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Whitelist application for my Character [Declined - Squidziod]

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#1
1. What is your Minecraft username?
JBGoose

2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
Born in UK live in United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Code of Conducts, Official Lore, and the Player Guides yet?
Yes i have fully read it all.

5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is knowing information that's out of RP and allowing your character to use it and/or specifically know about it.
Powergaming is when a
character does something and succeeds no matter what, making it not fun and basically cheating. Like being in a god mode. and not going with RP and lore insufficient actions like being the Wizard of OZ

6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
No because hacking is unfair and is not needed.

7. Name one of our current mentors
233hero7 is one mentor.

8. Tell us about yourself!
I play Fortnite and have a job as a graphic designer. im in a company that creates phones called RedM INC. I have a husky name Jack. I'm hilarious and is very creative. I'm also creating a book about a medieval times called time of Vinston.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
I'm a great builder and writer but i just got a ew computer with 0 files of any work. Sorry :(

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
Found it on YouTube searching for servers.

About Your Character!
This section is about the character you intend to use once you join the server.We ask that new players follow these guidelines during this portion of the application:

  • Characters begin with basic skills and gear. His fathers sword (stone) and a bow. also his father gear aka lather amour. he hunts and can fight pretty well. also, essentials(Food.)

  • Characters fit the lore. i'd be a wood elf except my eyes would be green from backstory.

  • Characters cannot use magic in any way. understood he doesn't have magic

  • Tests should not be violent. No murder, killing, death, torture. In the past, 8 out of 10 applications featured characters fighting off bandits or slaying passersby. We don't
  • want to see how well you can script a fight scene. We want to see how well you can tell a story, how well you can roleplay.

  • Be creative and be original. Well his mother did die but he isn't some assassin he is just a wanderer that needs a purpose of life

  • Written portion of the test is required to be a 400 word minimum. understood.
You can remove the guidelines above when you're copy and pasting the application. The instructions above are for you to read and can be removed when applying.

Character Name:
J Living

Character Age:
19

Character Race:
Wood elf

Appearance:
Brown hair , green tainted brownish eyes , dark green cloak with hoody on.

(Optional) Picture of the Skin:
Attached

Written Test!
J Living a young adult(19) that in life only wants to be useful to somebody with power that can help him aid his own personnel vendettas. How J got here all started when he was 15. all the adults in his village including his father Tommy Living and his mother Mary Living went on a scavenging hunt because they were low on food so they went to an abandon town so they thought, about half of the village was attacked and murdered by cannibalistic bandits J's mother died during this but, his father survived. The rest of the village people fled back to the village many people died and the leader fled the village because they were afraid. by 17 the village was fully back up but, J wanted to start something better then his village. he wanted to prevent what happened when the village sought out for supplies not to happen so he started learning about the monsters that crept in the shadows. He started to become obsessed with it and started his job not hunting food but things of havoc or people of havoc that he despised. at 18 J left his village to find more power to kill more things. His father worried but J didn't listen. J is power hungry. he is very kind but if you get in his way he might not take it well. He won't stop until he finds what he is looking for.
Extra Information:

i might be over 400 or under tell me once you can.
better V.02 i did change to fit in with lore. NEW skin picture 2.png
 
Last edited:

