The Invisible Bovine Monster (International Incidents)

[Baron]

(You may want to reconsider your course here. I've given you a way to defuse tensions and lift the embargo, which you really should take. MR is 2.4 times larger than Volopia and doesn't have a diseased primary food source that could lead to rationing or shortages should war be declared.)

 

[Ray1333]

(Frankly, I WANT to stay friends with the MR! Chances are even we'd be fairly close nations if not for tensions caused by this disease. Thing is though, Volopia is EXTREMELY egotistical as far as nations go. If it admits that it was ever wrong, chances are it'll do it in a way it doesn't realize that it's doing it.)

<MESSAGE: ALL CONCERNED>
<SENDER: OVERLORD RAY CRESILL OF VOLOPIA>
<SUBJECT: SINCERE APOLOGIES>

Attention to all concerned. A while ago, my now fired assistant filed the recent expression that we provide no apologies. Although for the most part this is mostly true in our eyes, we do however express our deepest regret for our blackmail involving the paradropping of bovine. Not only
do we apologize for this action, we also retract this as well.

<MESSAGE END>

<MESSAGE: M.R.>
<SENDER: RAY CRECILL>
<SUBJECT: TERRORISTS ASSULT>

Greetings. Dispite the growing tension between our nation, we have a common ground: our love of industrialism and logic. I have come with a proposal to hunt down the terrorist cell responsible for your emissary's brutal killing. These deniers of progress are ending innocent lives for their illogical and unproductive "cause." I propose we assemble a special force of both our nations elite soldiers to find these monsters. After consent from Duringa, of course.

<MESSAGE END>

 

[Ray1333]

<MESSAGE TO: DURINGA>
<SENDER: UNDERLORD LUKE CRESILL>
<SUBJECT: CONSENT>

Greetings! I have came with a requst from Volopia. In light of the terrorist assult from ecological radicals that killed the MR emmisary in Sancronia. I have came requesting consent for Volopian special forces to enter your nation to hunt down these monsters. Also, there is a possibility that MR soldiers shall accompany our men on the mission should they like. The consent shall also cover their entrance, although Volopia holds no responsibility for their actions that aren't on our orders.

<MESSAGE END>

 

[Baron]

(Looks like it was a good idea you didn't get into a war.)

the nation's massive battleships are often mistaken for islands.

(Yeah.)

 

[Ray1333]

(The children of my nation are violent.

The children of Volopia are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence.

If I do go to war, I may just go all Mao's Red Guard. Ethics are, as any true Volopian knows, unmeasurable incalculable and therefore illogical.)

 

[Shrimpsy]

<MESSAGE TO: VOLOPIA>
<SENDER: LUDOVICO LAURO>
<SUBJECT: RE: CONSENT>

Greetings yet again, Luke Cresill. While these citizens of my country have indeed been outrageously defensive of their morals, we do not wish you to hunt after them. Instead, I offer you a compromise: We shall sentence them to a jail time of twenty years, and never again send our citizens in your land due to conflicting morals. Instead, assistance shall be provided via paradropping from a helicopter. This is actually rather painful for us, as it uses much costly fuel and packaging. We hope that this is satisfactory for you.

 

[Ray1333]

<MESSAGE TO: DURINGA>
<SENDER: LUKE CRESILL (REVIEWED&EDITED BY RAY CRESILL)>
<SUBJECT: RE RE CONSENT>

This will not do at all. These barbaric brutes represent the same things YOUR government does, for all we know you are FUNDING them! We are officially sick of your illogical philosophy's assaulting us and hindering you. We are sending in agents and special operations to handle the terrorist threat. Consent or no, it has officially became irrelevant to us.

<MESSAGE END>

(Also like to point out again, nearly ALL military expenditures are into espionage and spec ops, so when they are called in it means if things go bad, chances are it won't last long enough to realize it did. Especially with people who refuse to use what is the simplistic forms of technology to them. Face it, to Volopia you're a bunch of cavemen carving stone wheels and worshiping wood idles; Volopia has a very Great Britain like view to its lessers.)

 

[Ray1333]

(I hate it when you get all forever alone from people not posting any more...)

 

[Ray1333]

(*Sings like a slug from Flushed Away* I'm so lonely! Ever so lonely! I have no body, for my owwwwwwWWWWWWWN!)

 

[Shrimpsy]

<MESSAGE TO: VOLOPIA>
<SENDER: LUDOVICO LAURO>
<SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: CONSENT>

What is this madness? First we help you, and through a slight action that you can easily repair in you thouroughly industrialised country, we have apologised for, punishind them for, even offered more help, you dare to infiltrate our land and massacre it's citizens? This is simply unacceptable from our side of view! While we have no military, and do not intend on recruiting one, this is simply shameful on the face of Volopia! If you wish to sink our united Republic of Hollowworld into entropy, you have only yourself to blame once this entire region is devestated! However, being the kind people we are, we have, after multiple discussions, decided not to cut off our help. However, this is rather hanging on your actions at this point.

<MESSAGE END>

 

[Ray1333]

*The news [INSERT NEWS SOURCE HERE] begins to flare up at a...*

"... a massive series of expert assassinations in Duringa involving several radical nationalists, almost twenty government officials, atleast a dozen group leaders. Although it is not guaranteed, these are believed to be done by Volopian agents. However, few of these deaths seem to in anyway even relate to terrorist strikes. As far as we can see, the only way these people are connected is strategic importance to Duringa. In other news..."

