipes her sleeve to her nose and looks up*
He left me, then. He saw me there. He got up and stared at me with dead eyes.. or frightened eyes. I cannot remember.. He was scared.. or hateful. I thought he was going to strike me as he rushed towards me...but when I finally opened my eyes. I noticed he was gone. He ran away.
And I....I had...I had to clean up his mess.
*She sniffs, feeling her nose running and she wipes her sleeve to it again* I'm babbling I know *She murmurs*. It is...It is not something I want to say out loud. Or even think about...They were kind folk, the Halfling couple. They were.. *Her thought broke off as she went back to reminiscing about them*.
*Moments ticked by and the night grew darker. Ashna perks her head up to the moon as she hears the wind sweeping up the leaves into the air* Where was I? Ah, yes Sauran. *she pauses yet again* After I left the Halfling's home and graves, I ended up fending for myself. It is a hard life for a Moor elf, I was just.. weak. *She shakes her head* I didn't exactly run with the morally good Moor clan of beings, but what choice did I have? I pillaged when I was asked to. I stole when I was told to. They were horrid. But they knew how to live. I did it all to survive. But...there was one thing I would never do...I was never going to turn into him.
I maintained that throughout my life so far.
*She gave a half-wry smile as she looked down in front of her. Her eyes were not focused on anything* It has been more than several years since I heard anything of my birth family. I did not need one. I did not need a hateful brother. I did not need a Father. I did not need you, Mother. *Each time she said "mother", there was a tone of hesitation, dislike and she spoke the word with distaste*. But...after years and years...I wanted to know why. Why did you leave us? Why did father leave us? Who were you exactly? Were you important? Did you do anything? Were you hateful like him? Were you kind? I just wanted to know. The burning questions tortured me throughout my life...
And when I finally found out... *She smiled cruelly upwards at the moon* I realized the truth was much more horrific than anything I could imagine.
*She pauses and glances around the cold Isle air. Afraid she may be overheard.* This is the place. The place you and father met. Where you both came in refuge from the clan wars east of here. I know. I know this now. I found your diary. *Her gaze travels around from the moon to the ground feeling slightly guilty about opening the past doors that should be left forgotten. But she tenses up again, still harboring anger.* You must have been young. I did not need to know such details of your....courtship with father. *grimaces at the thought, remembering the words she read a few nights ago. She relaxes back against the foot of the statue, and reaches into her pouch pulling out a book. Her mother's diary. She opens it and slips through the pages quickly, already knowing its contents.*
You were a Herbalist, hmm? What good did learning plants do you? You should have learned to /fight/! *She pauses and recalls the diary her mother wrote. Her frustrated words revolved around wanting to stop the cycle of death in her family's clan.* You did not want to be like that either. Like a "traditional" Moor. *Ashna frowns* But brother ended up like that all the same...no matter if you tried to push away your bloodline.
And father? Why did you meet such an cruel Moor? He was no better than whatever clan you came from. Another Moor stuck in the darkness. He was one of them. *she hisses* An Acolyte of the "Grey". *Her eyes quickly dart around in the darkness. The mention of the Evil name strikes fear to all inhabitants of the isle, or so she heard.*
He killed. He sacrificed your neighbors /children/. *Ashna exaggerates. She doesn't really know how cruel an Acolyte was. She only heard of horrors from others and stories when she first set fresh feet on the Isle a few months ago. But she continues all the same*. And you loved him?! *She shakes her head in horror*. He was nothing. He was a....a monster.
*Her voice trails off*
You lived with him for so long..*She says as she flips through the pages of the book again. Passing through her mother's witness of her father's misdeeds at the bars and Inns. And how he told her he took the ill and old back to the Grey. Angry and a divulguer of secrets though he was, he never seemed to have told her why.*
...But...but..what happened after I was born? *She pauses and glances up at the white shining moon. Then towards the open book in her hands. The writing stops on one day and ends with:
"-and so he told me I will be well. But I do not feel so. The sickness grows stronger and I fear my children will catch it. I have sent them away off the isle. They will be blessed in a nice warm home. It is far too cold here. Kaz'an has told me not to worry too much. That the children will be fine. But he does not care for them as much as I do. He is far too preoccupied by his own world.