Squidziod

Sea Dweller
Mentor
Retired Council Member
Squidziod
Squidziod
#2
Hello and thank you for applying to Hollowworld! You application is off to a good start, but there are a few things I'd like you to have a look at before we continue:
  1. Power and metagaming definitions need to be expanded. See if you can add an additional sentence to each, or maybe an example to clarify.
  2. White hair and red eyes (no matter how they are obtained) are not lore-friendly for forests elves to have.
  3. Iron armor (and actually any metal armor) is beyond novice level equipment, and therefor can't be started with. Weapons need to be low quality as well.
  4. Your written test contains a number of story elements or themes that we see repeatedly, and therefore consider to be unoriginal or non-creative. The themes that are of concern are:
    • Murdered family
    • Disgraced or lost royalty
    • Home destroyed by foes (monsters, bandits, war, etc.)
    • There are no monsters in our lore, as you've described, that are capable of communication
I know this looks like a lot, but hopefully you're willing to look through it an improve. I thank you for you patience and continued effort to apply-- once you've made the proper amendments, post here and I'll take a second look.
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#3
Hello and thank you for applying to Hollowworld! You application is off to a good start, but there are a few things I'd like you to have a look at before we continue:
  1. Power and metagaming definitions need to be expanded. See if you can add an additional sentence to each, or maybe an example to clarify.
  2. White hair and red eyes (no matter how they are obtained) are not lore-friendly for forests elves to have.
  3. Iron armor (and actually any metal armor) is beyond novice level equipment, and therefor can't be started with. Weapons need to be low quality as well.
  4. Your written test contains a number of story elements or themes that we see repeatedly, and therefore consider to be unoriginal or non-creative. The themes that are of concern are:
    • Murdered family
    • Disgraced or lost royalty
    • Home destroyed by foes (monsters, bandits, war, etc.)
    • There are no monsters in our lore, as you've described, that are capable of communication
I know this looks like a lot, but hopefully you're willing to look through it an improve. I thank you for you patience and continued effort to apply-- once you've made the proper amendments, post here and I'll take a second look.
1-3 i can change. i would like to keep his family was murdered but, ill say he stayed at his home. and why i added in communicated is maybe there evolving but i can take it away
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#4
Hello and thank you for applying to Hollowworld! You application is off to a good start, but there are a few things I'd like you to have a look at before we continue:
  1. Power and metagaming definitions need to be expanded. See if you can add an additional sentence to each, or maybe an example to clarify.
  2. White hair and red eyes (no matter how they are obtained) are not lore-friendly for forests elves to have.
  3. Iron armor (and actually any metal armor) is beyond novice level equipment, and therefor can't be started with. Weapons need to be low quality as well.
  4. Your written test contains a number of story elements or themes that we see repeatedly, and therefore consider to be unoriginal or non-creative. The themes that are of concern are:
    • Murdered family
    • Disgraced or lost royalty
    • Home destroyed by foes (monsters, bandits, war, etc.)
    • There are no monsters in our lore, as you've described, that are capable of communication
I know this looks like a lot, but hopefully you're willing to look through it an improve. I thank you for you patience and continued effort to apply-- once you've made the proper amendments, post here and I'll take a second look.
I changed review it now
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#5
Hello and thank you for applying to Hollowworld! You application is off to a good start, but there are a few things I'd like you to have a look at before we continue:
  1. Power and metagaming definitions need to be expanded. See if you can add an additional sentence to each, or maybe an example to clarify.
  2. White hair and red eyes (no matter how they are obtained) are not lore-friendly for forests elves to have.
  3. Iron armor (and actually any metal armor) is beyond novice level equipment, and therefor can't be started with. Weapons need to be low quality as well.
  4. Your written test contains a number of story elements or themes that we see repeatedly, and therefore consider to be unoriginal or non-creative. The themes that are of concern are:
    • Murdered family
    • Disgraced or lost royalty
    • Home destroyed by foes (monsters, bandits, war, etc.)
    • There are no monsters in our lore, as you've described, that are capable of communication
I know this looks like a lot, but hopefully you're willing to look through it an improve. I thank you for you patience and continued effort to apply-- once you've made the proper amendments, post here and I'll take a second look.
1. What is your Minecraft username?
JBGoose

2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
Born in UK live in United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Code of Conducts, Official Lore, and the Player Guides yet?
Yes i have fully read it all.

5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is where a character knows something that h isn't suppose to know. Powergaming is like when your only focusing on how you play not flowing with the story.

6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
No because hacking is unfair and is not needed.

7. Name one of our current mentors
233hero7 is one mentor.

8. Tell us about yourself!
I play Fortnite and have a job as a graphic designer. im in a company that creates phones called RedM INC. I have a husky name Jack. I'm hilarious and is very creative. I'm also creating a book about a medieval times called time of Vinston.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
I'm a great builder and writer but i just got a ew computer with 0 files of any work. Sorry :(

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
Found it on YouTube searching for servers.

