Discipline.
"I would like to take a moment to look at my life. I am more broken than I have ever been, and yet am apart of what is the longest relationship I have ever been apart of. Yet despite its length, we are still together. Married, looking forwards to every day, and with children on their merry way. I have never felt more happy, content. This fact utterly terrifies me. There is so much that can come along and utterly ruin my life, so very, very much. I can make a mistake, or it could be forces beyond my control; it could very well be something as simple as age. I'm... how often has this happened? How often has something I've felt incomprehensibly close to been taken away from me, more oft than not by myself? I'm horrified, I'm.. appalled. I can't live in fear, but what... have I lived in? I shouldn't.. compromise with myself, of all people. I can't... but, what.. is it..
What is the issue at hand. I am paranoid. Is that a bad thing? Yes and no. Yes, in that I am not like to trust others; albeit, that is over-shadowed by the fact that I am not utterly paranoid. I have been put in situations where, albeit my paranoia made me note this, if I actually did have reason to be paranoid it would not of saved me. Thus my paranoia is an imperfect shield. An imperfect shield will either need to be remade, or a new one must be found. The former would put me through pain that I am not willing to go through, nor do I want to. And so if I do not intend to go through with one option, I will take the other.
I am no longer paranoid. But yet now, in this regard, I am without goal and standard; something will have to come and replace it. Caution is an intrinsic quality of mine, albeit it has largely been overtaken by the paranoia. The alternative is bravery. Am I brave? No. Then by that logic, I shall remain cautious, but it shall not progress to paranoia. I will no longer feel dread towards my inevitable consequences, but instead shall not allow them to occur. This is refreshing."