I must rest now. Farewell on this day of Frost.
Filliriam."
It says as much as that me and Sauran were sent away. But then what? What happened to you? *She looks up frustrated and sets the book away, folding her arms. She sighs.* I have no more news than that. You two are gone. And I am now right back where you did not want me, years later.
*She smirkes* How was I to know you lived here? It was not coincidence. I came here on a whim. To leave the noisy towns I had been roaming around. But I did not want to go back to those untamed Sorrows. No, I wanted an actual home and I found this Isle. I heard tales of a secluded island. But I did not know what secrets it held. Secrets such as the Grey.
Secrets such as my family line here...
All dead though. You are all dead and gone. *Her voice cracks again* I am alone. All alone again. I have no one. *She sniffs* I have had no one for years now. And what now? Now I find out I had you two here all along. But you are still dead and gone. The Grey Lady has taken you all away from me.
Well guess what. *Her voice gains strength, although her eyes are misty.* I do not need you. I do not need father. I do not need Sauran. I am well enough by myself and no one will change that. No one can change that.
I can live by myself, for myself, and be happy.
I can do it. I'll show you. I'll show all of you.
*She gives the moon one last glare and stands up straight, trudging up the stone steps back home. Never looking back. Never wanting to look back.
She moves forward*
Bars:Hello...Mother... *She starts off in Mok’yra, slowly testing her low voice*. It is Ashna... *She gulps, realizing the mother she never got to know would not recognize her voice, let alone her figure.* I am your daughter. *She peers around, trying to figure out where to focus her voice towards and she does, the large white moon comes into view. She snorts in amusement* Sauran used to tell me that you always wore white. Remember Sauran? Your son? *She sighs* The Oldest memory I have is that of brother. *She smiles, her eyes twinkling in sadness as the memory slowly comes to her*. He was always the brave one. I looked up to him, did you know that, mother? *She shakes her head* Of course you would not.
Yes, we stayed together... I don't remember Father. I don't remember the boat ride away from the Isle. I don't remember how we were separated from him. *She pauses*
...All I remember is Sauran and I in the Sorrows, living off of stolen wheat. *Her throat catches in anger as she suddenly remembers the beatings from angry bandits. Her face becomes flushed and tears well up as she imagines the images of her childhood in vivid scenes. The hungry, cold nights. The dirt beds. The cuts. The bruises. And her brother, shielding her from it all as he hugged her during the cold nights. As he stood in front of her as they were beaten. As he.....as he. Even the thought brought frustrated tears to her eyes, forcing her to make a longer pause than necessary. And she stared at the floor, clenching her jaws in an attempt to hide the pain..*
*When she finally felt stable enough to speak, her voice was still yet soft* You do not know... how brave he was. He would have made a true knight. A hero of sorts....A Moor Elf, a Hero. He would have broken so many barriers. *She scoffed and wondered all the same. The image of her brother was blurry to her now. Time has passed since...and all she remembered was a wolfish smile and pointy ears*.
His grave is somewhere in the Sorrows.
*Her tone turned from wonder to resentment* He is gone now. What good did it do him, to fight so often? When I always asked him not to. He would. And he would come back grinning to me- *Her voice partly breaks* He was broken, Mother. I do not know who broke him, but all he did was fight. He said he felt alive when he was being beaten- *Her tears faded as she numbly remembered the pain.* When..when he killed. *She took a deep breath* Yes...your son killed. And he liked it.
I only knew of it then...We had a home once. We lived with an elderly Halfling couple in the Sorrows. They were the kindest folk I had ever seen. They taught us many things. How to cook meals. How to farm. How to build. *Her voice still cracks as she gives a broken smile towards the moon* They were wonderful parents. And I- I went to gather some wood one day. It was a long day, but I was so proud of gathering so much wood. I...I came home and he was....brother was.....Sauran was standing over their....bloody corpses. He was grinning, Mother. *She hissed* He was licking their blood from his hands. And he...He was laughing.