About Your Character!
This section is about the character you intend to use once you join the server.We ask that new players follow these guidelines during this portion of the application:


  • Characters begin with basic skills and gear. His fathers sword (stone) and a bow. also his father gear aka lather amour. he hunts and can fight pretty well

  • Characters fit the lore. i'd be a wood elf except my eyes would be green from backstory.

  • Characters cannot use magic in any way. understood he doesn't have magic

  • Tests should not be violent. No murder, killing, death, torture. In the past, 8 out of 10 applications featured characters fighting off bandits or slaying passersby. We don't
  • want to see how well you can script a fight scene. We want to see how well you can tell a story, how well you can roleplay.

  • Be creative and be original. Well his family did die but he isn't some assassin he is just a wanderer that needs a purpose of life

  • Written portion of the test is required to be a 400 word minimum. understood.
You can remove the guidelines above when you're copy and pasting the application. The instructions above are for you to read and can be removed when applying.

Character Name:
J Living

Character Age:
19

Character Race:
Wood elf

Appearance:
Brown hair , green tainted brownish eyes , dark green cloak with hoody on.

(Optional) Picture of the Skin:
Attached

Written Test!
J Living was 15 a hunter of Litingdon his father Tommy Living was the towns blacksmith. there kingdom population was 150.J Living was having nightmares from the past few nights about dark creatures something that is unexplained that he had never heard before. dark creatures that only lurked in shadows. Dark figures that in his dreams stalked him in the woods. one night as J dreamed in his dreams he heard screams but sadly it wasn't his nightmare while he slept his entire kingdom burned and was decimated he woke up early morning and found him only around in market bay he checked his fathers room and he appeared that his father got up and left he roamed the streets and eventually came across his people all leaped into a stack of bodies disgusted and scared he fled into his room but was greeted by the creature in his dream. "Why is my dream like this i don't understand" J whispered to himself. J fell into a trance. He woke up in a dark room and the creature stared at him it stared at him looking like it was bout to murder him just like all the other people in his entire life, Startled in this trance he stepped backwards and he fell into a fiery spiral falling down, down, and down until he woke up again. He stood up and looked around the room the creature left J was in a sweat. He looked in a mirror and saw the dark figure behind him he turned but there was nothing. He was so frightened that he took his fathers equipment and ran, ran away from his life, ran away from those creatures. Since, then he did return to his old hopeless village he wants to restore his life with peace and hope. He now hunts anyone or anything that causes havoc to him or to the people he knows. He calls those creatures that took everything away from him widowers. he is now 19 living the life of a hunter, but wants something more then to to hunt. He wants to be useful to someone that could turn all evil back from where it came from. over the years he became lonely and has started to lose it. He does live like a person, he has loved, he has killed, he has belief. Though the one thing is he doesn't have hope or happiness. his heart is cold he is living, but isn't living not after that night that was the end of his normal life, forever. A long lost prince, maybe someone might be looking for him who knows he is just a ghost of the past that wants something more in his life. But now he is just a survivor. For now.

Extra Information:

i might be over 400 or under tell me once you can.
better V.02 i did change to fit in with lore. NEW skin
 

