The Invisible Bovine Monster (International Incidents)

[Ray1333]

(Just so you know, this is an IC thread. Any and all posts not in parentheses shall be considered IC. Also, post your nation every third post if you do it often. I am Volopia and reserve the right and be to lazy to say again because its on this thread-start text :L)

*You sit down in your office, tired from a public broadcast announcement about taxes, the phone begins to play voice mail.*

"CALLER---UNDERLORD LUKE CRESILL---SEND LOCATION---*hacked static*---MESSAGE START---Greetings, dictator, president, king/queen, and over all splendid rulers of HollowWorld nations! I am Luke Cresill, brither and one of the right hand Underlords of Overlord Ray Cesill, here with a dire message! You see, the nation of Volopia is in a terrible perdiciment! Our nation, you see, eats tons of beef. However, an epidemic has assaulted our livestock! Called the "Invisible Bovine Monster" by noted eight-year-old Stephan Cresill, has killed thousands of our people. This infection feeds off of bovine-harming germs in the fat. However, when in a human, it can kill one from any period of time from three months to three minutes. It is impossible to detect in cows, actually helping them, and has one symptom in human; hallucinations of cows. There is no none cure and its fast rotting build eliminates vaccine possibilities. Two thirds of what a normal Volopian eats is beef, and it is cheap because of abundance. Anyone who has imported Volopian Beef Inc., which exports top quality meat for the rich, is advised to make their rich buyers last days good ones. We are quarantining all bovine we can, and having massive sales in stores on whoever is dumb enough to buy it. We shall accept all assistance provided, and particularly request non-beef food aid and research assistance on a cure. Oh, and as incentive, we shall paradrop infected cows into nations who don't provide assistance. Underlord out.---MESSAGE END---PRESS ONE TO...

 

[Baron]

(Mechanica Rationalis. Machines rule the nation.)

*the mayor's personal computer emits loud static for a moment. The screen flickers on and the computer's fans go into overdrive. A message appears on the screen, scrolling by at high speed before coming to a stop.*

[ID VERIFY: DRKql2HU2r16w6mP3X0zYvt1aee3zpk2D0ojqKlB0P7O+9Uug5ob4KpgJosRvk5J5/Tj9NNb/7QzP05b
FUDeqSC/5f5CK72u DECRYPT KEY *****-*****-*****-*****-**381]

Message arrival confirmed.
Reply:

The CloudMind of MR offers food aid and a 150 GB/s connection line to MR Supercomputing Center A' in order to increase resources available in finding a cure for IBM microbe.

In return the CloudMind requests 5% of citizenry to be conscripted to MR in order to service and maintain MR advanced machinery. Citizens are required to have a minimum of a MSc and Dipl. -Ing before conscription. Citizens will be provided with sufficient nutrients and housing to maintain their well-being and productivity.

The CloudMind also hereby condemns the nation of Volopia for its underhanded threats and declares that Volopia shall withdraw its threats of bioweapon attacks or face further sanctions and withdrawal of aid.

[END MESSAGE.]
[VERIFY RECEIVED: TRUE. AWAITING RESPONSE.]

 

[Ray1333]

*Chuckling at the final paragraph, the Overlord flicks on the video recording, having always admired the nation of machines for its knowledge and logical approach on things.*
*You view screen lights up with the live image of a middle-aged man on an ornamental gold throne wearing exquisite purple robes, also you (barely) notice a small black headset barely visible against his hair.*

"Greetings, machine nation! Be honored! You are now one of the select few to see me, Overlord Ray Cresill, in person! On the note on the food aid, thank you. On the note of the citizenry you want, we shall sell them at a 25% discount! (OOC note: literally ANYTHING is allowed to be bought and sold in Volopia, anything.) Now with the more entertaining matter of my 'threats'. Anyone who knows Volopian history knows that we were practically built upon blackmail! Ethics are, as one like you MUST agree, uncalculatable, unmeasurable, and illogical as it holds one back. Of course, biowarfare hardly affects you very largely, atleast not bovine-biowarfare. So tell me, logical one, what are you words on this as of now...?

(Also like to point out, in Volopia, being called logical is one of the highest forms of compliment.)

 

[Shrimpsy]

(Durjinga. Let nature go before economy!)

