[Updated] xDanPotx [Declined - DavyITA] [Moved-Abbeyvie]

[xDanPotx]

1. What is your minecraft username?
xDanPotx
2. How old are you?
15
3. What gender are you?
male
4. What country do you live in?
England
5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server?
Yes
5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game?
Yes
6. Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction.
My character is an outcast elf from the deep depths of a dwarvern mine. The elf was an outcast due to his dark side. However he now hides his corrupt face. He was called names. He was angry with his people and seeks a new place to live. He wishes to one day come back and bring rain of horror down on his people. He has escaped and wishes to learn dark ways. Dark Elves look up to him due to his hatred on the dwarves and slimes.
He is corrupt and twisted now he likes to be hidden in dark areas to practice his dark magic. However he is a rookie and has gone searching for a trainer to train him the ways. He was once spirit blessed but now on the verge of being cursed ,Darkblood, his dreams consist on killing his people he needs to be kept alone. He travels new areas to find items of death and destruction. He takes souls of people that get in his way. He may seem like a harmless slime but he is dangerous and not the one to mess with. However the hope of him being sane depends on his sacred book that has all nice spells. He may one day be back to normal and get along with everyone.
He has pinpoint accuracy with his bow and hunts at night, sometime he hunts Dwarves, as a sign of revenge to send back to his people. Dwarves are intimidated by him and fear him the call him Xei, in dwarven that means "Devil". He as become so corrupt his heart his black and does not beat his body runs on hatred and revenge. He prays under the dark star and sees his 1 fear, himself.
He comes across this new land which he cannot enter, this new land seems to be opening up his heart. You decide his fate weather or not he may enter this new world and make him change his ways.
7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you are.
I like turtles. No i really enjoy playing minecraft and wish to be apart of this great comunity. I like making videos and if this server is fast i will really enjoy making rpg videos for this server. I like heavy metal. I enjoy playing on my xbox. I enjoy basketball. I am currently going into year 11 of secondary school, and dreading some of my GCSE's results. I hope to be a Quantity Surveyor whem im older. I recently got a new computer, mini mac from creating a website. I dont like people that ask too much from you and like to take things easy and get on with what i want to do. I like people that are able to get on with people and dont piss them off.
8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video.
no sorry
9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us?
The cake is a lie. My skin will change appropriately when i am accepted. The reason being is that i have a signature skin that i am using in my minecraft lets plays, survival island.
10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense?
Yes
11. How did you find out about our server?
I was searching on google 'Minecarft RPG server UK'
12. Have you voted for us? (Click Here)
No But as soon as whitelisted i will indeed.

 

[Blueraid3]

Hello There xDanPotx!!!!!

Here's a few suggestions for you:
On N*6 its not clear if you are an elf, or a dwarf, or a slime. "He has very eleven features, although he does not look like one he consists and learns the way of elven." Ok so, he has very elven features, but doesn't look like one? That sentence contradicts itself. Also, "My character is an outcast elf from the deep depths of a dwarvern mine." If your character is an elf outcast, why does he take revenge on the dwarves? "He may seem like a harmless slime but he is dangerous and not the one to mess with." I thought your character was an elf, or is it a dwarf, or is it a slime? "He has pinpoint accuracy with his bow and hunts at night." How does a slime shoot a bow?

So you see, try and make your story and character history clear to readers.

 

[DavyITA]

What I understood was:
He's an Elf outcast, therefore he used to live in the depth of a dwarvern mine.
About the slime thing i've read it thinking it was a metaphor about his weak physical shape.
He states that he is an Elf in the beginning, due to his corrupted face he doesn't look like it.. am I reading too much from it?

 

[xDanPotx]

Yes sorry I will go back and make it more clear Davy gets it but in the morning I shall go back and fix it

 

[Blueraid3]

Oh ok Davy that makes it clear haha.
Alright Danpot.

 

[xDanPotx]

changed it to get rid of the part when i contradict myself.

 

[DavyITA]

I'm sorry, but I'm declining this.
Please think deeply on the advices I'll give you before applying again:

Your n°6 still has some major flaws in it:

1)Your Character is OP: It's way too much having a pinpoint aim, being able to hunt dwarves as a hobby(being phisically as weak as a slime) and also bein a rockie in the dark magic(Who however, is able to take souls of people who get in his way.. this is a big contraddiction!) Be a mage or an archer, you can't be strong at everything!

2)The storyline still needs some improvements, it's still confusing and needs to be developed to explain some facts that you are taking for granted. Please re-read your whole story and try to make it clearer andcomprehensible.

his hatred on the dwarves and slimes.

Where does this come out? the dwarves are ok, it's well known the hatred between elves and dwarves, but.. slimes?
Slimes are monsters and everyone hates the monters.

3)Stories based on revenge are way too common and overused to the point where it takes away the credibility of your character, making for poor RP.