Squidziod

Sea Dweller
Mentor
Retired Council Member
Squidziod
Squidziod
#6
Thank you for taking another wack at it, and I'll apologize for not getting to it sooner. Your first post came at 5am and I've university to attend for the rest of the day. From this point on, I'd ask you not to poke me too many times. I promise that I'll see it and get to it as soon as I'm able to. Now, without further ado, let's discuss the state of your updated app:
  1. Your metagaming definition is still not sufficient. Your powergaming definition is closer, but still needs a little more.
  2. Your written test is better, but it still includes cliched themes. I should have been more explicit-- I'd like you to avoid the whole "tragic outcast" style character who's home and/or family has been destroyed. The piles of bodies and a destroyed city are both elements that I see a lot, and therefore would like you to avoid. See if you can rework the story to be a little more unique.
  3. I advise against trying to do weird dream sequences where your character is communicated with via dreams. It either seems cliched or it borders on magic, and both are bad.
Same as last time, poke me when you've made the proper amendments. Thanks again!
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#7
Thank you for taking another wack at it, and I'll apologize for not getting to it sooner. Your first post came at 5am and I've university to attend for the rest of the day. From this point on, I'd ask you not to poke me too many times. I promise that I'll see it and get to it as soon as I'm able to. Now, without further ado, let's discuss the state of your updated app:
  1. Your metagaming definition is still not sufficient. Your powergaming definition is closer, but still needs a little more.
  2. Your written test is better, but it still includes cliched themes. I should have been more explicit-- I'd like you to avoid the whole "tragic outcast" style character who's home and/or family has been destroyed. The piles of bodies and a destroyed city are both elements that I see a lot, and therefore would like you to avoid. See if you can rework the story to be a little more unique.
  3. I advise against trying to do weird dream sequences where your character is communicated with via dreams. It either seems cliched or it borders on magic, and both are bad.
Same as last time, poke me when you've made the proper amendments. Thanks again!
ok im gonna say they disappeared and fixed on defintions
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#8
Thank you for taking another wack at it, and I'll apologize for not getting to it sooner. Your first post came at 5am and I've university to attend for the rest of the day. From this point on, I'd ask you not to poke me too many times. I promise that I'll see it and get to it as soon as I'm able to. Now, without further ado, let's discuss the state of your updated app:
  1. Your metagaming definition is still not sufficient. Your powergaming definition is closer, but still needs a little more.
  2. Your written test is better, but it still includes cliched themes. I should have been more explicit-- I'd like you to avoid the whole "tragic outcast" style character who's home and/or family has been destroyed. The piles of bodies and a destroyed city are both elements that I see a lot, and therefore would like you to avoid. See if you can rework the story to be a little more unique.
  3. I advise against trying to do weird dream sequences where your character is communicated with via dreams. It either seems cliched or it borders on magic, and both are bad.
Same as last time, poke me when you've made the proper amendments. Thanks again!
1. What is your Minecraft username?
JBGoose

2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
Born in UK live in United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Code of Conducts, Official Lore, and the Player Guides yet?
Yes i have fully read it all.

5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is knowing information that's out of RP and allowing your character to use it and/or specifically know about it.
Powergaming is when a
character does something and succeeds no matter what, making it not fun and basically cheating. Like being in a god mode. and not going with lore or script

6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
No because hacking is unfair and is not needed.

7. Name one of our current mentors
233hero7 is one mentor.

8. Tell us about yourself!
I play Fortnite and have a job as a graphic designer. im in a company that creates phones called RedM INC. I have a husky name Jack. I'm hilarious and is very creative. I'm also creating a book about a medieval times called time of Vinston.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
I'm a great builder and writer but i just got a ew computer with 0 files of any work. Sorry :(

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
Found it on YouTube searching for servers.

About Your Character!
This section is about the character you intend to use once you join the server.We ask that new players follow these guidelines during this portion of the application:


  • Characters begin with basic skills and gear. His fathers sword (stone) and a bow. also his father gear aka lather amour. he hunts and can fight pretty well

  • Characters fit the lore. i'd be a wood elf except my eyes would be green from backstory.

  • Characters cannot use magic in any way. understood he doesn't have magic

  • Tests should not be violent. No murder, killing, death, torture. In the past, 8 out of 10 applications featured characters fighting off bandits or slaying passersby. We don't
  • want to see how well you can script a fight scene. We want to see how well you can tell a story, how well you can roleplay.

  • Be creative and be original. Well his family did die but he isn't some assassin he is just a wanderer that needs a purpose of life

  • Written portion of the test is required to be a 400 word minimum. understood.
You can remove the guidelines above when you're copy and pasting the application. The instructions above are for you to read and can be removed when applying.

Character Name:
J Living

Character Age:
19

Character Race:
Wood elf

Appearance:
Brown hair , green tainted brownish eyes , dark green cloak with hoody on.