*The president of Durjinga receives the message on his crank-powered phone, and in response, writes a letter on paper, from when the tree was felled, they planted a sapling in its place. The letter arrives on Luke's desk after a few days delay. The letter is written in a plain black, and smells nice enough due to it being made from plant extracts*

Greetings, Luke Cesill,

the most kind and humble nation of Durjinga wishes to aid you in your plight. Durjinga has all meats banned, and thus has an abundance of vegetarian foods. We may export them to your nation, and will expect nothing in return.

As for the research, we could send a few of our top-notch scientists over to assist you in finding the cure. We can assure you quality in this regard, as they have made quite a few breakthroughs in the past, they have even brought back an extinct species! The food and scientists shall be arriving shortly after you read this.

Kind regards,

The Sultanate of Durjinga.

 

[Ray1333]

*Grunting as he reads the letter his brother forwarded him, Overlord Ray Cresill is one of those people who sticks by the founding ideals of Volopia to the death; one of those being that nature is obsolete and fighting progress is sin. Crumpling and flattening the paper, he sends his assistant off to file he sits down to write a response letter out of paper he made extra effort to be completely waste fully made just for the occasion and thick ink out of total spite of environmentalists.* (FYI, environmentalism is illegal and punishable by death without trial for fighting the progress.)

Dear *angry scribble* Durinja,

We appreciate the assistance with our current situation from you...kind nation. However we regret to inform you that all sent men have been imprisoned for fighting the progress after they protested three factories, held up three auctions, and assaulted the owner of Moving Forward Inc. while on there way to the capital. As compensation to the victim all imprisoned workers were sold to the victim as labor and the scientist now work on the cure from a federal prison.

Signed Ray Cresill,
Overlord of Volopia

 

[Shrimpsy]

( This will get interesting... but as my nation hates military, it will only be diplomacy from my side! )

*reading the hastily scribbled note that reeks of industrialism and resource-using ink, the president becomes slightly agitated, however calms down shortly and thinks of how to respond to this, finally writing yet another letter*

Most industrialistic Nation of Volopia,

While it seems we have gotten off on the wrong foot, I am sure we can compromise this. We humbly request that you release the men who delivered the food and let them come back to us, on the condition that while they are in your borders they shall not go actively enviromental. I hope you can understand this, as they, also, have families. Regarding the scientists: You may keep them wherever you wish, as long as you do not treat them poorly; you must provide them with food and a shelter for them to stay. We shall send over weekly payments to cover the costs.

On behalf of the entire nation,
President Ludovico Lauro

 

[Baron]

*You view screen lights up with the live image of a middle-aged man on an ornamental gold throne wearing exquisite purple robes, also you (barely) notice a small black headset barely visible against his hair.*

(Just so you know, there are very few monitors in MR, since it's all machines and human serfs. The CloudMind itself isn't a physical entity.)

 

[Ray1333]

(Just so you know, there are very few monitors in MR, since it's all machines and human serfs. The CloudMind itself isn't a physical entity.)

(Well with whatever form of video chat they use, or at least he received the recording.)

 

[Ray1333]

(Oho yes it will, yeees it will...)

Dear President of Duringa,

I (un)regretfully inform you that we are unable to provide you the return of them as they are now the property of Moving Forward Inc. and can only be retrieved by repurchasing from their company. In exchange for that particularly large jungle (kinda like the redwoods), we shall purchase them at a discount for you. Also do not fret of the scientists, the Slave Rights Act of *ink blotch* requires all slaves to be fed clothed and homed addiquitly.

Sincerely,
Overlord Ray Cresill

(Also as an FYI, I do most of these on my iPod so there may be random spellcheck derps.)

 

[Lord_Sinclair]

(Sincronia. Pragmatism Triumphos Super Omnia)

*Message pops up on the computer screens of all nation leaders [who actually live in the digital age] in the Republic of Hollowworld*

1 New Mail
Regarding the IBM Disease

Greetings fellow leaders in the Republic of Hollowworld!

As most of you are aware by now, an unknown disease is sweeping across the nation of Volopia that is incredibly lethal to humans. It is spread by the consumption of beef and is currently undetectable until consumed. No cure or vaccine has yet been found.

With the situation growing more dire by the hour, Sincronia invites all nations in the Republic of Hollowworld to attend a regional conference in Sincronia's capital (name not yet determined) to discuss options and responses to be made by both individual nations and the Republic as a whole.

Sincronia also invites all researchers and scientists interested in developing a cure and/or vaccine for the disease to assist Sincronian scientists, who have already made significant progress on the task thanks to a high level of government investment in research and education.

