Medieval & Fantasy Minecraft Roleplaying

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#3 App for Whitelist: Blueraid3[Declined - DavyITA]

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Blueraid3

I think I might like it here
  1. 1. What is your minecraft username? Blueraid3
    2. How old are you? 18
  2. 3. What gender are you? Male
  3. 4. What country do you live in? U.S.
    5a. Do you agree to read our Survival Guide before logging onto the server? Yes I do.
    5b. Do you agree to consult both our Tome of Citizenship and Everything you need to know page before asking any questions in the game? I do, I'm about to read both when I get on.
    6. Please provide a lengthy in-character introduction. Hello, I am Sir Maximus. I am half-elf and half-human. I was born into an adventure loving family and we also loved being blacksmiths. As blacksmiths, we strived to be the best, but being from such a small village, we couldn't be considered the best. Our family wasn't frowned upon for being half-elf, whereas other half-elf families that were poor were called filthy half-bloods. I always, even from a young age, have wanted to visit an elven city. My mother and father disliked the idea of going to an elven city because then the people of our village might not like me as much for being close to elves. I resented the fact that I would may hap never visit the elven cities. Therefore I just tried to enhance my forging skills. I was not consent with just being a blacksmith, so I went on to be an adventurer. My mother and father loved adventures so they liked the concept of me being an adventurer. They said as long as I stay within the valley I would be okay. I was about 15 when I went on my first long adventure away from the city I was born in. The cities name was Griffon's-Reach and it was quiet and remote. I was stocked up with supplies from our forge and the local butcher shop and set off. I found many different peoples and civilizations withing our valley, which was called Lion's Gorge. In Lion's Gorge there was our village, which was mainly Humans, Altarian, which was Human, Gremlins-ville, which was a gnome type village, Al-Kharadian, which was a dwarven city, and High-Peak, which was the elven city. I visited all but High-Peak because I was forbidden from being there by my parents. After learning how to harvest crops, grow cocoa beans, and how to make different houses from a builder, I returned home. With this knowledge I became A greatly liked and needed citizen in Griffon's-Reach. I helped out in a lot of things and gained quite a bit of money. I was about 18 when I had enough money to go to a larger area for exploration. I told farewell to my family and then left for the desert. In the desert I found a group of mercenaries and traveled with them to a desert tribes home. While I was there I learned the art of being an assassin. This information helped me later when I was told to help out the people of a desert city called Alpinith. I wanted to buy a house in Alpinith but couldn't until I assassinated the corrupt mayor. I did so at age 20 and finally got citizenship from the new mayor. The mayor learned of my great skills and talents and hired me as a blacksmith, because I was best at that. I decided about 2 months later that I would go back home for a while. I bought a saddle, set it on my mount, and rode for Griffon's-Reach. When I almost made it to my village, I saw smoke on the horizon, My heart dropped and I went into full gallop for the city. As I reached the smoke, I noticed that it was my home-town...Griffon's-Reach was burned down to the ground. I searched around and found bodies everywhere. Then, I looked up and saw a figure on a hill. The figure beckoned me over so I walked over to him. It was my old neighbor Matthew! He told me that the elves of High-Peak had came and mass slaughtered them all and that only about 15 people were still alive and in hiding underground. I sighed, and told him to lead me to the hideout, and when I got there everyone shouted with joy at my return. I shrugged off the hugs and rushed in to find my family. I rounded a corner and saw a figure on the floor of a room. I ran over to the figure and found that it was my mom. I bent close and saw that she was sleeping, so I woke her. She turned over and gasped with surprise. She embraced me and started crying so I told her to go back to sleep and that we'd leave tomorrow for Alpinith. After that I went back to the people and told them that we must leave tomorrow before the Elves come back. They agreed so I went to sleep. When I awoke I got the people and my mother together and we set off for Alpinith. When we reached the town of Alpinith 3 days later, the people greeted us with open arms. I am now 21, a blacksmith and adventurer, and a savior to the people of Griffon's-Reach. TO BE CONTINUED.....