(Your lack of millitary...shall be your downfall...hippie! >:I)

 

[Shrimpsy]

<MESSAGE TO: VOLOPIA>
<SENDER: LUDOVICO LAURO>
<SUBJECT: ASSASSINATIONS>

This has gone much too far! We shall, of course, cut off our help, and should another such thing happen, we shall attempt to gather allies, to help weather this oncoming, treacherous, sadistic and selfish storm! Why do you think it's so important to attack our nation, when our only intent was to help you?

( This seems to be very one-sided to me... Volopia attackin' others for no reason! )

 

[Lord_Sinclair]

(Well, it certainly helps when the opponent doesn't have a military......just sayin'......)

 

[Baron]

*An entrance in a mountain opens onto MR's central plains. For hours, a constant stream of multiple thousands of Crawler drones exit the subterranean factory complex, then form up and begin marching towards Durjinga, followed by fully two hundred Camel tanks and an untallied number of Reanimators.*

<BEGIN DISPATCH:
RECEIVE: DURJINGA - TRUE>
The Free Land of Mechanica Rationalis offers military support to Durjinga in the form of a percentage of its land military, along with encrypted access to surveillance satellites directed at Volopian military bases.

Volopia's meaningless aggression is a travesty to the RHW and shall be ceased.
<END DISPATCH: ENCRYPTION [SHA-256]>

 

[Ray1333]

*An emergency broadcast announcement blares on the television screen.*

"Breaking news! Last night at 7:46 the Mostly-Democratic Republic of Volopia declared war upon Duringa and Displace Inc., the business front for the army of Volopia and almost full funder, sent a well armed and well trained invasion force. Written a day several missiles decimated three largely populated areas and destroyed much of the MR's not yet well intrenched forces. Displace/Volopia soon acquired a foothold in an ancient jungle, which is now little more than ashes after the napalm blastings. The Chief of Military recently stated:
'for to long these CAVEMEN have let resources waste away and hindered themselves further! Well we say no more! By the Three Ideals I shall take this land and use it PROPERLY! For the Ideals! For logic! For Volopia!'
And later, from Underlord Luke Cresill:
'Volopia formally request the full surrender of Duringa, and the full withdrawal of the MR. I also would like to point out that we DO indeed have large uranium deposits and nuclear weapons. Your pathetic nation of dirt lickers, Ludovico, is at its dimise.'
As of now, most of Volopia/Displaces forces are focused on sucuring a foothold and overharvesting and decimating as much of the nations nature as they can for both spite and profit."

(You imbody almost EVERYTHING they dispise, shrimp. Atleast Baron saw this coming.)

 

[Baron]

*An email pops up on the Volopian leader's inbox*

Good morning,

I am CEO Robert 7Up Benson, speaking on behalf of the Argent Aurum Corporate Coalition.

You have destroyed some of Mechanica Rationalis' automated army. As a consequence of this, in accordance with the Mechanica Rationalis - Argent Aurum Armament Agreement, we are now at war with you. As leaders of the Unified Fiefdom, we bring to the fore over a billion citizens across 6 nations. Rest assured, this is not a battle that you can win. Argent Aurum alone outstrips Volopia in every industry, and our agricultural and manufacturing sectors are larger and more productive. Against the whole of the Fiefdom, the lone nation of Volopia will fall swiftly. Therefore, I, and the Fiefdom as a whole, request your immediate, unconditional surrender.

Thank you for your time.

Eat fresh,
R. 7Up Benson, CEO - PizzaCo

 

[Ray1333]

*Faster then a speeding slug in hot pursuit, the message is RE'd *

We care not your threats, PizzaCo.we have approximiy 26 nuclear silos prepared for launch at this moment and and 27-30 are on the way. We do not launch then on Duringa yet to save resources, but we will without questan launch them upon you should you prevent plans. As of now we are not largely concerned with your forces, but should they become a nusance or invade Volopia, well...

...you have been warned.

Non-Sincerily,
[REDACTED]

 

[Baron]

*Another reply*

Good day,

I don't think you quite understand. Argent Aurum defends itself on the principle of mutually assured destruction. Every one of the hundreds of corporations has a supply of nuclear weapons. Happy Nuke Inc. sells them as toys to children!

We do not threaten. We are simply stating that you are making a very unwise choice. Not only will your nation go extinct, but you'll be losing the many advantages of trading with the Argent Aurum profit machine market. Reconsider your choice and leave Durjinga in peace, else you'll have to deal with the entirety of the Fiefdom.

Enjoy Coca-Cola,

Office of:
R. 7Up Benson, CEO - PizzaCo

 

[Ray1333]

*Yet another response.*

Well answer me this. How does a place where NOTHING is illegal to profit from, companies large enough have their own government reprosenitives, and criminals work in their factories as free labor? Volopia is built for you, friend. Join us, your not-a-profit-engine will not need that veil furthermore.


Oh, and will that 1.6 billion that is now in your account go a good ways to at least your withdrawal?

Now somewhat more Sinceraly,
[REDACTED]

 

[Baron]

Good day,

I'm afraid that such a thing is currently impossible. You see, Volopia is simply a scaled-down version of what Argent Aurum has established. There is no government. Corporations rule here, and to great effect. Your 1.6 billion is appreciated, but it is a mere fraction of my annual salary, let alone the quarterly profit of PizzaCo. Indeed, the profit of TriggerClick Inc. was well over 3 trillion Golden Coins, or 5.6 trillion Volopian Radiants. This is your final warning. Please withdraw from Durjinga, or face the combined armies of the United Fiefdom. While you withdraw, why not enjoy a whopping McLard™ Super Meat™ Burger™?

I'm Lovin' It,
Office of:
R. 7Up Benson, CEO - PizzaCo