Hey
nomiriko,
Thanks for your application to Hollowworld, it was a pleasure to read and see this application. That said there are a few things which I would like you to change and work on in your application:
- Please have separate definitions for metagaming and powergaming. You can find them here.
- Based on the known lore of halfspawn- as an entire race they were never 'enslaved', particularly by the greylings. The greylings are a highly endangered race after all, and were endangered before the halfspawn was even created as a race from Earkzian rituals and magic. The creation of halfspawn is a relatively recent occurrence after all.
- Please do not include magic in your backstory. Magic needs to be learned of and experienced in game. Please change your written test to reflect this.
- Please extend your written test to be a minimum of 400 words. Your written test has only ~250 words.
Please make the appropriate changes and reply to this thread when you have done so, and I will take another look at it!
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Hey, thanks for replying!
I've made the amendments:
Metagaming: Incorporating information you know whether in-game or out of game and using it to your characters advantage.
Powergaming: Making your character over-powered in a way that they may be portrayed as undefeated and untouchable which is unrealistic and makes the RP less fun for others as they may never have a win or gain.
I have altered the part about being enslaved and have removed magic out of her backstory.
Here goes:
Agis gra-Bogul had spent years working as a fighter as this was the only thing she was good at due to her build, her strength and her race. Already have spent a long life in rings and pits for the amusement and entertainment for those wealthier than herself, she refuses to fight anymore and so lives a (mostly) solitary lifestyle after being able to earn enough to start anew. Although she prefers to dwell in a tribal camp-like abode, she lives a solemn life being a self-employed weapons merchant using materials she only finds around her to keep her weapons true and therefore proving that she completes her work alone using only her skill. Though her weapons do not start out as "excellent" weapons, she improves over time after spending sleepless nights honing this very skill until sometimes her hands have become blooded and mangled. Although she builds weapons, this is not her dream. She sells weapons to raise funds to open and build an inn for all races to visit as she does not believe in segregation. Due to her treatment by her previous employers and several injuries, Agis has many scars on her body which she makes no effort to cover up as they are her pride. Due to her nature of work thus far she was not able to develop relations with others and so not able to develop her languages properly. She can only speak a small amount of english words and struggles to construct a full english sentence. She cannot write in english at all. She can speak fluent Eark’zian and also writes in this language. Agis gra-Bogul does not mention her family very much although she knows where and who they are. The only thing she is proud of is inheriting her magic from them but besides that, refuses to have any conversation about them at all.
Agis has always had a deep thirst to understand the magic that had made her, even though it is a very shrouded form of magic in which the users themselves do not understand. Although she has no magical insight of her own, she seeks to learn about it and further study it.
This half-spawn has no love-interest because she refrains from finding it, she believes that there is no purpose of intimate love between them and another person since she cannot produce any off-spring. She believes that the reality they must face of not being able to continue their line would be too painful to bear and she may be physically strong, though, she emotionally is easily weakened.
Agis is a soft, caring and friendly half-spawn. She often goes by the quote, "Iakz diat dayt iakz to ude earth again" which roughly translates to "I will give myself to the earth again." (Or mormento mori).
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I hope this works better, let me know if I need to make anymore changes. Thanks.