    7. Please introduce yourself to the community; explaining who you are, what your interests and/or hobbies are and why you would like to be a part of our community in around 8 sentences or more. You do not have to disclose any personal information if you don't want to, but we'd just like to know what kind of person you are.
    I'm 18 and like Minecraft, I like playing football, I can play the piano and guitar, Im awesome, and cool. I live in Louisiana and can drive, I have a girlfriend and stuff like that, I can free-run like a boss and I have dudes night out every now and then. My favorite food is Pizza, or Gumbo. I can cook things like okra and lobster and shrimp. My favorite movie is Transformer's series, (I just said that because I'm watching it now and that's all I can think of.) I'm truly afraid of spiders, I have 2 cats, ones black and ones yellow, Their names are waffle and puddle. I know basic Latin, malum est rubrum, that means: the apple is red, tarda obesus vacca, that means the slow fat cow.
    8. Do you have any examples of your work and creativity, either in minecraft or outside? You can attach them to this post using the "upload a file" button or link to the image or video.
    I made an almost exact replica of a Wall-Mart, a 50 block high creeper monument, Mario statue, an assassin temple, a 8 story high castle with about a 20 by 20 tower on each side, and other stuff. (I have recently been building medieval villages.) http://prntscr.com/ecpk5 http://prntscr.com/ecpmu http://prntscr.com/ecpnt http://prntscr.com/ecppn http://prntscr.com/ecpsp http://prntscr.com/ecpvk
  4. http://prntscr.com/ecpy9

    9. Is there anything else you wish to share with us? I'm awesome. :D

    10. Are you aware that the use of black magic (xray,xray texture packs and ore locator mods) is not allowed on our server, and a banishable offense? Yes, and I agree with this concept. (I love how you called it 'Black-Magic' lol.)

    11. How did you find out about our server? I looked up "Boss Servers" and went through some websites and was like "I love medieval stuff, and It says people stay in role so I'm gonna play it."

    12. Have you voted for us? (Click Here) Not yet but I'm going to as soon as I get accepted to the white-list.
 

Valonyx

Lord of Altera
You should tell us more about yourself,
and elaborate your question 6. Im not trying to offend you, but this RP introduction lack a bit of imagination. Try to put in more work and im sure admins will accept you in our world right away!
Hoping to see you soon in Altera!
 

Blueraid3

I think I might like it here
Fixed it for you, I changed it all and now it's the most epic story ever. Please read it all :D
 

willybobsta

I think I might like it here
Nice story...
I reckon you could stop making your Q. 7 sentences so long and tie in the sentences with commas...
 

Blueraid3

I think I might like it here
I fixed the "about me in real life" thing, and completed my "about me in game" thing.
 

DavyITA

The Lioness of Davia
Hello there, I really enjoyed the beginning of your n°6..
Sadly though, it developed into a very common and disliked clichè, let me explain what I'm talking about:
Stories based on revenge\killed parents\unbeatible assassins has really become too much common therefore unrealistic.. altough it's well written, your story goes through that route.. So, if you could change that it would be really appreciated.

Your character introduction is supposed to be your chance to point out his personality, you can have a look at this guide if you still have some doubts http://hollowworld.co.uk/index.php?threads/how-to-make-a-good-character-introduction.14771/
 

Wise peasant

Villager
Interesting back story, Sir Maximus.
I just see one thing that doesn't exactly add up. Because you were blacksmiths, nobody called you half-bloods and mocked you like errybody else. Why? Were you respected by the town because of your trade? Or maybe it was your family's dark secret? Howdazat go?
 

Blueraid3

I think I might like it here
Interesting back story, Sir Maximus.
I just see one thing that doesn't exactly add up. Because you were blacksmiths, nobody called you half-bloods and mocked you like errybody else. Why? Were you respected by the town because of your trade? Or maybe it was your family's dark secret? Howdazat go?
Oh well it might not be clear but it says other 'poor' half bloods. We were not poor like them.
 

DavyITA

The Lioness of Davia
I'm sorry but I'll have to decline this.
You have not fixed the fact that your character becomes an assassin out of nowhere,
your story was good until "While I was there I learned the art of being an assassin." and beyond..
And in addition it's just unrealistic that someone who is an assassin introduces himself as one, even revealing who they have killer, just no...

Please don't be one of the many Ezios around and feel free to reapply fixing your character introduction.
 
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