Sincronia also invites all nations to apportion a small number of cattle to be sent to Volopia as replenishment for their decreasing cattle stocks. It is vital that all nations in the region be willing and able to provide cattle to replenish Volopia's stocks should it appear that the massacre of Volopia's current stocks is the most efficient means of combating the spread of the disease.

*The following two paragraphs are omitted from the message sent to Overlord Ray Cresill of Volopia.*

Until the disease is under control, all nations are advised to thoroughly inspect all beef imports to ensure that they do not originate from the nation of Volopia, as Volopian officials have stated that contaminated meats are still sold on their markets. If inspection is deemed insufficient, a full boycott of Volopian meats is encouraged.

All nations are also greatly advised to refrain from sending citizens to the nation of Volopia in light of recent allegations of kidnapping. All research on the IBM disease should be done outside of Volopia.

Let us work together to combat this most frightening and horrific disease!

Sincerely,

Sinclair
Lord of Sincronia.

 

[Ray1333]

(Tsk tsk tsk, not a good idea to talk about nations behind their backs! ESPECIALLY one whose 70% of all military funding is to espionage.)

*A new mail image pops up on their.*

Dear Sincronia,

Although I was greatly pleased by the news of the meeting, my agents tell me you have made advisers to limit and even boycott beef trade with the distressed Volopia! Dispite several request by military advisors to declare war, I have decided to take another approach. As you read this infected bovine are being paradropped into all major bovine populated areas. The only way to insure YOUR safety now is to wipe out your livestock yourself. Because of importantance however, Underlord Colin Droolop shall attend the meeting under heavy escort. And don't forget to lock your windows tonight, you are officially on scetchy relations with Volopia.

Somewhat Sincerely,
Overlord Ray Crecill

 

[Baron]

*far in geosynchronous orbit, a satellite covered covered in zero-albedo plating focuses a lens on a Volopian airfield and watches as a cargo plane is loaded with cattle. It tracks the plane as it traverses mountains and seas before dropping cargo over a Syncronian field. The recording is transferred in HD to the MR central databank with a million-bit onion layering algorithm and stored until it may be of use.*

*in an email reply to the Syncronian email*

<BEGIN MESSAGE>
The CloudMind hereby accepts the invitation to diplomatic summit. A VTOL craft is en route carrying an android for more effective organic information transmission.

Additionally, Mechanica Rationalis offers a live tracking stream of the infected animals dropped into Sincronian territory. It offers an encrypted connection to this stream for Sincronian use in tracking and culling the animals in question.
<END MESSAGE>

*in a message to the Volopian leader*

<BEGIN MESSAGE>

The Nation of Mechanica Rationalis hereby condemns Volopia for its biological attack on Sincronia. The infected cattle dropped in Sincronian land are being tracked, and the attack shall be shortly neutralized. Volopia will cease and desist such actions immediately.

As a consequence of its aggression, the Volopian connection to the SC A' has been throttled and Volopia shall receive no more than one (1) clock hour of use per day until such time as it can assure MR that aggression against other nations in the RHW has ceased.

<END MESSAGE>

 

[Ray1333]

*A message to the MR.*

In light of your recent actions concerning our actions, I am forced to play a card I did not frankly want to play. [REDACTED] years ago, an MR scout drone crashed in the Ghastly Wasteland in Volopia. Since we have been able to largely plot out its design and features. You have two choices, logical one. You may either halt all deals, agreements, and international interaction (aside from the meeting) made during/concerning the crisis and turn at least half of your national research to a cure or we shall release all uncovered technology and secrets we know of your people, and also a berage of specially designed viruses specific for your people. Your call.

Increasingly les sincerely,
Overlord Ray Cresill

(Also like to point out, although they are liking them increasingly less Volopia still largely respects and admires the MR.)

 

[Baron]

(You have no idea of the storm you're walking into.

A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Information Technology industry, followed by Uranium Mining and Gambling.

MR has an economy ranked higher than yours, is a leader in computing and atomic research, and has greater political influence. You're heading into a war you can't possibly win against a nuclear-powered, exponentially developing enemy.)