(so much tragic backstory drama <_< - 2/16/17)
*The feelings overwhelms her and she shivers as she hugs herself. She hunches over as she tries to get a grasp on reality. Breathing heavily, she slowly wipes her sleeve to her nose and looks up*
He left me, then. He saw me there. He got up and stared at me with dead eyes.. or frightened eyes. I cannot remember.. He was scared.. or hateful. I thought he was going to strike me as he rushed towards me...but when I finally opened my eyes. I noticed he was gone. He ran away.
And I....I had...I had to clean up his mess.
*She sniffs, feeling her nose running and she wipes her sleeve to it again* I'm babbling I know *She murmurs*. It is...It is not something I want to say out loud. Or even think about...They were kind folk, the Halfling couple. They were.. *Her thought broke off as she went back to reminiscing about them*.
*Moments ticked by and the night grew darker. Ashna perks her head up to the moon as she hears the wind sweeping up the leaves into the air* Where was I? Ah, yes Sauran. *she pauses yet again* After I left the Halfling's home and graves, I ended up fending for myself. It is a hard life for a Moor elf, I was just.. weak. *She shakes her head* I didn't exactly run with the morally good Moor clan of beings, but what choice did I have? I pillaged when I was asked to. I stole when I was told to. They were horrid. But they knew how to live. I did it all to survive. But...there was one thing I would never do...I was never going to turn into him.
I maintained that throughout my life so far.
*She gave a half-wry smile as she looked down in front of her. Her eyes were not focused on anything* It has been more than several years since I heard anything of my birth family. I did not need one. I did not need a hateful brother. I did not need a Father. I did not need you, Mother. *Each time she said "mother", there was a tone of hesitation, dislike and she spoke the word with distaste*. But...after years and years...I wanted to know why. Why did you leave us? Why did father leave us? Who were you exactly? Were you important? Did you do anything? Were you hateful like him? Were you kind? I just wanted to know. The burning questions tortured me throughout my life...
And when I finally found out... *She smiled cruelly upwards at the moon* I realized the truth was much more horrific than anything I could imagine.
*She pauses and glances around the cold Isle air. Afraid she may be overheard.* This is the place. The place you and father met. Where you both came in refuge from the clan wars east of here. I know. I know this now. I found your diary. *Her gaze travels around from the moon to the ground feeling slightly guilty about opening the past doors that should be left forgotten. But she tenses up again, still harboring anger.* You must have been young. I did not need to know such details of your....courtship with father. *grimaces at the thought, remembering the words she read a few nights ago. She relaxes back against the foot of the statue, and reaches into her pouch pulling out a book. Her mother's diary. She opens it and slips through the pages quickly, already knowing its contents.*
You were a Herbalist, hmm? What good did learning plants do you? You should have learned to /fight/! *She pauses and recalls the diary her mother wrote. Her frustrated words revolved around wanting to stop the cycle of death in her family's clan.* You did not want to be like that either. Like a "traditional" Moor. *Ashna frowns* But brother ended up like that all the same...no matter if you tried to push away your bloodline.
And father? Why did you meet such an cruel Moor? He was no better than whatever clan you came from. Another Moor stuck in the darkness. He was one of them. *she hisses* An Acolyte of the "Grey". *Her eyes quickly dart around in the darkness. The mention of the Evil name strikes fear to all inhabitants of the isle, or so she heard.*
He killed. He sacrificed your neighbors /children/. *Ashna exaggerates. She doesn't really know how cruel an Acolyte was. She only heard of horrors from others and stories when she first set fresh feet on the Isle a few months ago. But she continues all the same*. And you loved him?! *She shakes her head in horror*. He was nothing. He was a....a monster.