(Optional) Picture of the Skin:
Attached

Written Test!
J Living was 15 a hunter of Litingdon his father Tommy Living was the towns blacksmith. there kingdom population was 150.J Living was having nightmares from the past few nights about dark creatures something that is unexplained that he had never heard before. dark creatures that only lurked in shadows. Dark figures that in his dreams stalked him in the woods. one night as J dreamed in his dreams he heard screams but sadly it wasn't his nightmare while he slept his entire kingdom burned and was decimated he woke up early morning and found him only around in market bay he checked his fathers room and he appeared that his father got up and left he roamed the streets and he found nothing its like everyone vanished. He went to his room and hatched an idea that since there was no king he would be king but, he was still shaken about this so , He took his fathers equipment and ran, ran away from his life, ran away from those creatures. years later , he returned to his old hopeless village because, he wants to restore his life with peace and hope. He now hunts anyone or anything that causes havoc to him or to the people he knows. He calls those creatures that took everything away from him widowers. he is now 19 living the life of a hunter, but wants something more then to to hunt. He wants to be useful to someone that could turn all evil back from where it came from. over the years he became lonely and has started to lose it. He has restarted the village and claims himself as the boss he wants to honor his father and wants to make a better future. He isn't for sure that it was monsters that took everyone, but he does want what ever that happened to never happen again. He is still looking for something more to destroy all darkness but a little part inside him is afraid that he will become the darkness.

Extra Information:

i might be over 400 or under tell me once you can.
better V.02 i did change to fit in with lore. NEW skin
 

Squidziod

Sea Dweller
Mentor
Retired Council Member
Squidziod
Squidziod
#9
OK, you've made some more good progress, primarily with your definitions. Your story however, is still not where I'd like it to be. My main concern has to do with the statement below:

I'd like you to avoid the whole "tragic outcast" style character who's home and/or family has been destroyed.
Though the exact method has changed a few times, the ultimate effect is the same on the character; despite your amendments, the statement above still describes your character. I'd like you to rethink your story some, take maybe a day to redraft it to avoid this kind of thing. Remember that there are other elements that can make a character seems derivative and uninteresting. We have you avoid these things because we want to see how creative you can be with your story telling, and cliched writing like this is not a good measurement of that ability. Here's a list of things that we tend to consider cliched:
  • Death of family or loved ones,
  • Home destroyed by war or bandits,
  • Uncontrollable powers,
  • Secret identities or royal background,
  • Supernatural animal affinity,
  • Abandoned at birth,
  • Strange but non-debilitating physical traits (heterochromia, unnatural eye colors, etc.),
  • Character is the subject of a prophecy
  • Vagabond type with a dark past.
This is a non-exhaustive list, but hopefully it will help give you the idea of the kind of thing we want you to avoid. Now, please take some time with this next draft. I know that you can do it, and I look forward to reading it! Thanks for your patience, I appreciate it.
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#10
OK, you've made some more good progress, primarily with your definitions. Your story however, is still not where I'd like it to be. My main concern has to do with the statement below:



Though the exact method has changed a few times, the ultimate effect is the same on the character; despite your amendments, the statement above still describes your character. I'd like you to rethink your story some, take maybe a day to redraft it to avoid this kind of thing. Remember that there are other elements that can make a character seems derivative and uninteresting. We have you avoid these things because we want to see how creative you can be with your story telling, and cliched writing like this is not a good measurement of that ability. Here's a list of things that we tend to consider cliched:
  • Death of family or loved ones,
  • Home destroyed by war or bandits,
  • Uncontrollable powers,
  • Secret identities or royal background,
  • Supernatural animal affinity,
  • Abandoned at birth,
  • Strange but non-debilitating physical traits (heterochromia, unnatural eye colors, etc.),
  • Character is the subject of a prophecy
  • Vagabond type with a dark past.
This is a non-exhaustive list, but hopefully it will help give you the idea of the kind of thing we want you to avoid. Now, please take some time with this next draft. I know that you can do it, and I look forward to reading it! Thanks for your patience, I appreciate it.
gotcha
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#11
OK, you've made some more good progress, primarily with your definitions. Your story however, is still not where I'd like it to be. My main concern has to do with the statement below:



Though the exact method has changed a few times, the ultimate effect is the same on the character; despite your amendments, the statement above still describes your character. I'd like you to rethink your story some, take maybe a day to redraft it to avoid this kind of thing. Remember that there are other elements that can make a character seems derivative and uninteresting. We have you avoid these things because we want to see how creative you can be with your story telling, and cliched writing like this is not a good measurement of that ability. Here's a list of things that we tend to consider cliched:
  • Death of family or loved ones,
  • Home destroyed by war or bandits,
  • Uncontrollable powers,
  • Secret identities or royal background,
  • Supernatural animal affinity,
  • Abandoned at birth,
  • Strange but non-debilitating physical traits (heterochromia, unnatural eye colors, etc.),
  • Character is the subject of a prophecy
  • Vagabond type with a dark past.
This is a non-exhaustive list, but hopefully it will help give you the idea of the kind of thing we want you to avoid. Now, please take some time with this next draft. I know that you can do it, and I look forward to reading it! Thanks for your patience, I appreciate it.
1. What is your Minecraft username?
JBGoose

2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
Born in UK live in United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Code of Conducts, Official Lore, and the Player Guides yet?
Yes i have fully read it all.

5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is knowing information that's out of RP and allowing your character to use it and/or specifically know about it.
Powergaming is when a
character does something and succeeds no matter what, making it not fun and basically cheating. Like being in a god mode. and not going with RP and lore insufficient actions like being the Wizard of OZ

6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
No because hacking is unfair and is not needed.

7. Name one of our current mentors
233hero7 is one mentor.

8. Tell us about yourself!
I play Fortnite and have a job as a graphic designer. im in a company that creates phones called RedM INC. I have a husky name Jack. I'm hilarious and is very creative. I'm also creating a book about a medieval times called time of Vinston.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
I'm a great builder and writer but i just got a ew computer with 0 files of any work. Sorry :(

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
Found it on YouTube searching for servers.

About Your Character!
This section is about the character you intend to use once you join the server.We ask that new players follow these guidelines during this portion of the application:


  • Characters begin with basic skills and gear. His fathers sword (stone) and a bow. also his father gear aka lather amour. he hunts and can fight pretty well

  • Characters fit the lore. i'd be a wood elf except my eyes would be green from backstory.

  • Characters cannot use magic in any way. understood he doesn't have magic

  • Tests should not be violent. No murder, killing, death, torture. In the past, 8 out of 10 applications featured characters fighting off bandits or slaying passersby. We don't
  • want to see how well you can script a fight scene. We want to see how well you can tell a story, how well you can roleplay.

  • Be creative and be original. Well his mother did die but he isn't some assassin he is just a wanderer that needs a purpose of life

  • Written portion of the test is required to be a 400 word minimum. understood.
You can remove the guidelines above when you're copy and pasting the application. The instructions above are for you to read and can be removed when applying.

Character Name:
J Living

Character Age:
19

Character Race:
Wood elf

Appearance:
Brown hair , green tainted brownish eyes , dark green cloak with hoody on.

(Optional) Picture of the Skin:
Attached

Written Test!
J Living was 15 a hunter of Litingdon his father Tommy Living was the towns blacksmith. there kingdom population was 150.J Living was having nightmares from the past few nights about dark creatures something that is unexplained that he had never heard before. dark creatures that only lurked in shadows. Dark figures that in his dreams stalked him in the woods. one night as J dreamed in his dreams he heard screams but sadly it wasn't his nightmare while he slept his entire kingdom vanished and was decimated he woke up early morning and found him only around in market bay he checked his fathers room and he appeared that his father got up and left he roamed the streets and he found nothing its like everyone vanished. He went to his room and hatched an idea that since there was no king he would be king but, he was still shaken about this so , He took his fathers equipment and ran, ran away from his life, ran away from those creatures. years later , he returned to his old hopeless village because, he wants to restore his life with peace and hope. He now hunts anyone or anything that causes havoc to him or to the people he knows. He calls those creatures that took everything away from him widowers. he is now 16 living the life of a hunter, but wants something more then to to hunt. He wants to be useful to someone that could turn all evil back from where it came from. over the years he became lonely and has started to lose it. He has restarted the village and claims himself as the boss he wants to honor his father and wants to make a better future. In 1 year as J turned 17 he saw his father he was returning with cuts and bruises. His father claimed that they all left to find a mine that didn't get any response for a couple of weeks so the adults went to the mines and they found the bandits that killed them as they fled they got lost in the forest and then bandits found them and J's mom died while in captivity the bandits let the rest be released except for the royalty. His father brought a group of about 30. So him and his father returned home they have restored there village, but he does want what ever that happened to never happen again. He is still looking for something more to destroy all darkness but a little part inside him is afraid that he will become the darkness. He wants to make something more then a village he wants an empire.