<BEGIN MESSAGE>

The nation of Volopia may consider it unwise to store information on MR designs in a poorly guarded database.
*a video is attached, showing the files vanishing as they're deleted*
Volopia's actions are an affront to MR and the RHW, and MR hereby boycotts all Volopian products and embargoes the nation. Further action or threats against MR shall be considered an act of war.
As part of the embargo, MR severs all connections to Volopia. If Volopia wishes to negotiate, it shall do so in the public forum of the RHW diplomatic assembly in Sincronia.

<END MESSAGE.>

*As the message is delivered, all MR fiber-optic links into Volopia stop transmission, and the airwaves fall silent as MR antennas are shut down. At the same time, the MR-Volopia border crossing shuts its gates.*

*The VTOL, having safely crossed the ocean, arrives in Sincronia, where it deposits a human with a slightly plastic sheen and an oddly even voice. The android emissary, remotely controlled, is the first to arrive to the summit.*

 

[Ray1333]

(Buddy, if this goes south, it is going FAR south VERY fast.)

*Regularly scheduled programs are quickly cut off in an urgent news announcement.*

Last night at 11:46 the MR emissary was killed/destroyed in a terrorist strike by Duringan environmental extremists! It was believed that three pipe bombs were disguised as a greeting gift from Sincronia and exploded upon opening. Also, Underlord Colin Droolop arrived this morning under heavy escort. He is believed to be staying in one of the bunkers Volopia sold during the zombie outbreak.
We still await the reaction of the Duringan, MR, and the Sincronian governments.

*Teletubys, don't deny that you were watching it, turns back on.*

(Little note I'd like to add, for the most part it is respect alone keeping Volopia from declaring war on the MR. They embody allot of what we stand for. Factbook tells more.)

 

[Baron]

*the emissary, being a mere token of goodwill and communication to the other, corporeal ambassadors, has little value to actual diplomacy, since the machine intelligence of Mechanica Rationalis isn't physically limited.*

<BEGIN MESSAGE: SINCRONIA>

The Sincronian security staff at the summit is requested to increase their measures to avoid further wanton acts of destruction. The CloudMind of MR offers to sell decommissioned Securi-Drone units to Sincronia to bolster their forces.

<END MESSAGE>

<BEGIN MESSAGE: ALL>

In light of the recent destruction of the MR robotic emissary, The CloudMind offers to;

• Connect through an encrypted VM link to the meeting for diplomatic communication,
• Connect its satellite surveillance stream to Durjingan intelligence agencies for the purpose of tracking the terrorist cells responsible for the destruction of the MR emissary,
• Add the topic of Volopian methods of coercion to the discussion with intent to allow Volopia to formally apologize for prior actions.

In addition, MR hereby formally announces its embargo on all products Volopian. The embargo shall be lifted upon Volopia's statement of apology and the evidence of remedying its tactics of coercion.
<END MESSAGE>

 

[Ray1333]

<MESSAGE TO: ALL>
<SENDER: VOLOPIAN GOVERNMENT>

In light of recent request to apologize by the MR, we have on word: no. All of our actions were provoked by either speaking behind are backs or other such actions. The situation with the Duringans was foresaw by anyone who knows much about either nation. The Three Ideals are practically a religion the way some people, like the government, treat it it like a religion without gods. Aside from the pollution, and the wasteland, and the crime, Volopia is actually a very nice place to live. There is an abundance of jobs, dozens of companies competing for labor and jobs, no land is unavailable for industrial and residential expanse, and to top it all it is legal to conduct trade of anything! (Although some use is restricted, such as say certain drugs.)

<MESSAGE END>

 

[spagbog]

<MESSAGE TO: VOLOPIA>
<SENDER: AGNES WITHERSPOON, LEADER OF THE COMMUNITY OF NEW SPAGBOG>

It has come to our attention that there is a dangerous virus threatening your cattle. In times like these, working together is the only option. So, I hereby give you permission to ship large quantities of these cows into our nation, as long as they stay on the other side of the pension wall.

Have a nice day.
<MESSAGE END>

 

[Ray1333]

<MESSAGE TO: NEW SPAGBOG>
<SENDER: VOLOPIA>

We thank you gratuitously for the assistance. To make matters with it easier, we ask that you allow one of our manor beef based agricultural companies so we may easierly transfer the livestock.

<MESSAGE END>

 

[spagbog]

<MESSAGE TO: VOLOPIA>
<SENDER: NEW SPAGBOG>

That would be much appreciated. Be warned, however, if any cows happen to make it over the Pension Wall, they will all be shipped straight back to your country.

Have a nice day.

<MESSAGE END>