*Her voice trails off*
You lived with him for so long..*She says as she flips through the pages of the book again. Passing through her mother's witness of her father's misdeeds at the bars and Inns. And how he told her he took the ill and old back to the Grey. Angry and a divulguer of secrets though he was, he never seemed to have told her why.*
...But...but..what happened after I was born? *She pauses and glances up at the white shining moon. Then towards the open book in her hands. The writing stops on one day and ends with:
"-and so he told me I will be well. But I do not feel so. The sickness grows stronger and I fear my children will catch it. I have sent them away off the isle. They will be blessed in a nice warm home. It is far too cold here. Kaz'an has told me not to worry too much. That the children will be fine. But he does not care for them as much as I do. He is far too preoccupied by his own world.
I must rest now. Farewell on this day of Frost.
Filliriam."
It says as much as that me and Sauran were sent away. But then what? What happened to you? *She looks up frustrated and sets the book away, folding her arms. She sighs.* I have no more news than that. You two are gone. And I am now right back where you did not want me, years later.
*She smirkes* How was I to know you lived here? It was not coincidence. I came here on a whim. To leave the noisy towns I had been roaming around. But I did not want to go back to those untamed Sorrows. No, I wanted an actual home and I found this Isle. I heard tales of a secluded island. But I did not know what secrets it held. Secrets such as the Grey.
Secrets such as my family line here...
All dead though. You are all dead and gone. *Her voice cracks again* I am alone. All alone again. I have no one. *She sniffs* I have had no one for years now. And what now? Now I find out I had you two here all along. But you are still dead and gone. The Grey Lady has taken you all away from me.
Well guess what. *Her voice gains strength, although her eyes are misty.* I do not need you. I do not need father. I do not need Sauran. I am well enough by myself and no one will change that. No one can change that.
I can live by myself, for myself, and be happy.
I can do it. I'll show you. I'll show all of you.
*She gives the moon one last glare and stands up straight, trudging up the stone steps back home. Never looking back. Never wanting to look back.
She moves forward*
... *The cold stone walls of the cell kept her shivering. She hugged her blood soaked body in an effort of comfort. But it failed terribly. She would not cry. She would not move. And she stared numbly at the iron door...waiting for it to swing open....for him to arrive to take her. Scenes of the frowning face before her clouded her senses but she forced them back. Time ticked away as the dust settled in. No one came with food. No one came with water. She sat starved and weakened as the hollow feeling inside her grew and grew.
...A soft clack and the door before her would open. Standing just out of lighting, he would call to her in his scratchy deep voice. "Come". The word would echo throughout her cell and she would slowly get up on her shaky legs as if she was a sprung-up toy following orders, wondering what he wanted to teach her this time. He would lead her away from the others. Away from the Alchemist, the Queen's Wench, the Pirate. All those she knew, some she held close than others, but he was the only one she looked to. The only back she followed. Not out of fear. Not anymore. But out of curiosity.
Step. Step.
Trudging past the strange adobes, the eerie sounds of the Planar Realm surrounded them as they arrive upon a small closed off room. And he would lead her in and shut the door...
She would learn. She would listen. She would try to understand how he thought. How he saw the world. It was not as strange as she would have imagined. She agreed with some of his ideals. And some not so much. But she dared not say it. She only nodded. She only watched.
Passive. Submissive. Days have gone by and they have noticed her change. She was not as talkative. As outspoken. As open as she once used to be. No more feelings, she tried to push her feelings away. No more emotions, she did not need emotions to bring her down. She followed behind him, ignoring them whispering. Them talking behind her back. That she was not the Moor they used to know. Not the kind one. Not the innocent one.
But innocence is a lie. No one is innocent. And the red markings on her raggy clothes were a reminder as time ticked by.
It was her own fault. She did not question why she should do it. She had no qualms with the Queen's Wench. The foolish man only wished to see her again. And the sweet brownie she never ate lay underneath the wooden table in her cell. She would look at it and think of his pained expression. That she would follow the one he disliked so much. But she had ignored all that. She had hurt him so that they could live in peace.
The one she followed wanted him to pass on to The Grey Lady. But she knew he would go back to Shalherana. To live again. They all wanted to live again. So why pass on this peace if they do not wish it? She had finally asked. She had finally found some courage to ask.