Extra Information:

i might be over 400 or under tell me once you can.
better V.02 i did change to fit in with lore. NEW skin

ok i changed again thank you for being so cooperative.
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#12
OK, you've made some more good progress, primarily with your definitions. Your story however, is still not where I'd like it to be. My main concern has to do with the statement below:



Though the exact method has changed a few times, the ultimate effect is the same on the character; despite your amendments, the statement above still describes your character. I'd like you to rethink your story some, take maybe a day to redraft it to avoid this kind of thing. Remember that there are other elements that can make a character seems derivative and uninteresting. We have you avoid these things because we want to see how creative you can be with your story telling, and cliched writing like this is not a good measurement of that ability. Here's a list of things that we tend to consider cliched:
  • Death of family or loved ones,
  • Home destroyed by war or bandits,
  • Uncontrollable powers,
  • Secret identities or royal background,
  • Supernatural animal affinity,
  • Abandoned at birth,
  • Strange but non-debilitating physical traits (heterochromia, unnatural eye colors, etc.),
  • Character is the subject of a prophecy
  • Vagabond type with a dark past.
This is a non-exhaustive list, but hopefully it will help give you the idea of the kind of thing we want you to avoid. Now, please take some time with this next draft. I know that you can do it, and I look forward to reading it! Thanks for your patience, I appreciate it.
ill remake entire story if this doesn't pass after this draft. :)
 

Squidziod

Sea Dweller
Mentor
Retired Council Member
Squidziod
Squidziod
#13
ill remake entire story if this doesn't pass after this draft. :)
I really appreciate your continual willingness to work with me here. Most people get angry right about now, so I honestly am appreciative. I do recommend that you remake the entire story, this one just isn't hitting the mark. Really take a close look at what I wrote in the post you quoted above, hope it helps!
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#14
I really appreciate your continual willingness to work with me here. Most people get angry right about now, so I honestly am appreciative. I do recommend that you remake the entire story, this one just isn't hitting the mark. Really take a close look at what I wrote in the post you quoted above, hope it helps!
ok thank you!
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#15
I really appreciate your continual willingness to work with me here. Most people get angry right about now, so I honestly am appreciative. I do recommend that you remake the entire story, this one just isn't hitting the mark. Really take a close look at what I wrote in the post you quoted above, hope it helps!
Maybe 4th time is the charm? I restriped some core parts of the story give me feed back ASAp thank you :)

1. What is your Minecraft username?
JBGoose

2. How old are you?
19

3. What country are you from?
Born in UK live in United States

4. Have you read the King's Law, Code of Conducts, Official Lore, and the Player Guides yet?
Yes i have fully read it all.

5. In your own words, how would you define metagaming and powergaming?
metagaming is knowing information that's out of RP and allowing your character to use it and/or specifically know about it.
Powergaming is when a
character does something and succeeds no matter what, making it not fun and basically cheating. Like being in a god mode. and not going with RP and lore insufficient actions like being the Wizard of OZ

6. Do we allow X-Raying mods or X-Ray texture packs on the server?
No because hacking is unfair and is not needed.

7. Name one of our current mentors
233hero7 is one mentor.

8. Tell us about yourself!
I play Fortnite and have a job as a graphic designer. im in a company that creates phones called RedM INC. I have a husky name Jack. I'm hilarious and is very creative. I'm also creating a book about a medieval times called time of Vinston.

9. Do you have any examples of your work?
I'm a great builder and writer but i just got a ew computer with 0 files of any work. Sorry :(

10. Did anyone refer you? If not, how did you find our server?
Found it on YouTube searching for servers.

About Your Character!
This section is about the character you intend to use once you join the server.We ask that new players follow these guidelines during this portion of the application:


  • Characters begin with basic skills and gear. His fathers sword (stone) and a bow. also his father gear aka lather amour. he hunts and can fight pretty well. also, essentials(Food.)

  • Characters fit the lore. i'd be a wood elf except my eyes would be green from backstory.

  • Characters cannot use magic in any way. understood he doesn't have magic

  • Tests should not be violent. No murder, killing, death, torture. In the past, 8 out of 10 applications featured characters fighting off bandits or slaying passersby. We don't
  • want to see how well you can script a fight scene. We want to see how well you can tell a story, how well you can roleplay.

  • Be creative and be original. Well his mother did die but he isn't some assassin he is just a wanderer that needs a purpose of life

  • Written portion of the test is required to be a 400 word minimum. understood.
You can remove the guidelines above when you're copy and pasting the application. The instructions above are for you to read and can be removed when applying.

Character Name:
J Living

Character Age:
19

Character Race:
Wood elf

Appearance:
Brown hair , green tainted brownish eyes , dark green cloak with hoody on.

(Optional) Picture of the Skin:
Attached

Written Test!
J Living a young adult(19) that in life only wants to be useful to somebody with power that can help him aid his own personnel vendettas. How J got here all started when he was 15. all the adults in his village including his father Tommy Living and his mother Mary Living went on a scavenging hunt because they were low on food so they went to an abandon town so they thought, about half of the village was attacked and murdered by cannibalistic bandits J's mother died during this but, his father survived. The rest of the village people fled back to the village many people died and the leader fled the village because they were afraid. by 17 the village was fully back up but, J wanted to start something better then his village. he wanted to prevent what happened when the village sought out for supplies not to happen so he started learning about the monsters that crept in the shadows. He started to become obsessed with it and started his job not hunting food but things of havoc or people of havoc that he despised. at 18 J left his village to find more power to kill more things. His father worried but J didn't listen. J is power hungry. he is very kind but if you get in his way he might not take it well. He won't stop until he finds what he is looking for.
Extra Information:

i might be over 400 or under tell me once you can.
better V.02 i did change to fit in with lore. NEW skin
 

Attachments

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#16
I really appreciate your continual willingness to work with me here. Most people get angry right about now, so I honestly am appreciative. I do recommend that you remake the entire story, this one just isn't hitting the mark. Really take a close look at what I wrote in the post you quoted above, hope it helps!
i hope i get it
 

Squidziod

Sea Dweller
Mentor
Retired Council Member
Squidziod
Squidziod
#17
So, since this is your 5th generation written test, and you've still not gotten it right, I'm going to decline this application. You may re-apply in two days where in the meantime you should focus on re-reading our requirements and the criticism I've given you. After that's been done, you may apply again, at which time either myself or one of the other mentors will review your new application. As far as criticism goes for this last written test:
  • Test is short, being only 243/400 words.
  • Test still contains themes of mass death, tragic past, and other previously mentioned cliches.
Like I said before-- I have very much appreciated your ability to work with me. Please re-apply after two days, we look forward to seeing you then!
 

JBGoose

Loyal Servant of Altera
#18
So, since this is your 5th generation written test, and you've still not gotten it right, I'm going to decline this application. You may re-apply in two days where in the meantime you should focus on re-reading our requirements and the criticism I've given you. After that's been done, you may apply again, at which time either myself or one of the other mentors will review your new application. As far as criticism goes for this last written test:
  • Test is short, being only 243/400 words.
  • Test still contains themes of mass death, tragic past, and other previously mentioned cliches.
Like I said before-- I have very much appreciated your ability to work with me. Please re-apply after two days, we look forward to seeing you then!
Thank i am certain ill re-apply thank you for helping me you've taught me important facts