Perhaps it was the Alchemist that brought it upon her as he looked to her in horror. His shock struck her heart in bolts of arrows and she had tried to keep a straight expression. But she trusted him. She admired him. And seeing him change his view on her, to see him hurt by what she had done..
She did not want that.
Perhaps it also was the strange corrupted woman who helped her once. This mother-like figure she had seen a few times. Defending her. Worrying about her. Asking her not to be so submissive. Telling her he was forcing his opinions on her. And she quietly listened to the strange wolfish woman as her silver hair flicked over her face. Not agreeing as was her way. But understanding.
She understood.
She became more curious, then. The questions that burned her, she had finally asked. And he did not disappoint her. He had his answers. The one she followed. He listened to her. He listened while she asked and he answered. Amazed as she was, she become more curious about him. But he was not an open book. Though she did manage to tear off a few pieces to sneak a peek at the words.
And she would flip through the books in his house, wondering how much longer she could quietly listen and follow. How he may get tired of her. Of her questions. Of her refusal to kill now. For she had asked and he agreed. But she knows he may change. He was like a calm storm and she did what she could to keep it at bay.
And she worried about the things to come.*
...A soft clack and the door before her would open. Standing just out of lighting, he would call to her in his scratchy deep voice. "Come". The word would echo throughout her cell and she would slowly get up on her shaky legs as if she was a sprung-up toy following orders, wondering what he wanted to teach her this time. He would lead her away from the others. Away from the Alchemist, the Queen's Wench, the Pirate. All those she knew, some she held close than others, but he was the only one she looked to. The only back she followed. Not out of fear. Not anymore. But out of curiosity.
Step. Step.
Trudging past the strange adobes, the eerie sounds of the Planar Realm surrounded them as they arrive upon a small closed off room. And he would lead her in and shut the door...
She would learn. She would listen. She would try to understand how he thought. How he saw the world. It was not as strange as she would have imagined. She agreed with some of his ideals. And some not so much. But she dared not say it. She only nodded. She only watched.
Passive. Submissive. Days have gone by and they have noticed her change. She was not as talkative. As outspoken. As open as she once used to be. No more feelings, she tried to push her feelings away. No more emotions, she did not need emotions to bring her down. She followed behind him, ignoring them whispering. Them talking behind her back. That she was not the Moor they used to know. Not the kind one. Not the innocent one.
But innocence is a lie. No one is innocent. And the red markings on her raggy clothes were a reminder as time ticked by.
It was her own fault. She did not question why she should do it. She had no qualms with the Queen's Wench. The foolish man only wished to see her again. And the sweet brownie she never ate lay underneath the wooden table in her cell. She would look at it and think of his pained expression. That she would follow the one he disliked so much. But she had ignored all that. She had hurt him so that they could live in peace.
The one she followed wanted him to pass on to The Grey Lady. But she knew he would go back to Shalherana. To live again. They all wanted to live again. So why pass on this peace if they do not wish it? She had finally asked. She had finally found some courage to ask.
Perhaps it was the Alchemist that brought it upon her as he looked to her in horror. His shock struck her heart in bolts of arrows and she had tried to keep a straight expression. But she trusted him. She admired him. And seeing him change his view on her, to see him hurt by what she had done..
She did not want that.
Perhaps it also was the strange corrupted woman who helped her once. This mother-like figure she had seen a few times. Defending her. Worrying about her. Asking her not to be so submissive. Telling her he was forcing his opinions on her. And she quietly listened to the strange wolfish woman as her silver hair flicked over her face. Not agreeing as was her way. But understanding.
She understood.
She became more curious, then. The questions that burned her, she had finally asked. And he did not disappoint her. He had his answers. The one she followed. He listened to her. He listened while she asked and he answered. Amazed as she was, she become more curious about him. But he was not an open book. Though she did manage to tear off a few pieces to sneak a peek at the words.
And she would flip through the books in his house, wondering how much longer she could quietly listen and follow. How he may get tired of her. Of her questions. Of her refusal to kill now. For she had asked and he agreed. But she knows he may change. He was like a calm storm and she did what she could to keep it at bay.
And she worried about the things to come.*
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